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Video Key & Peele - Rap Album Confessions

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04:13   |   Aug 09, 2015

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Key & Peele - Rap Album Confessions
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Transcription

  • [snaps] First things first.
  • I do not care that you're
  • a multi-platinum selling rapper, Gun Rack.
  • What I care about is that I, 100%,
  • know that you murdered Darnell Simmons.
  • So, you better start talking.
  • [dramatic music]
  • [softly] Yeah, but you ain't got nothing.
  • Oh. Uh, you know,
  • I'm actually, I'm very glad that you said that.
  • Because I--respectfully, I beg to differ.
  • [hip hop music on tape player]
  • ♪ I killed Darnell, yeah, I shot him with my nine ♪
  • ♪ I shot him nine times, 9:00 p.m. on the dime ♪
  • ♪ And by the way, it was November 9th ♪
  • [music stops]
  • That don't mean nothing.
  • I got a vivid imagination.
  • I couldn't have shot Darnell.
  • I was at my cousin's birthday party.
  • Red Lobster, November 9th.
  • - At Red Lobster? - Mm hmm.
  • Geez, I got to tell you, Gun Rack,
  • I find that really hard to believe.
  • [music continues] - ♪ I got an alibi
  • ♪ Birthday, Red Lobster ♪
  • ♪ When in reality I shot Darnell like a mobster ♪
  • ♪ It's a lie, Anyone could tell this ♪
  • ♪ Because I got an allergy to all shellfish ♪
  • [music stops]
  • Just confess, Gun Rack.
  • I confess that "shellfish" is the only thing
  • that rhymes with "tell this".
  • It's just words, Detective.
  • Nouns, adjectives.
  • That just happen to be in a dope order.
  • But...you ain't got no proof.
  • [music continues] - ♪ Shot up Darnell
  • ♪ With a long-ass gun
  • ♪ And I tossed it into the aquarium ♪
  • I have no idea what that object is.
  • - I don't-- - If I had to identify it,
  • I would call it a gun of the long-ass variety.
  • Some seaweed in there, too. Look, Detective.
  • I hate to break it to you.
  • I ain't kill nobody.
  • [music continues]
  • ♪ I stroke my chin real slow when I'm lying ♪
  • ♪ And I was laughing super hard as Darnell was dying ♪
  • The name of the album is I Killed Darnell Simmons.
  • - It's a concept album. - A concept--
  • That's a picture of you.
  • A picture of you, and behind you is Darnell Simmons's body!
  • Coincidence.
  • You're going away for a long time, you understand?
  • You're gonna confess if it's the last thing you ever do,
  • you hear me, Gun Rack? I'll beat it out of you.
  • - Joe. - I'll beat it out of you.
  • Joe!
  • He's free to go.
  • What? No. No, no, no, no, no.
  • We have everything we need.
  • No, it was Simmons's girlfriend.
  • She just confessed to the whole thing.
  • Infidelity. Crime of passion.
  • Let's go, Mr. Rack.
  • [dramatic music]
  • [music from tape player] - Bonus track, bonus track.
  • ♪ Got a ride or die bitch
  • ♪ I think you get the gist
  • ♪ And when you let me out, I'm gonna blow a little kiss ♪
  • ♪ Consider this my confession admissible in a court ♪
  • ♪ I killed Darnell Simmons for sport ♪
  • [laughs] ♪ That's right, I'm a murderer
  • - ♪ Come and get me - Hector, stop!
  • ♪ You can't, come down the hall and get me ♪
  • ♪ Okay, okay, you got me ♪
  • You got me, you got me.
  • Yes. Whoa, whoa. Damn. Ow, ow!

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Description

A cop tries to draw a connection between a rapper's lyrics and a heinous murder.

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