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Video Bill Burr Blames Candy Stores For Making Everyone Sensitive

TheTV.info
07:10   |   3M+ views   |   08/19/2018 at 17:30

Transcription

  • FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDIAN
  • ( BAND PLAYING ) WHO "ROLLING STONE" CALLED THE
  • UNDISPUTED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF RAGE-FUELED HUMOR.
  • PLEASE WELCOME BILL BURR.
  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
  • >> RAGE-FUELED HUMOR.
  • I DON'T EVEN THINK I'M MAD.
  • >> Stephen: YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR?
  • YOU DON'T THINK THE DESCRIPTION IS?
  • >> NO, I'M JUST OLD.
  • THIS IS HOW PEOPLE USED TO TALK.
  • AND THEN I JUST LIVED LONG ENOUGH, AND PEOPLE BROUGHT IT
  • DOWN, YOU KNOW,.
  • >> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE TOO POLITE NOW?
  • >> NOT POLITE.
  • THEY'RE NICER.
  • THEY'RE PLEASANT.
  • THERE'S A PLEASANTNESS OUT THERE.
  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT DESCRIBING THAT WITH A PLEASANT
  • TONE OF VOICE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU MANAGED TO MAKE "PLEASANT"
  • SOUND LIKE A NEGATIVE.
  • >> I KNOW.
  • THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.
  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
  • I GREW UP IN MASSACHUSETTS.
  • THIS IS THE ACCENT.
  • WE SOUND-- WE SOUND LIKE WE'RE UPSET.
  • I'M IN A GREAT MOOD.
  • I GET A FREE MUG.
  • I LOVE THE FREE MUG.
  • >> Stephen: WE GIVE YOU THIS MUG.
  • >> YEAH!
  • >> Stephen: I THOUGHT WE WASHED IT OUT AND USED IT AGAIN.
  • CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TURN A PROFIT ON THIS ONE.
  • NOTHING MAKING YOU MAD?
  • >> OH, THINGS UPSET ME, YES.
  • I-- I DON'T KNOW.
  • I DON'T WANT TO-- LOOK, I FLY A LOT, AND THERE'S THIS WHOLE NEW
  • THING, GENERATION OF PEOPLE THAT TAKE THEIR SOCKS AND THEIR SHOES
  • OFF ON THE PLANE.
  • YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK AT THEIR SMELLY FEET, AND THEN THEY'LL
  • LITERALLY STAND UP AND THEY WILL WALK INTO A COMMERCIAL AIRLINE
  • BATHROOM-- YEAH-- USE IT, AND THEN WALK AND SIT BACK DOWN
  • AGAIN.
  • >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
  • >> YEAH!
  • IF I WAS A DICTATOR, THOSE PEOPLE LOBBY ELIMINATED.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WOULD.
  • >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH?
  • UH-HUH.
  • >> THEY'RE ANIMALS.
  • THEY'RE ANIMALS!
  • I SAW A GUY, HE LITERALLY-- I WAS IN L.A.X. TO COME OUT HERE,
  • AND THE GUY HAD HIS SOCKS AND SHOES OFF, AND HIS FEET UP ON
  • HIS LUGGAGE, AND EVERYBODY HAD TO LOOK AT HIS OLD
  • 50-SOMETHING-YEAR-OLD FEET.
  • AND I JUST KEPT PICTURING BEATING THE BOTTOM OF HIS FEET
  • UNTIL HE TOOK THEM OFF, LIKE SHAME HIM INTO IT YOU.
  • >> Stephen: MOVED HERE IN '95 TO NEW YORK CITY?
  • >> YES, I DID.
  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE LIVED HERE THE ENTIRE TIME SINCE THEN?
  • >> NO, I LIVED IN L.A. BRIEFLY IN THE LATE 90s, AND THEN CAME
  • BACK HERE IN '99, LIVED HERE UNTIL 2007, LOVED IT, AND SINCE
  • THEN I'VE LIVED OUT IN L.A.
  • >> Stephen: I MOVED HERE IN '95, TOO.
  • IT WAS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT THEN.
  • >> YEAH.
  • >> Stephen: IT WASN'T QUITE AS CLEANED UP AND AS NICE.
  • >> NO, IT WASN'T.
  • IT WAS A SCARY PLACE TO BE.
  • AND CROWDS WERE NOT IMPRESSPURPOSE THERE WERE DRUG
  • ADDICTS, PEOPLE NODDING OFF, LIKE ALPHABET CITY AND
  • EVERYTHING.
  • IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT PLACE TO DO STAND-UP.
  • AND NOW 20 YEARS LATER I CAME BACK AND I WAS DOING STAND-UP
  • LOCALLY, AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE GROANING IN THE CROWD AT JOKE S.
  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
  • >> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
  • THERE'S AN M&M STORE IN TIMES SQUARE NOW, AND JUST KIND OF
  • AFFECTED EVERYBODY, THEIR MINDSET.
  • AND EVERYTHING NOW IS, "OH, MY GOD!
  • OH, MY GOD!
  • OH, MY GOD."
  • YOU HAVE TO WALK THEM THROUGH THE JEEK.
  • I SAID, " I SAW A LESBIAN WALKING THROUGH A RESTAURANT."
  • AND EVERYBODY WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD!"
  • IT WAS UNDENIABLE.
  • >> Stephen: THAT SHE WAS A LESBIAN, YOU MEAN?
  • >> YEAH, SHE WAS DRESSED LIKE JOHN GOODMAN ON "ROSEANNE."
  • IT WAS FUNNY TO ME.
  • SHE WAS DRESSED LEAK A CONSTRUCTION WORKER.
  • IT'S FUNNY YOU WOULD JUST PICK A JOB EYE LIKE WOMEN BUT I DON'T
  • DRESS LIKE A PIRATE AND HAVE A LANTERN AND WALK AROUND WITH IT.
  • IT WAS JUST FUNNY.
  • >> Stephen: MAYBE SHE WAS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER.
  • >> SHE WASN'T!
  • HER HANDS WERE, LIKE, AS CLEAN AS MINE.
  • >> Stephen: SHE'S THE FOREMAN.
  • >> I ALMOST GOT OFFENDED AS, LIKE, A MAN, LOOKING AT HER
  • LIKE, "LOOK, WE DON'T DO ALL OF THAT!
  • WE'LL WEAR SOME OF THAT.
  • SHE HAD A COSTUME.
  • SHE HAD THE HARD HAT AND THAT SURVEYOR THING.
  • YOU FEEL IT NOW.
  • THEY'RE GETTING ALL-- THEY'RE BACK OFF.
  • "IS HE SAYING-- IS HE SAYING THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG?"
  • NO, I'M SAYING SHE WAS DRESSED RIDICULOUS.
  • THE WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO BE A LESBIAN, IT WAS FUNNY THE WAY
  • SHE WAS DRESSED.
  • I'M GOING TO BE WASHED UP IN SIX MONTHS.
  • THEY'VE GOT A HERSHEY'S STORE DOWN THERE.
  • THE GIANT KISS THING WITH THE STRING.
  • >> Stephen: YOU DON'T LIKE CANDY.
  • >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE STORE.
  • IS THERE GOING TO BE A SNICKERS STORE?
  • HOW FAT DO THEY WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE.
  • >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT AN ANIMATED SHOW.
  • WHERE IS "F IS FOR FAMILY"?
  • >> IT'S ON NETFLIX.
  • >> Stephen: I VERY VERY GOOD THINGS.
  • >> SEASON TWO.
  • 10 EPISODES, JUST CAME OUT THE OTHER DAY.
  • ( APPLAUSE ).
  • >> Stephen: WHY-- THIS IS-- IS IT SET IN THE 1970s?
  • BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS.
  • >> YES, IT IS.
  • >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU WANT TO DO AN ANIMATION AND WHY THE
  • 70s?
  • >> JUST THROUGH TELLING FAMILY STORIES DOING STAND-UP, AS A
  • YOUNG COMIC, EVERYONE WOULD LAUGH TELLING MY FAMILY STORIES.
  • AND NOW I'M OLD AND THE HELICOPTER PARENT KIDS CAME.
  • >> Stephen: WE WERE LEFT ALONE, WE WERE LEFT ALONE.
  • >> YOU KNOW THE GUYS NOW, THEY HAVE CUPCAKES AND KITTENS ON
  • THEIR SHIRTS.
  • AND IT ASTOWNDZ ME.
  • I WAS LIKE IF I WORE ANYTHING REMOTE LIKELY THAT I WOULD GET
  • THE LIVING HELL BEATEN OUT OF ME.
  • HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT, ON THE SUBWAY, WEARING THAT?
  • IT BLOWS MY MIND.
  • IT WASN'T THAT THEY WEREN'T LAUGHING.
  • THEY WERE FEELING BAD FOR ME.
  • AND I HAD TO LOOK AT THE CROWD AND GO, "I DESERVED THE BEATING.
  • I DESERVED IT!" SEE.
  • >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP I WANT TO SHOW THE PEOPLE.
  • THIS IS-- YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN SHOW.
  • YOU'RE THE DAD IN THIS?
  • >> YES, I PLAY FRANK MURPHY, WHO IS AN AMALGUM OF EVERYBODY'S DAD
  • IN THE WRITERS' ROOM.
  • AND THIS IS KIND OF BASICALLY WHAT DADS USED TO BE LIKE.
  • WHEN I WAS GROWING YOU, YOU WERE AFRAID OF YOUR DAD.
  • HE CAME HOME, HE CAME IN THE FRONT DOOR AND YOU WENT OUT THE
  • BACK.
  • YOU REMEMBERED STAYING IN THE WOODS UNTIL HE LEFT.
  • >> Stephen: WE SHOULD PROBABLY SHOW THE CLIP.
  • >> HEY, MR., ARE YOU A PERVERT?
  • >> NO.
  • >> THEN WHY ARE YOU STAND ACT THAT LADY THROUGH THAT WINDOW
  • LIKE ONE?
  • >> THAT'S MY WIFE IN THERE.
  • >> HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT WORK?
  • >> HOW COME YOU'RE NOT LEAVE MEEG THE (BLEEP) ALONE.
  • >> I'M GOING TO TELL MY DAD YOU SWORE AT ME, HE'S A COP.
  • >> THEN HE CAN SOLVE YOUR MURDER.
  • >> YOU HAVE TO STOP SWEARING AT OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN.
  • >> HEY, GO PLAY WITH YOUR FATHER'S GUN!
  • >> FRANK!
  • >> I DIDN'T SWEAR!
  • >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
  • THANK YOU, I HAD A GOOD TIME.
  • >> Stephen: "F IS FOR FAMILY" SEASON 2 IS SONETFLIX RIGHT NOW.
  • BILL BURR, EVERYBODY.
  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY FLEET FOXES.

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Description

'F Is for Family' co-creator and star Bill Burr believes there's a correlation between increased public offendedness and hyper-specific candy stores.

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