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Video Jeanne Robertson | Don't Hire a Hit Man
08:36   |   views   |   02/12/2018


  • another place that I love to look for
  • humor is in my family I said have said
  • something in my five previous DVDs that
  • that's gone over fairly well and so I
  • just do it in everyone it's sort of a
  • test of the intelligence of the audience
  • if you get right now I am 65 years old
  • you're not as sharp as I thought you
  • were I want you to gasp in disbelief and
  • maybe say no way so let's try it again
  • I am 65 years old I appreciate that but
  • even at this age I am trying my best to
  • stay technologically savvy and it's a
  • challenge if I thought I could just go
  • on through life and not get involved
  • with all this stuff I would but I really
  • like email let me just tell you I think
  • I'm doing fairly well at my age I have a
  • website left-brain and I studied with
  • her what can we name it what can we name
  • it and he came up with Jeanne Robertson
  • dot-com very good very good
  • and then I'm cutting this DVD here and
  • it'll be on CD and guess what else
  • all of my stories are on the internet
  • one story at a time so it means you can
  • download that story off the internet we
  • can't we can't do that because we don't
  • know how to download and we don't own a
  • pod I don't know what the part is and I
  • don't even Twitter so I don't know I
  • don't know what's going on but then I
  • think I'm pretty cutting-edge to have
  • you go to itunes expecting to get a song
  • we'll look here we can hear this story
  • right here well guess what else
  • last summer we put two stories up on
  • YouTube now there may be some bad stuff
  • on YouTube but there's some good stuff
  • on there too and so I had my guru person
  • put two stories on there for people just
  • watch for free just sit there and watch
  • them for free and as soon as she called
  • me and said the stories are up I went
  • down and I typed in why oh you two ube
  • tube dot-com
  • they had a clever person write their
  • name to me you better
  • and I came up because I typed in Jeanne
  • Robertson and there I was oh my gosh
  • there it is
  • then I looked over the other side of the
  • page and it said if you like this person
  • you may like these and I knew these
  • people but they had one woman on there a
  • woman whom I know and she had a hundred
  • and eleven thousand hits holy cow then
  • another one had 69 thousand I looked
  • down I don't have any so I said well
  • I'll show you and I hit the button and I
  • came home and I watched myself for two
  • minutes and 37 seconds and I had one hit
  • I hit it again and I watched myself
  • again I did this till it was up to 17
  • hits and think about how much time if I
  • had sat there just hitting myself doing
  • this did not know it but my longtime
  • administrative professional Tony
  • Meredith sitting right here we were
  • table and again I didn't know it but she
  • had come in the back way and come in
  • this door and was standing behind me
  • watching me
  • finally she scared me to death she said
  • I can't believe you are doing what I
  • think you're doing I said you scared me
  • to death creep in behind me like this
  • she said are you running up your hits on
  • YouTube
  • I don't believe tell me you are not
  • running up your hits on YouTube I said
  • okay I'll tell you I'm not running up my
  • head it's on YouTube as much stuff as we
  • have got to do in this office and you
  • leave in a town and get and you're
  • sitting here wasting your time doing
  • this I said well look look look look
  • look all these people that we know look
  • up she said they've been on for years it
  • says right here they've been on this
  • thing for II get it I said well I'm just
  • I'm just sitting here she said I don't
  • think you that you could do this but if
  • you're going to Genie man may give you a
  • piece of advice
  • you don't have to hit it and watch
  • yourself you hit it and move the cursor
  • to the end
  • that's real good Tony she said I'm not
  • kidding you just sit there do what you
  • could but I don't think you ought to do
  • it I said you're right I'm not wasting
  • my time forget the whole thing I cut it
  • off she left she gone out got in the car
  • I thought I saw it go out of the
  • driveway I came back cut that thing on
  • his hip ah it didn't know it but Tony
  • got the car out into the road parked it
  • okay he's tipping tipping back around
  • through trees coming in so I wouldn't
  • see her and she came back in the door
  • and she was standing behind me again and
  • I was going she said coach you I can't
  • believe it all right Tony I said let me
  • just ask you something
  • is this unprofessional she said no I
  • don't guess it's unprofessional I said
  • all right let me ask you something else
  • is it unethical she said no I guess if
  • push came to shove it's not unethical
  • and then she said something like
  • stabbing a knife into the heart of any
  • southern woman she said I think it's
  • tacky
  • I'm not I promise you Prime I'm not
  • doing it I will not do this again and
  • she left and when she was gone and I was
  • sure of it I picked up that phone called
  • my 14 year old grandson Ryder and hired
  • him to do it all right
  • I said Ryder this is Nene now look for
  • so much money told him what I wanted he
  • said sure Nene I'll do it if you need it
  • don't I'll be glad to do it he said what
  • is it and I said I'll give you so much
  • money per hundred head now he was 13
  • last summer so he's a smart good guy he
  • hung up the phone
  • hired his little brother gray to do it
  • for Half Price Oh some alone I forgot
  • about it but down there in Georgia doing
  • this I totally forgot about it until the
  • first day of school when I told him I'd
  • settle up and Dana called I got a great
  • darling all right here Dana
  • she said Jeanne I think we need to talk
  • about something I didn't what you want
  • to hear a great Donald oh no what have I
  • done she said did you promise the boy
  • some kind of money on the first there
  • under the impression you have him for
  • over 50,000 hits
  • oh my I totally forgot if they've been
  • doing this she said I'm gonna let you
  • settle up with him that's not why I call
  • I picked up gray at school today was the
  • first day of school
  • and the teacher said don't let me talk
  • to you just a minute and she said fine
  • said when we asked gray what he had done
  • this summer he said he went to the beach
  • and he went to basketball camp he had
  • had a go and every day his big brother
  • Ryder paid him to hit his grandmother I
  • said Oh Dana I'm sorry I didn't even
  • think about telling you I totally forgot
  • it I know you're not upset because she
  • has a great sense of humor she said oh
  • no I'm not saying oh well I'm calling
  • about is I want in on the deal
  • [Applause]
  • you

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Buy Jeanne's new DVD/CD at
Original Jeanne Stuff (hats/mugs/etc.) https://originaljeannestuff.comBuy Jeanne's new DVD/CD at
Original Jeanne Stuff (hats/mugs/etc.)
Jeanne is on Sirius XM Radio
This clip is from Jeanne's DVD "Just for Fun"
Jeanne's official website


jeanne robertson clean comedy christian comedy southern humor humorist storyteller funny lady don 39 t send a man to the grocery store don 39 t bungee jump - Download Hi-Res Songs


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