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Video Bill Hader Funny Moments FULL VERSION

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26:52   |   242K+ views   |   today at 10:31

Transcription

  • [Music]
  • and when I came to my leg was gone did
  • you find it
  • no it it had been eaten Oh No
  • I'm horrified New York's hottest club is
  • your mother and I are separating we'll
  • be right back instead say that bill will
  • be right back Charlie Rose my dad did
  • you work with Steven Spielberg yeah
  • because I'm a huge film there I know you
  • are immediately but people were like be
  • cool just be cool and the media I'm like
  • okay we're gonna start from the
  • beginning your first one was dual Dennis
  • Weaver what was it like working and I
  • never coming back
  • Bryce you can't leave you're on duty
  • watch me and I was walking with my
  • in-laws in a cab pulled up and this guy
  • pulled the the window down anyone hey
  • yes I know
  • you and your show soft gasp
  • and I said I said it was a guy who
  • worked at the shows I got a V that's
  • Robby's one little joke next hottest
  • club is your mother and I are separating
  • kid named Steve knew the game really
  • well and if you were shit he knew were
  • you so if you got shot and when you got
  • shot in that game and went like that
  • because it was James Bond yes
  • [Music]
  • Elliot Gillum
  • publicans like Joe Scarborough have
  • commented this week that this poll
  • proves it will be very easy for the
  • Republicans to take Albany you think so
  • genius I mean really the only way I'm
  • getting reelected is if I save New York
  • from a Cloverfield yeah maybe it's one
  • of those Sanjaya situations where people
  • vote for him because it's funny down
  • this weekend and hit the dance floor
  • with a group of humba humba human
  • Roombas what's a human ruler it's that
  • saying of when you put a midget on a
  • skateboard
  • I think I did a dying taun taun you want
  • me to do it again yeah you're dying time
  • time yeah or people people all do you
  • they just go into the voice on I mean
  • yeah everybody my mom my dad my
  • grandparents we all just kind of two
  • boys they're at home right now I'm going
  • oh look at Billy he's on Conan heard you
  • two nutless liberal a sweet BAE's
  • mentioned my name earlier and when I
  • hear my name three times
  • I appear like a Goomba beetlejuice well
  • thanks for calling in mr. Scott Moochie
  • so much mrs. Carlucci the weirdest when
  • a guy was a guy cuvettes Feeny was like
  • yo I love the stand and I go do you
  • think I'm Stephen King he was like
  • you're not like 70 years old
  • I went home I told my wife and she's
  • like he's 70 years old and like creepy
  • looking but recently when you endorse
  • the legalization of gay marriage oh
  • that's true said you know I believe that
  • marriage should be open to people of all
  • sexual orientations and I believe
  • marriage should be open
  • [Music]
  • so I invited you your why to me my wife
  • Maggie Molly
  • Stephanie you makeup person she was
  • doing this all up it was fun and that
  • was your publicist not my bubbles yes my
  • public okay and got a bunch of chairs I
  • know my publicist my makeup person
  • Jaguar approaches your Jaguar pochenko
  • what do you do because I do the Jaguar
  • now go oh the Jaguars
  • I go I've been calling them spotty cats
  • I've been hitting it with my car ever
  • since I landed in the air it's Anthony's
  • Carlucci are you serious I guess we
  • should take it
  • and then Stephanie make it but she went
  • up to the cockpit to talk to the the
  • pilot and she and she said I'm curious
  • how much fuel do you burn from
  • Washington DC to LA and he looked at his
  • gauges and he went you need to go put on
  • your seat belt
  • you guys see they just canceled that
  • show don't trust the B in apartment 23
  • yeah it's me Anthony scaramouche II
  • pretty packed the first thing I may be
  • nervous we got there and the pilot is
  • leaning against a wall like this with a
  • cup of coffee maybe this plane planes
  • that one finds out and I'm like yeah
  • [Laughter]
  • centi take it to the 10
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Laughter]
  • the Chinna get out of here what did how
  • did you go about Amsterdam what'd you
  • guys do we got stone okay great we all
  • got crazy stuff and I don't smoke pot
  • that often right seth rogen says he's
  • like smoking pot with you is like spooky
  • pot with my dad and let me see if I can
  • clean this up for prime time that Steve
  • Bannon was trying to s his own C and
  • bye-bye I was completely misquoted I
  • didn't say that Bannon tried to s his
  • own si
  • [Laughter]
  • [Laughter]
  • the vibe inside is strained yet familiar
  • like when you see billboards for
  • Seinfeld reruns in a Puerto Rican
  • neighborhood yo soy Costanza weeknights
  • at 60 6:30
  • everybody loves the mooch you know how
  • you miss me I'm like human cocaine you
  • got a little bump on me I made you feel
  • excited I was out of your system too
  • quick and now you now that I'm gone
  • you're all depressed and edgy and you're
  • trying to figure out how to score some
  • more scaramouche Seth Rogen you're
  • welcome you hairy canook you are welcome
  • I Hollywood made the world except you I
  • put you on a movie poster and I said
  • deal with it well to do and you just
  • gotta hunt humans I know just the place
  • for you new New York's hottest club is
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • located where Donald Trump juniors chin
  • should have been Kevin
  • [Laughter]
  • open that gunpoint in a lady footlocker
  • this Long Island cold spot is managed by
  • infamous gay running back blow Jay
  • Simpson next plan is called the
  • Schweppes offensive that's where we
  • fight the oil spill head-on with a bunch
  • of club soda club soda gets everything
  • out now now you might ask how could that
  • possibly work another idea we have this
  • for the impersonations of each other you
  • do dude you like Fred I do Fred yeah
  • Fred talks to his hands and he just
  • talks about Portland all the time I love
  • Portland I fly over there I have my
  • apartment their boat capsized they found
  • themselves alone at sea but what are
  • they really alone so it was day two and
  • we were surrounded by sharks oh oh well
  • it was terrible yeah you both just
  • passed out but let's walk through the
  • red light district sure and so Vanessa
  • was just holding on to me for like dear
  • life and just looking around stone
  • yeah freaked out and we walked down this
  • little wave she goes I don't see what
  • the big deal is and I go look to your
  • right you know and there's all these
  • women in the window and stuff and she's
  • like I was walking with my in-laws once
  • and I was walking with my in-laws in a
  • cab pulled up and this guy pulled the
  • the window down anyone Hey yes I know
  • you and your show soft gasp
  • one funny thing I was in Texas and this
  • guy came up to be and he said no me and
  • my family we really we like that Stefan
  • thank you very much because my 13 year
  • old boy he really likes TEFL the wife
  • said that when she ate dinner with my
  • family for the first time that we all
  • just do voices we all we all do voices
  • yeah not like wow yeah we all puppets if
  • she was like no a new movie coming out
  • yeah
  • Cloudy with the meatballs Cloudy with
  • the meatballs with Meryl Streep Daniel
  • day-lewis Cloudy with meatballs party -
  • there was no Bert one has very windy
  • outside yeah and I'm talking to you and
  • in the back I see the wind slowly moving
  • the flames on to the couch and the couch
  • caught on fire wait how long were you
  • watching the flames for a very long time
  • and I didn't hear much I just was like
  • oh hey that's that's not right
  • say anything no Sandler was like a coat
  • and your couches on fire body how about
  • this I just saw these two girls I was
  • walking down the street yesterday and
  • there's this 20 year old girl she was
  • kind of posing in front of like castle
  • you guys have castles everywhere here's
  • good castle all right and and then just
  • posing for our counter friend was going
  • just do it to it and she goes I'm not
  • going to do it she was just do a cart we
  • will be fantastic I'm wearing a skirt
  • she was like just do it it'll be
  • fantastic oh you know all I see I see is
  • a Fred Armisen his impersonation of me I
  • tell you Fred Fred Armisen to
  • personation of me is like this and then
  • I'm always just getting into some hugely
  • popular band - yo guys I'm Stan I just
  • started listening to Bruce Springsteen I
  • was like Kristen Kristen come on and
  • then she you know and she answered the
  • phone and she was like hello oh I'm
  • sorry yeah it sounded like something
  • from the neverending story or hello did
  • a movie play with
  • what disease does she have I don't know
  • but it's all over Silver Lake
  • they have dramatic goodbyes because they
  • wouldn't see each other for whatever
  • years yeah because yeah they had no
  • planes or anything yeah that makes total
  • sense I'll see you in nine years all and
  • it was very dramatic later wife John
  • Adams said goodbye to his wife later one
  • later wife have many other
  • recommendations for folks looking for
  • like a more wholesome New York
  • experience if you're some dumb folks
  • looking to just get murdered I know just
  • the place for you new New York's hottest
  • club is John's new back pick how you
  • doing first off Randy I gotta say you
  • thought I was a chunk four back in the
  • Angels well who's the Chum out Chum
  • whose route oh wow
  • [Applause]
  • they and this was the dinner that they
  • had we have to we had a dinner was with
  • Arnold the Thomas line easy does it open
  • up the door there's a bomb in there
  • you're a joke I used to be the
  • government and feel no pressure here I
  • heard that you do a very decent Charlie
  • Rose rose
  • yeah did Charlie Rose I did it on your
  • show yeah you did yeah two speeds which
  • is what he starts to show off like hello
  • everybody welcome to the show it's all
  • this yeah and then when you go now what
  • do you at your Christmas party you know
  • no one makes you but you get me laughing
  • so hard at a Christmas party I got
  • invited to Conan's Christmas party yeah
  • high performance love that buddy I love
  • you and I loved it picture him giving
  • giving him trying to get a moving eulogy
  • yeah yeah wonderful guy
  • you better died of them are noble dude
  • has everything asbestos lupus the
  • magazine's at Supercuts dan Cortese
  • yeah yeah sure you know but you try
  • anything else yeah I mean you try it
  • yeah you know you're going like the
  • hello nice to meet you and all those
  • things
  • robots nice to meet you but then I try
  • to do something like this you know now
  • listen you're right keys yeah you're
  • Power Ranger that right now like get my
  • toothpick or something but they didn't
  • like their own you gotta matthias is he
  • it's reconstructing you know you've been
  • captured
  • alright so put up let's do let's put
  • arnold schwarzenegger okay and no we
  • should try to talk a little bit okay hey
  • [Laughter]
  • wow I feel remember me it's me I found
  • my wife holding a knife covered in blood
  • yeah she had murdered our neighbors
  • Oh
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • near the games well he knew where you
  • would appear and you so you would appear
  • and he would just be there and he would
  • shoot you and you would always go
  • headshot my newest lament I thought
  • where am I going
  • the White House a couple Oh perhaps no I
  • was then 8,000 miles away to hellhole
  • Africa to cover Jaguar poster I packed
  • my bags in my spacious apartment and the
  • east forties near the tunnel I said I
  • can do whatever whatever you want I can
  • do anything I know I looked for him for
  • weeks and weeks
  • finally the police called me and they
  • they found his car what did they find
  • when they opened up the trunk of that
  • car it was my boyfriend's body Oh was he
  • all right
  • no he was dead
  • Oh No Rock Shack opened its doors in the
  • two hours between when Farrah Fawcett
  • and Michael Jackson died
  • Mabel's to say this place has everything
  • skunks cave fobs Cookie Crisp
  • and so I started trying things to the
  • pitcher and I had not seen the movie so
  • there's of course first time I've ever
  • seen it I'm in a booth recording thing
  • going like hey you guys hiring over
  • there cuz I'm available you know and I
  • got jokes now okay here's one for free
  • hickory dickory dock
  • Steve Bannon was sucking him
  • [Applause]
  • I heard you two nutless liberal a sweet
  • Bayes mention my name earlier and when I
  • hear my name three times I appear like a
  • Goomba beetlejuice
  • he's always talking about like a
  • horrible crime a horrible thing happened
  • someone's life but his demeanor doesn't
  • matter what he's so stoked about it
  • and yeah at one time he went he goes but
  • then there was that DNA oh that pesky
  • DNA pretty the thing we do yeah when we
  • are we were like oh inside jokes I love
  • this on the outside what do you think is
  • in store for both of you well we might
  • going to Entertainment Seth Yeah right
  • now we're pitching a detective show to
  • Spike TV
  • it's called horndog and blurry
  • oh yeah a lot has changed you know Colin
  • and I host Weekend Update now so hmm
  • one of each now a lot of tourists one
  • York's hottest club is whimsy condemned
  • by GLAAD and the EPA from ghostbusters
  • this old wet band-aid found in a ditch
  • in a jacuzzi is the kind of place that
  • makes you feel weird the next time you
  • see your parents this place has
  • everything
  • kusa hats congas MTV's dan Cortese
  • one definitely has to do I'm scared to
  • ask a question see what he does howdy
  • when meatballs are falling from the sky
  • [Laughter]
  • [Applause]
  • Andy Samberg me too but the mooch has no
  • regrets baby all I did was sell my
  • company missed the birth of my child and
  • ruined my entire reputation to be king
  • of idiot Mountain for 11 days
  • [Applause]
  • all I did was sell my company missed the
  • birth of my child and ruined my entire
  • reputation to be king of idiot mountain
  • for 11 days hi hi hi so fun that was
  • some vacation we took this summer how's
  • your back
  • so Stefan I went to Naomi Campbell's
  • apartment and I hid her maid on the back
  • of the head oh my god feels so good to
  • confess to all my heinous heinous crime
  • Joe yeah think you did that either
  • I shot 50 cent oh yeah yeah all right in
  • that movie his catchphrase was open up
  • the door there's a bomb in this guy
  • Terry yeah we had to like learn to walk
  • like giant what is Terry know how to
  • walk like a giant I don't know Terry
  • just Mary it was like we got Terry hey
  • guys I teach you guys how to walk like
  • Giants all right come on Clegg just that
  • you have to be able you have to like it
  • do base break like you have a bad back
  • you know you walk like John Elway New
  • York's hottest club is
  • not kept in close touch with LeBron
  • surrounding the film no no how about
  • that it's the bum everyone out what
  • people not a doctor either but you're
  • not yeah I'm just gonna ask you to look
  • at something
  • do people allen corp brings you the
  • latest in recreational science in
  • association with Allen Crabbe the leader
  • in casual entertainment presents the
  • Allen Q featuring Keith Allen Crabbe who
  • me soo ha Minsk and then the director of
  • its it's sorry bill do it again it's who
  • hummons completely made-up I was like
  • you worried so I'm from this planet it's
  • that thing of when a woman and a
  • depression commercial it gets better at
  • the end so they show her at a smooth
  • jazz concert
  • Kirk's hottest club is Kevin wait you
  • you don't think he killed her you don't
  • think he's the killer I know he isn't
  • the killer Seth because I am oh my
  • goodness
  • feels so good to get that off my chest
  • we all do impersonations of each other
  • you do dude you like Fred I do Fred yeah
  • Fred talk to his hands and he just talks
  • about Portland all the time I love
  • Portland I fly over there I have my
  • apartment hey if you like this video go
  • ahead and click that subscribe button
  • like share comment have a nice day and
  • thanks for what
  • [Music]

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PART 2
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