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Video More adventures in replying to spam | James Veitch
10:20   |   today at 12:29


  • so why do people reply to spam emails
  • you know I mean it's odd isn't it given
  • the fact that they are preposterous and
  • they are preposterous
  • I got your contacts for the South
  • African health officer in Ghana I find
  • out unlikely I need to move thousand
  • carats of polished diamond equally
  • unlikely no this transaction it's a
  • hundred percent risk-free and does not
  • attract any danger
  • commander Koroma funny isn't it I mean
  • this is ridiculous right and it's find
  • anyone would reply to it but if you
  • think about it this is actually rather
  • clever because by making the scams
  • ridiculous ideally for the scammer the
  • only people who are going to reply are
  • the most gullible people and me I said
  • I'm in then he told me to email live if
  • you law firm at your firms or code at UK
  • which is amazing email address they
  • should send me your phone number so I
  • gave them the phone number of Goldman
  • Sachs the bank I wanted him to think I
  • was richer publishing had done that
  • because the next few man I got there J
  • of each I'm not sure you are real at all
  • you give me phone numbers of Bank which
  • I call and they say that you were no
  • real they don't know you they even
  • advised me who I I'm an army
  • intelligence sort of thing I didn't know
  • what to say I said look there was never
  • a shred of doubt in my mind that I was
  • dealing with mentally how can I prove to
  • you that I'm real I mean how can you
  • prove the you're real in truth I've been
  • in industry so we are really yes what
  • are you sending me I forgot
  • I said the contents of this family of a
  • thousand karats of rough diamonds worth
  • 7.5 million dollars you and I will use
  • it for investment in Europe I said
  • that's amazing what are we going to
  • invest I'm not much of a stock market
  • player myself but I've got a strong
  • hunch of it it's gonna be there kind of
  • a picture the consignment will going yes
  • I can boom enigma right then he said
  • send me your ID passport driver's
  • license or any any of your valid ID
  • [Applause]
  • it was browsers at the time Benny said
  • you will need to set up an account with
  • our bank and pay the fee this is quite
  • common like there he has multiple email
  • addresses he pretends like it's another
  • company I thought about I thought ok
  • I'll do that and I thought I'd throw
  • something into the mix just as he what
  • he did with it so I said look I'll set
  • up the new account with your bank
  • there's an offer of a free toaster on at
  • the moment and I've got my heart set on
  • it he said don't worry about getting a
  • toast so I'll be the first to that
  • Lenny's told me to contact this Bank now
  • the bank is masquerading as Royal Bank
  • of Scotland right but what I love is
  • their email address its info at Royal BX
  • which i think is further and then he
  • said don't delay I don't have much days
  • here on earth
  • I said wouldn't even know
  • I have not seen anybody there is more
  • unserious as you are even if I die soon
  • you have to look me with it
  • ticket I said see I had no idea we were
  • talking about your dad he said what were
  • you thinking I was talking about am I
  • going to mask he wears know who that was
  • at Osteria
  • he said sorry I mean Mars one of the
  • nine planets of the solar system
  • I just think if he doesn't know it's
  • going to be a shock I think I'm done
  • with this guy I'm going to send an email
  • to Royal BS right so I sent an email I
  • said look they're all Bank of Scotland
  • I'm writing to about some bling
  • leftenant commanded even me and a free
  • toaster you're giving me for opening the
  • account they go out came very quickly so
  • please send us a film account opening
  • four and there is no free poster Raja
  • Ramesh head of customer care
  • I thought these guys are good
  • dear customer care are you sure the line
  • that I was getting a free gift for
  • opening the account so the costumers do
  • you do he said there is no Bonanza going
  • on and that that did strike me as an odd
  • choice of words I think right what must
  • have happened is he must have looked
  • under work competition in his language
  • if Ana still in them which was Bonanza
  • but it still struck me as odd and then
  • he said and even if there was conditions
  • would apply I'll be honest that pissed
  • me off
  • because you cannot tell me the
  • conditions apply to a competition but I
  • literally just made up so what I think
  • if I opened up her Photoshop and I took
  • a day and I sent them something I made
  • in send them something so this is what I
  • said I said then how do you explain this
  • and this is a
  • three toaster we're getting new account
  • so stubborn and then check it out guide
  • no good lickin supply so get out of that
  • and he did he said that do not include
  • while Bank of Scotland world why I said
  • one of my options I could do with new
  • cat said we would appreciate it if you
  • can open up the skippd again because you
  • are getting
  • I said just because saying if I bring it
  • up again I won't get it if I don't bring
  • my will
  • are you just saying I won't get at all
  • please stop talking of a free toaster I
  • thought of almost done it right homeless
  • I'm always good tired of me just once
  • really wants to drive annoy them almost
  • as much as they annoy us I've done about
  • you for me that sounds like a broken man
  • do do this at home do do this at home I
  • mean don't use your own email address
  • it's of a fake email address but do you
  • this at home because not only do you
  • have a chance to stop them doing actual
  • damage but it's also a chance to have
  • fun to play that being said I thought
  • I'd offer bet I said of course our sharp
  • breath again you have my word what we
  • want from you is to do the right thing I
  • said I'm a search
  • please still be
  • [Applause]
  • Oh

Download subtitle


James Veitch has spent years doing the tireless, thankless work of replying to spam emailers so you don’t have to. He returns to TED to tell the tale of yet another spam email adventure, this time with a vital lesson attached: How to annoy your way off any spammer’s mailing list.
TEDArchive presents previously unpublished talks from TED conferences.
Enjoy this unedited talk by James Veitch.
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