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Video Key & Peele - Retired Military Specialist

TheTV.info
04:18   |   today at 03:14

Transcription

  • [hinges creaking]
  • - I WAS WONDERING WHEN I WOULD COME IN HERE TO FIND YOU
  • SITTING IN THAT CHAIR.
  • - IT WASN'T EASY TRACKING YOU DOWN, DECKER.
  • - WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE.
  • - I KNOW YOU'VE RETIRED, BUT--
  • - THAT'S ALL BEHIND ME NOW, GENERAL.
  • I'M NOT THE MAN YOU KNEW DURING THE COLD WAR.
  • - I UNDERSTAND.
  • WE'RE NOW FACING A THREAT UNLIKE ANY WE'VE EVER FACED BEFORE.
  • A MAN WITH YOUR EXPERTISE-- - I MADE A VOW.
  • NEVER TO KILL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
  • SORRY, GENERAL, GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
  • - OH...
  • NO, WE WEREN'T THINKING YOU'D DO IT.
  • WE WERE--[clears throat] JUST HOPING YOU COULD
  • RECOMMEND SOMEONE FOR THE JOB.
  • - I GUESS I COULD COME OUT OF RETIREMENT.
  • - NO. NO NEED. JUST A RECOMMENDATION WILL DO.
  • - ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT.
  • - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST NOT WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
  • - YOU SLY SON OF A BITCH.
  • YOU ALWAYS KNEW HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS.
  • I'M IN.
  • - NOT YOU, DECKER.
  • - I'M SHARP AS I EVER WAS. - [sighs]
  • - EVEN FASTER TOO. GRAB MY HAND.
  • NOPE. WAIT TILL I COUNT TO THREE FIRST.
  • - REALLY?
  • - ONE.
  • TWO.
  • THREE.
  • OKAY.
  • I WANT YOU TO TRY AND SLAP ME IN THE FACE.
  • UNH! WASN'T READY FOR THAT.
  • TRY AGAIN.
  • UNH! OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • - NOW WHAT? - DIDN'T HAVE MY ADRENALINE UP.
  • 'CAUSE THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL HIGH-STAKES SITUATION.
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • DRAW YOUR WEAPON.
  • AND...DISARMED. [gun hammer clicks]
  • YOU'RE GETTING PRETTY QUICK AND DISARMED--OKAY.
  • I DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR WEAPON.
  • YOU KNOW WHAT? SHOOT ME.
  • - I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU.
  • - WING ME IN THE SHOULDER. - THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
  • - TRY, GENERAL. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
  • - [sighs]
  • - DEFLECTED--OOOWW!
  • - OKAY. I MADE A MISTAKE COMING HERE.
  • - WING ME IN THE OTHER SHOULDER. - I'D RATHER NOT.
  • - I INSIST.
  • DEFLECTED--AAAHH!
  • THAT WAS BECAUSE MY OTHER ARM WAS ALREADY INJURED.
  • - OKAY. I'M LEAVING. - [grunting] ALL RIGHT.
  • ALL OR NOTHING. GUT SHOT.
  • - NO! - GUT SHOT! COME ON!
  • IF YOU CAN SHOOT ME IN THE GUT, I'LL CONCEDE.
  • - DECKER, YOU HAVE TWO WOUNDED ARMS.
  • - GUT SHOT! GO!
  • - GOT IT. [groans]
  • - YOU--YOU CAUGHT THE BULLET?
  • - OH, YEAH. [groans]
  • - SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE BULLET
  • IS IN BETWEEN YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW.
  • - THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.
  • - [sighs]
  • [birds chirping]
  • - IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
  • COME ON.
  • HEAD SHOT.
  • HEAD SHOT. I'M READY.
  • ONE SEC THOUGH. [gunshot]

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Description

A backwoods hunter returns to his cabin to find an old military acquaintance waiting for him with an important request.

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