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Video SNL Presents Reality TV Sketches

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Feb 05, 2020

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SNL Presents Reality TV Sketches
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  • -I'm Grace.
  • I'm 22 in Liverpool years,
  • but if I were in the States, I'd be 41.
  • -I'm Bella-Rosa, from Essex.
  • My dad is a boxer, and my mum is a pub.
  • Just got my lips done.
  • I asked the doctor for an allergic reaction.
  • [ Ding! ]
  • -Hello! I'm Charlie.
  • I'm from Murder-Suicide, England.
  • And I've got two more years till my face
  • catches up with my liver.
  • ♪♪
  • -If you're a die-hard football fan,
  • you need nonstop NFL action.
  • That's why you turn to the Red Zone, the only channel
  • that shows every touchdown from every game.
  • But what if you want the same intensity,
  • and you don't like sports?
  • Introducing the Rosé Zone,
  • only the trashiest moments from every reality show
  • on one channel.
  • The Rosé Zone has all the scoring plays
  • you want to see most.
  • The touchdowns...
  • the tackles...
  • the celebrations...
  • and the fumbles.
  • -Let's face it. In an hour of reality television,
  • there's really only three minutes worth watching.
  • -Bitches be crazy, but not all the time.
  • Sometimes bitches just be standing around and thinking.
  • ♪♪
  • And Mama ain't about that.
  • -I mean, sometimes they'll, like, throw charity events
  • or spend time with their kids.
  • And I'm like, "[Bleep] that [bleep]"
  • -None of the tedious recaps,
  • none of the "let's make up and be friends again" lunches.
  • Just hot garbage 24-7.
  • -I don't care about their back stories.
  • I want to see women destroy other women.
  • -I want to see women defending their children.
  • Or women screaming at children.
  • -You didn't show up for a whole month to take class.
  • I have had it with you.
  • -And not eating salads.
  • -If you scratch yourself,
  • that's how you get stretch marks.
  • -Thanks to Rosé Zone, I can see a transsexual
  • throw a drag queen into a swimming pool
  • and still catch Kim Richards throwing a party
  • for her new nose.
  • -I love it.
  • -The Rosé Zone.
  • -'Cause life's short,
  • and I shouldn't have to watch Rob Kardashian
  • talk about his sock line.
  • -I love dress socks. I'm super into them.
  • -The Rosé Zone. It's bloodlust for women.
  • -It's "Love Island," the U.K. reality sensation
  • that America is obsessing over.
  • It turns out they also have 100% pure-grade trash
  • just like us.
  • Let's meet the Islanders.
  • -I'm Grace. I'm 22 in Liverpool years,
  • but if I were in the States, I'd be 41.
  • -I'm Bella-Rosa, from Essex.
  • My dad is a boxer, and my mum is a pub.
  • Just got my lips done.
  • I asked the doctor for an allergic reaction.
  • [ Ding! ]
  • -Hello. I'm Charlie.
  • I'm from Murder-Suicide, England.
  • And I've got two more years till my face
  • catches up with my liver.
  • -I'm from the part of Ireland where the soil is bones.
  • -Call me Finley.
  • I'm from Scotland, but I'm also Italian.
  • So my father is basically the scariest guy
  • you've ever seen in your life.
  • -I'm a personal trainer and I'm just looking for a lady,
  • like, a cheap one, for the rest of me life.
  • -They call me Mackenzie,
  • and I'm looking for the perfect guy, because there's absolutely
  • nothing wrong with me.
  • [ Laughs ] What?
  • -Watch the hottest people from the worst towns
  • immediately couple up with someone based on nothing.
  • -I would like to couple up with a guy who's exactly my type
  • on paper.
  • He's got tattoos.
  • He's got really great banter.
  • He's proper fit.
  • But, at the same time,
  • I'd go with anyone, so you.
  • -Hi. -Oh.
  • Well, you got great chat.
  • -You've heard an English accent.
  • You've heard an Irish accent.
  • Now hear all the little weirdies in between.
  • -What?
  • -That's right, they don't even understand each other.
  • Tune in as they face challenges like getting up from a beanbag.
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -Here I come.
  • -You will watch 50 hours of this.
  • You think you won't, but you will.
  • [ Moaning, bed creaking ]
  • -It was awesome to watch.
  • -You'll invest in vulnerable moments,
  • like when the girls take their makeup off.
  • -You know, I put so much bronzer on,
  • I think I might be doing brown-face.
  • Is this a hate crime?
  • -That's not bad, is it?
  • I look really different without me makeup on
  • 'cause of the contour.
  • -She's a really nice girl,
  • but I think her face might be a thumb.
  • -What? -But, at any point,
  • someone may be forced to leave the villa and turn in
  • their giant microphone.
  • -This bird and I got great crack.
  • She's got a great person-atily.
  • But, mostly, out of all the girls here,
  • she wore the smallest bikini.
  • So the person I'd like to couple up with...
  • is Grace. [ Gasping ]
  • -No, I knew it, I knew it. I knew it. It's okay.
  • -You're my best friend in the world.
  • No. -It's okay.
  • -Forget about it.
  • -Whole thing's a bit muggy.
  • I'm absolutely gutted.
  • [ Cellphone beeps ]
  • Are you joking?
  • 1.2 million Instagram followers?
  • Well, I don't have to be a stupid pediatric nurse anymore,
  • do I? Ka-ching!
  • ♪♪
  • -"Love Island," now available on Hulu.
  • We got this and "Handmaid's Tale."
  • -You're watching Bravo.
  • When does your boyfriend get back in town?
  • At 11:00, it's "Andy Cohen's Endoscopy Cam."
  • And coming up next --
  • Do you love our programming but don't give a "D"
  • about the storylines?
  • Keep watching for Bravo's newest reality show,
  • "The Real Intros of Reality Hills."
  • -Two's a crowd. Three's a party.
  • And six or more?
  • Honey, you need a reservation.
  • -My husband's a doctor, and my face, all science.
  • -I'm too old,
  • and my hair is too long.
  • -The South will rise again.
  • But when I stand up too fast,
  • I pass out.
  • -I might have a baby voice,
  • but my husband's 100 years old.
  • -You know what they say --
  • You're only as old as your current wife.
  • -I'm a real estate mogul who can't read.
  • Line up, ladies.
  • -I'm half-Jewish but I'm all woman.
  • Oy gevalt! You heard!
  • -I'm as gay as my twin.
  • -And I'm as gay as my wife.
  • -We own a skincare line that's huge in Iraq.
  • -Jealous?
  • -We boiled these women down to two lines.
  • You're welcome.
  • -Don't examine my charity too hard.
  • It's racist.
  • -My secret?
  • I used to be Asian.
  • -I respect the Sabbath.
  • Unless the Sabbath disrespects me.
  • Oy, vey, you're filming.
  • -His booty is real.
  • -But my personality is fake.
  • -Our niece played Topanga on "Boy Meets World."
  • -Jealous?
  • -Let's face it, we barely have storylines anyway,
  • so we cut to the chase.
  • -I give my sons open-mouth kisses
  • and I go to third with my dog.
  • Relax, it's him to me.
  • -I've dated my sister's friends
  • and I slept with my mother's friends.
  • Next year, I'm gonna gain 150 pounds.
  • That's what's up.
  • -Jesus was just a man, okurr?
  • -We're so close, we finish each other --
  • -Off. -There's a prison
  • named after our family.
  • -Jealous?
  • -You heard the tag lines.
  • Now all that's left is three seconds of drama.
  • -You know what you did, bitch.
  • [ Gasping ]
  • [ Pounding ]
  • -Is this wine kosher?
  • -This has been
  • "The Real Intros Of Reality Hills."
  • -You love the drama
  • on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."
  • -That's the point. -That's the point, Yolanda!
  • -Shh! -And you're crazy
  • for our newest spinoff, "Vanderpump Rules."
  • -Jax, I'm really pissed off right now.
  • -But what about Jax's dentist?
  • Did you know he's Moroccan?
  • Well, we gave him his spinoff --
  • "The Moroccans of Mulholland Drive."
  • -You missed my belly-dancing party.
  • -[ Gasps ]
  • -And did you see that guy walk by?
  • Good, 'cause he's married to Rod Stewart's god-niece.
  • Wednesdays at 9:00, it's
  • "Are You There, Rod? It's Me, Danessa."
  • -Damn it, Danessa, come on! The limo's waiting!
  • -Relax! I'm on the phone. [ Phone rings ]
  • Rod, it's me, Danessa.
  • -And buckle up,
  • 'cause the driver of that limo they mentioned
  • has his own spinoff. [ Horn honks ]
  • Thursdays at 8:00, it's
  • "Somewhere Chauffeur the Rainbow."
  • Meet Dominic. Between driving around celebrities
  • and cruising for Tinseltown's hottest twinks,
  • can this gay bear juggle it all?
  • I drive men...crazy.
  • And also to the airport. [ Car alarm chirps ]
  • One time, Dominic drove Francis Ford Coppola.
  • So we gave his granddaughters' best friends a show.
  • Thursdays at 9:30,
  • They run a smoothie shop in...
  • "A Coppola Coconuts."
  • -Our friends' grandpa may have directed "Apocalypse Now"...
  • -But we're sluts.
  • -Then Fridays at 6:00, those girls live next
  • the hottest plants in Hollywood. [ Doorbell rings ]
  • It's the "Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills."
  • But we're not done yet, 'cause one of those plants
  • used to date "The Count of Cabo."
  • Sundays from 7:00 to 7:05, meet Radu.
  • He's a modern-day Mexican vampire
  • with a taste for drama.
  • -Um, no, I can't come to your dog's birthday, Tamara.
  • It's during the day. Hello!
  • -Then Sundays, for one minute, who are Radu's best friends?
  • We don't know... but we found these guys
  • and put them on TV.
  • It's "The S--theads of Salzburg."
  • -Ja, we're from Austria.
  • -And we love to sex.
  • -And our penises are so small.
  • Hi!
  • [ Laughter ]
  • -They spend every night at Beverly Hills hotspot Sur,
  • which is featured in our new spinoff,
  • "Vanderpump Rules--" Wait, didn't we do that one already?
  • Everyone in the world.
  • Only on Bravo.
  • -Their wedding stole your heart.
  • Now, get ready for the latest Kardashian event.
  • -Whoopsies, I got divorced.
  • -"Kim's Fairytale Divorce."
  • -Can you believe I'm old enough
  • to have a daughter who's getting divorced?
  • No, you can't, because my surgeries worked.
  • I know a lot of people think that Kim got married
  • just to earn over $17 million from the wedding,
  • but that's not true.
  • She also got married for attention.
  • What do I have to do for attention...
  • kill somebody?
  • -Tune in for a storybook ceremony
  • as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
  • sign their divorce papers.
  • -Mm, you got it.
  • So it's been really hard.
  • All week we've just been crying and crying
  • and posing and crying
  • and getting our anuses bleached.
  • -If you get two, the third anus is free.
  • -I get the free one.
  • -I know, right?
  • Four sisters.
  • -Stepdad Bruce Jenner will walk her down the aisle.
  • -When I heard my Kim was getting married,
  • I was so happy, my face was like...
  • But when I heard she was getting divorced,
  • it broke my heart.
  • My face was like...
  • -Be there for the magical moment when Kim and Kris
  • reach a fair financial settlement.
  • -I've handled, like, over 200 divorces, right?
  • But this is the best one I have ever seen.
  • Alright, they gave me this great suit.
  • I got to ride in on a white horse, okay?
  • Unreal. They got scallops wrapped in bacon.
  • The bacon -- look at this. Wrapped in $100 bills.
  • -Join the Kardashians as they cope
  • with the pain of divorce all night long.
  • -I mean, this family is weird.
  • I mean, when they go out to dinner, it's all of them --
  • the mom, the kids,
  • and their grandmom Bruce Jenner, you know?
  • It's wack as [bleep].
  • -We may even hear from Kris Humphries.
  • -Uh...
  • -Boring.
  • -Marriages are heard, and it turns out
  • Kris was only half the man I wanted him to be.
  • And by that, I mean he was only half black.
  • But things are looking up for me.
  • I'm single, and there's an NBA lockout.
  • Wink.
  • -Don't miss "The Kardashian Fairytale Divorce,"
  • followed by all-new episodes of...
  • "Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami."
  • "Bruce Jenner and Kourtney's Baby Take Reno."
  • "Brody Jenner, Khloé, and Kris Take Vitamins."
  • And the one-hour television special,
  • "Lamar's Penis Revealed."
  • -Only on E!
  • -The world is a complete bummer right now,
  • and here at E!, we know that sometimes
  • you just have to be like, "Buuuuh."
  • So turn your brain off with our new lineup of fall programming.
  • First, we're celebrating 10 years of the Kardashian
  • dynasty with our new series,
  • "Kendall's Model House."
  • Tune in as Kendall Jenner and supermodel sisters
  • Bella and Gigi Hadid complain
  • around a huge bowl of fruit.
  • -I'm under a lot of pressure.
  • -So much pressure.
  • -You're prettier than me.
  • -No way.
  • You're so much prettier than me.
  • -Wait. Which one am I?
  • [ Laughter ]
  • Alexa?
  • -You are Kendall Jenner.
  • -What?! Not everything can be the news.
  • So if you want to feel absolutely nothing,
  • watch "Down Home with Blake and Gwen"
  • Tuesdays at 9:30.
  • They're just like us!
  • -♪ I love you, girl ♪
  • -♪ I love you, too ♪
  • -You go high.
  • -♪ I love you ♪
  • -You know what? We're going to work on it.
  • -You'd watch that for 20 minutes, and that's okay!
  • You know the moments on the "Kardashians" where Kanye
  • clearly doesn't want to be on camera?
  • Now there's a show that's just that.
  • It's "Where's Kanye?"
  • He's hanging back because he's shy,
  • or he doesn't want to be associated with the show.
  • "Where's Kanye?"
  • Then Wednesdays at 10:15,
  • get lost in "Kendall's World"...
  • -Hello? -...as Kendall Jenner
  • literally gets lost in her own house.
  • -Hello?!
  • -The house is so big and empty, and she's only there
  • two weeks out of the year.
  • -Is this the bathroom?
  • Damn. Closet again.
  • -But, hey, that's "Kendall's World."
  • And Thursdays at 10:00,
  • "Background Actors of Riverdale."
  • Then, they're bosses, hoes, and twins
  • on "Powerful Sluts of Miami."
  • And you love her on "Fashion Police."
  • Now reality star NeNe Leakes has her own show.
  • -I was on Bravo. Now I'm on E!
  • I'm everywhere, bitch. I hate that.
  • -NeNe Leakes is "I Hate That."
  • Round out the week with special episodes of "Kendall's World."
  • That's right -- she's still lost, but she found a comfy
  • closet to hunker down in.
  • -Oh, yay! -Yay!
  • -Where's Gigi?
  • -She didn't make it.
  • Did you go to the bathroom in here?
  • -"Kendall's World," Fridays at 9:00,
  • 9:30, 10:00, 10:30, and so on forever.
  • Only on E!
  • You...want...this!
  • ♪♪

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Description

Embrace your guilty pleasure with the best SNL reality television sketches, like Love Island and Rosé Zone.

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