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Video Modified Ramen - You Suck at Cooking (episode 80)

TheTV.info
06:13   |   02/23/2019 at 17:22

Transcription

  • According to the internet,
  • if you're in college,
  • you're required to survive off this stuff.
  • So you can save money - by sacrificing your health,
  • while accumulating debt
  • for a degree you won't use for a job
  • that will be done by robots by the time you don't graduate
  • because you realize you're in the wrong program two years too late,
  • but it doesn't matter because climate change is gonna destroy us all.
  • Yay education :D
  • *lit intro song*
  • The first thing you want to do when you're making instant ramen is check for WABS.
  • That's "Weak Ass Broth Syndrome."
  • Just make the broth and give it a taste.
  • If you've got WABS, then there's two ways to address it.
  • One: You can add more flavour with some bullion.
  • You can also just start with bullion and ditch that flavor pack altogether.
  • Or shove it in your roommate's stank-ass shoes.
  • Two: you can add less water.
  • Or...
  • subtract more water.
  • I usually use about half the recommended water, because I'm a bit of a maniac.
  • If you don't own a measuring cup, one tall can holds two cups of beer,
  • which is the equivalent of two cups of water.
  • Our first modified ramen is poached eggs,
  • which is great for breakfast or literally any other time at all.
  • The first thing you want to do is steal a scallion from your roommate.
  • Slip one out of the bag,
  • snap a leaf off your roommate's house plant,
  • then roll it up and replace it.
  • Then just tape a weed onto the plant and they'll never ever know.
  • Then grab a couple eggs...
  • which are taped to the ceiling of your fridge to keep your roommates from stealing from you.
  • Now chop up that scallion
  • and dream about a time in the future when you've graduated and you can finally buy a knife that's sharp.
  • Boil the water, adjust the broth to combat WABS,
  • add in the scallions, cook the noodz until they're soft,
  • Crack in the eggs, then cover with a lid until they're nicely poached.
  • These are nicely overcooked, but that's just fine.
  • [WHISPERING] I still love you....
  • The next recipe is spicy peanut broccoli, which will help you through your two-week vegetarian phase.
  • We're gonna combat WABS by creating a whole new flavor.
  • We're gonna go with the veggie chemical pack,
  • a teaspoon of hot sauce, and one to two tablespoons of natural peanut butter.
  • A handful of scallions,
  • we'll smash up some broccoli and throw a handful of that in there,
  • get the noodles in there and use a bit of aggression to take the edge off the vegetarianism.
  • Once it's boiled for a couple minutes, grab a bowl and-
  • --Uuuugh, gross.
  • When you live with roommates, you can't let stuff like this slide.
  • You've got to be a good proactive communicator.
  • "Dear [CENSORED] face,
  • RUDE!!!
  • -one of your roommates,
  • but I'm not gonna say who."
  • Some people are honestly just so inconsiderate.
  • And I got a bit distracted and boiled off too much of the water
  • but honestly
  • It's still amazing and I highly recommend trying this one.
  • To be successful in college means staying organized.
  • Before you go to bed, make a list of what you're gonna accomplish in the morning.
  • Pick out the clothes you're gonna wear the next day,
  • and above all, do not have that first dri-
  • [LOUD RAVE MUSIC] WAAAAUUUGGGHHH
  • [LOUD RAVE MUSIC]
  • Owww, my head.
  • Okay, alright, everyone makes mistakes.
  • You gotta regroup and just make sure you do-
  • [RAVE MUSIC CONTINUES]
  • [DRUNKENLY MUMBLED] I lug youiii siiiiii mich
  • [ALARM CLOCK] -Ooouch....
  • To get rid of your hangover, start with the Pedialyte latte,
  • and then we're gonna make hangover ramen.
  • We're gonna fry up some chopped bacon,
  • bring one cup of water to a boil,
  • cooled off fried bacon,
  • A tablespoon of salted butter and a bunch of grated parmesan.
  • Now get the noodles in and cook it down till it's a hundred percent artery cement.
  • Not to be confused with baking cement.
  • [CRUNCH] Mmm, baking cement.
  • The reason this helps with a hangover is because the grease and fat help the guilt to slide right out of your body.
  • And I feel so much better
  • I'm gonna work on my startup
  • because I know my degree isn't going anywhere, but my dot-com is gonna blow up,
  • I'm sure of it.
  • For a day of heavy coding,
  • I like to use a veggie pack, a tablespoon of Indian curry paste,
  • a handful of scallions,
  • (don't judge, just accept it, they make everything better)
  • and a half can of chickpeas.
  • The company I'm building is called wash-email-chine.
  • You know how hard it is to get quarters at a laundromat?
  • Well, for a monthly fee we mail you a washing machine with the quarters already inside it
  • so you can just wash your clothes then send it back with the provided envelope.
  • Also if you suck at chopsticks and forks,
  • Grab a pair of scissors and snip up the noodles to make them super spoon-friendly.
  • This last one is great for a date.
  • With yourself.
  • As long as you're not still vegetarian.
  • Throw in a beef packet,
  • add in a wack load of spinach which has infinite shrinkability potentials
  • so go nuts.
  • Throw in the noodz until they're soft,
  • then chop up some steak, throw that in and let it cook for a minute.
  • I can hear the barbecue purists from here.
  • "Oh, I wouldn't be caught dead boiling steak."
  • Well, you're not wrong,
  • I mean if you're dead, you're not gonna boil anything.
  • By the way, this one's 100% keto friendly...
  • provided you only eat the steak.
  • Keep in mind this isn't just a square of precooked noodles.
  • This is a palette of opportunity with infinite potential.
  • Just like the infinite potential of your own life,
  • which you are mostly wasting on the internet,
  • just like the rest of us.
  • But at least we're wasting our lives together.
  • But seriously, let's all try to get outside more,
  • or at least watch more videos that were shot there.
  • Ramen.
  • I want to thank Hello Fresh for sponsoring this video,
  • if you haven't heard of them then,
  • A: you probably live here, and
  • B: they're a meal kit subscription service that makes it super easy to just cook and eat
  • without the stress of having to go out in public.
  • One of the many ways they make it simple is the pre-measured ingredients
  • which means you're not gonna have a bottle of weird vinegar sitting in your cupboard for four years
  • because you wanted to make that thing that time.
  • The meals are designed so you can make them in around 30 minutes,
  • it's also great for getting out of your comfort zone if you want to learn to cook new things.
  • I learn new stuff every time I get a box and that's my favorite thing about it.
  • If you're a parent and your kids have gone off to college,
  • there's no better way to show them you love them than by sending them money.
  • But if you love them slightly less than that,
  • well... for $60 off that's $20 off your first three boxes.
  • Go to hellofresh.com and enter code YSAC60.

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For a total of $60 off, that’s $20 off your first 3 boxes of HelloFresh, visit https://bit.ly/2Bf88sh and enter YSAC60
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant_noodle
“Instant noodles were invented by Momofuku Ando (born Go Pek-Hok) of Nissin Foods in Japan.[1] They were launched in 1958 under the brand name Chikin Ramen. In 1971, Nissin introduced Cup Noodles, the first cup noodle product. Instant noodles are marketed worldwide under many brand names.

Ramen, a Japanese noodle soup, is sometimes used as a descriptor for instant noodle flavors by some Japanese instant noodle manufacturers. It has become synonymous in America for all instant noodle products.[2]”

If you've never had actual ramen from a Japanese restaurant, put that at the top of your food-related to do list. Actually go right now. I don’t care if you’re at work, just go.

Recipes:
Checking for WABS is mostly necessary with the cheap North American packets (as far as I know). If you get Asian versions of instant ramen there are a LOT of great ones with tons of flavor, sauces, dehydrated vegetables. Also the ones served in cup seems to be more deluxe.

Recipe #1: Broth of choice, Scallions and eggs. I tend to cook my egg most of the way through but you do you, boo.

Recipe #2: Veggie or chicken broth, Scallions, peanut butter, chopped broccoli. This is my favorite. A simpler version of my spicy peanut butter soup video.

Recipe #3: No broth, Bacon, butter, parmesan. For when you're feeling filthy and want to compound it.

Recipe #4: Veggie or chicken broth, Indian curry paste and chic peas. There are a lot of veggies that would work well in this. There are also a ton of Indian curry pastes but I haven't met one I didn't like.

Recipe #5 Beef broth, spinach, sliced steak. Slice the steak as thinly as possible. I was looking for flank steak, ended up using top sirloin, you could also use hanger steak or skirt steak...there is a lot of opinions on steak cuts but I'm already out of my comfort zone. Just in life in general.

If you've read this far, congratulations, I'm giving away a prize to the few that get this far. The prize is the gift of reading my random ramblings for the next couple of minutes.

Do you ever find yourself sitting around, living life, then suddenly you’re all WTF? I mean W IN T ACTUAL F. In an existential kind of way. Honestly the weight of actually existing, even when things are going great, is sometimes just super overwhelming. I'm not sure it's really fathomable. I mean if we think about the beginning of the universe and try to imagine the nothing that it came from, it's gotta be a trick. Like there can't have ever been nothing. But if there can't have ever been nothing then…this is the point at which I've actually gone mad. Help. My brain is trying to stretch in a way it wasn't built for. My brain isn't Simone Biles, you know? And you shouldn't expect it to be. It has limits. But is that just the ceiling of my own confidence? The real problem here is that I said you won a prize, and usually prizes are supposed to be something good where you feel, "yeah, I totally just won a prize, man, I love prizes.” But just look at this. I'm not even sorry. It's possible I was up late last night.

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