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Video Trump Labels The Trade War A 'Little Squabble'

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10:54   |   May 14, 2019

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Trump Labels The Trade War A 'Little Squabble'
Trump Labels The Trade War A 'Little Squabble' thumb Trump Labels The Trade War A 'Little Squabble' thumb Trump Labels The Trade War A 'Little Squabble' thumb

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  • WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
  • ( CHEERS ) TODAY, DONALD TRUMP NOT IN
  • WASHINGTON.
  • HE WAS OUT AND ABOUT.
  • TODAY, I BELIEVE, HE WENT TO LOUISIANA-- THE BIG SLEAZY IN
  • THE BIG EASY.
  • WHEN HE ARRIVED, THE LOUISIANA LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR GREETED
  • HIM WITH BIG HAIRY TRUMP SOCKS.
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I KIND OF LIKE THOSE.
  • I WOULDN'T MIEWND A PAIR OF THOSE MYSELF.
  • ( AS TRUMP ) "NICE SOCKS, NICE SOCKS, BUT IF
  • YOU REALLY LOVED ME, YOU'D GET MY FACE AS A TRAMP STAMP LIKE
  • BILL BARR DID."
  • FUN FACT-- THAT'S A TRUE STORY.
  • THAT'S A TRUE STORY.
  • THAT'S A TRUE STORY, YEAH.
  • FUN FACT: THOSE SOCKS WERE MADE IN C
  • FUTURE BY NEVER LETTING GO OF THE PAST.
  • >> THAT BEAUTIFUL DAY IN NOVEMBER 2016.
  • I'M SURE NOBODY REMEMBERS THE BEAUTIFUL DAY.
  • DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER THAT?
  • THAT'S ONE OF THE HIGHEST RATED DAYS IN THE HISTORY OF
  • TELEVISION.
  • ( APPLAUSE ) ONE OF THE HIGHEST!
  • ONE OF THE HIGHEST RATED DAYS.
  • DID ANYBODY NOT WATCH TELEVISION THAT NIGHT?
  • ALL OVER THE WORLD THEY WERE WATCHING!
  • >> Stephen: (AS TRUMP) "YES, IT WAS A MUST-SEE
  • TELEVISION EVENT.
  • EVERYBODY TUNED IN TO SEE ME RIDE MY DRAGON AND BURN
  • WASHINGTON TO THE GROUND.
  • AND PEOPLE COMPLAINED.
  • THEY'RE LIKE, WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
  • I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE
  • COMPLAINED.
  • THE WRITERS HAD BEEN HINTING ALL SEASON THAT THAT'S HOW WE WERE
  • GOING TO WRAP UP DEMOCRACY."
  • AND LOOKING AHEAD TO 2020, HE WENT AFTER JOE BIDEN.
  • >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO BIDEN.
  • WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
  • I'M LOOKING AT HIM-- I'M LIKE, THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE GUY I
  • KNEW.
  • WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
  • >> Stephen: (AS TRUMP) "THE BIDEN I KNEW WORKED IN THE
  • WHITE HOUSE.
  • WHERE IS HE?
  • I NEVER SEE HIM AROUND."
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL TAKE IT.
  • I'LL TAKE IT.
  • I'LL TAKE IT.
  • THEN, IN A BRIEF TANGENT ABOUT WIND POWER, HE ASKED THE
  • QUESTION WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING TO HEAR:
  • >> YOU WANT TO SEE A BIRD CEMETERY?
  • >> Stephen: (AS TRUMP) "DO YOU WANT TO?
  • I'LL TAKE YOU THERE.
  • IT'S CALLED K.F.C.
  • SO SAD, SO CRISPY."
  • EXTRA SAD, EXTRA CRISPY."
  • TRUMP'S NOT JUST TILTING AT WINDMILLS.
  • HE'S ALSO JOUSTING WITH CHINA.
  • AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN OUR ONGOING SEGMENT:
  • ♪ TRADE WAR, HUH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?
  • ♪ I AM REALLY ASKING SAY IT AGAIN, Y'ALL ♪
  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
  • I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT'S THE SECOND TIME YOU'VE SUNG THAT IN
  • THE SHOW, AND YOU END WITH "SAY IT AGAIN, Y'ALL," AND WE NEVER
  • SAID SAI IT AGAIN.
  • >> Jon: I KNOW.
  • >> Stephen: IT'S AN EMPTY CALL FOR ACTION, I'M SAYING.
  • LAST WEEK, DONALD TRUMP IMPOSED 25% TARIFFS ON $200 BILLION
  • WORTH OF CHINESE GOODS.
  • SO YESTERDAY, CHINA RETALIATED WITH TARIFFS ON $60 BILLION OF
  • AMERICAN PRODUCTS, INCLUDING BEER, WINE, AND SWIMSUITS,
  • EXPLAINING THE NEW MTV SHOW: "SPRING BREAK SHANGHAI: SOBER
  • AND NAKED."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THAT GUY IS JACKED.
  • THAT GUY IS JACKED.
  • ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS
  • THINKING ABOUT HITTING CHINA BACK WITH TARIFFS THAT WOULD
  • COVER NEARLY EVERY CONSUMER PRODUCT LEFT UNTOUCHED BY
  • PREVIOUS TARIFFS, INCLUDING CELL PHONES, LAPTOPS, AND TABLET
  • COMPUTERS.
  • BUT WITHOUT OUR DEVICES, AMERICANS WOULD HAVE TO TALK TO
  • EACH OTHER.
  • THAT-- THAT WON'T WORK!
  • WE CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON THE COLOR OF THIS SNEAKER.
  • IT IS LIGHT GRAY AND GREEN, OR I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL!
  • WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?
  • RIGHT, TRADE WAR.
  • >> Jon: WHAT'S IT GOOD FOR.
  • >> Stephen: TRADE WAR.
  • TRUMP IS NOT WORRIED, AS HE DEMONSTRATED BY GETTING UP AT
  • 6:30 A.M. AND CALMLY SENDING OUT TEN TWEETS, INCLUDING THIS ONE:
  • "WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, WE WILL MAKE A DEAL WITH CHINA.
  • MY RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP WITH PRESIDENT XI IS UNLIMITED, BUT
  • AS I HAVE TOLD HIM MANY TIMES BEFORE, THIS MUST BE A GREAT
  • DEAL FOR THE UNITED STATES, OR IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE."
  • LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
  • LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
  • HIS FRIENDSHIP AND RESPECT FOR XI IS UNLIMITED.
  • HE WON'T EVEN SAY THAT ABOUT HIS WIVES.
  • ( AS TRUMP ) "I WILL LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH
  • YOU ALL THE DAYS, UP UNTIL THE EXPIRATION DATE TATTOOED ON THE
  • BACK OF YOUR NECK."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, TRUMP STAYED UPBEAT,
  • PREDICTING, "WE CAN MAKE A DEAL WITH CHINA TOMORROW, BEFORE
  • THEIR COMPANIES START LEAVING, SO AS NOT TO LOSE U.S.A.
  • BUSINESS.
  • BUT THE LAST TIME WE WERE CLOSE, THEY WANTED TO RENEGOTIATE THE
  • DEAL.
  • NO WAY!
  • WE ARE IN A MUCH BETTER POSITION NOW THAN ANY DEAL WE COULD HAVE
  • MADE.
  • WILL BE TAKING IN DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, BILLIONS OF DOLLARS,
  • AND MOVING JOBS BACK TO THE U.S.A. WHERE THEY BELONG.
  • OTHER COUNTRIES ARE ALREADY NEGOTIATING WITH US BECAUSE THEY
  • DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO THEM.
  • THEY MUST BE A PART OF U.S.A.
  • ACTION.
  • THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY OUR LEADERS MANY YEARS AGO.
  • ENJOY!" ( LAUGHTER )
  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: REALLY?
  • YES, ENJOY THE TRADE WAR!
  • LET'S RIDE THE ECONOMY ALL THE WAY DOWN.
  • "WEEEEEEEE...
  • ARE SO SCREWED."
  • NOW, THIS MORNING, TRUMP WAS ASKED ABOUT THE TRADE WAR, AND
  • HE HAD A MILDER TERM FOR IT.
  • >> WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE SQUABBLE WITH CHINA.
  • >> Stephen: (AS TRUMP) "A SQUABBLE!
  • IT'S A SQUABBLE.
  • WE'VE HAD LOTS OF SQUABBLES THROUGHOUT HISTORY.
  • WE HAD WORLD SQUABBLE ONE, WORLD SQUABBLE TWO.
  • MY FAVORITE SHOW."
  • THEN TRUMP WAS CONFRONTED BY HIS ANCIENT ENEMY, THE FOLLOW-UP
  • QUESTION.
  • >> YOU SAY IT'S A SMALL SQUABBLE.
  • DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT AMERICANS WILL SUFFER BECAUSE OF
  • THIS?
  • >> YEAH.
  • SO, YOU HAVE NO TARIFF TO PAY WHATSOEVER IF YOU'RE A BUSINESS.
  • ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BUILD OR MAKE YOUR PRODUCT IN THE UNITED
  • STATES.
  • THERE'S NO TARIFF WHATSOEVER.
  • SO THAT REALLY WORKS OUT VERY WELL.
  • >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, IT WORKS OUT WELL.
  • TO STOP PAYING TARIFFS, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STOP USING
  • PRODUCTS MADE IN CHINA.
  • THAT'S GOING TO BE AWKWARD FOR TRUMP.
  • HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO STOP USING HIS TIES.
  • AND HIS HAIR, I'M GUESSING?
  • I'M NOT SURE-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • THAT'S MOSTLY SHEETROCK, RIGHT?
  • THAT'S GYPSUM.
  • OF COURSE, THE PEOPLE SUFFERING THE MOST IN THIS TRADE WAR ARE
  • AMERICA'S FARMERS.
  • CHINA HAS HAD TARIFFS ON AGRICULTURAL PRODUCTS FOR ALMOST
  • A YEAR NOW, SO, OF COURSE, TRUMP CALLED THAT A WIN, TWEETING,
  • "OUR GREAT PATRIOT FARMERS WILL BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST
  • BENEFICIARIES OF WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW.
  • HOPEFULLY, CHINA WILL DO US THE HONOR OF CONTINUING TO BUY OUR
  • GREAT FARM PRODUCT, THE BEST.
  • BUT IF NOT, YOUR COUNTRY WILL BE MAKING UP THE DIFFERENCE."
  • DID HE SAY "FARM PRODUCT?" I'M NOT SURE HE KNOWS WHAT GROWS
  • ON FARMS.
  • ( AS TRUMP ) "YOU KNOW, FARM PRODUCT.
  • AMBER WAVES OF THE BROWN GRASS STUFF, THE NON-CARBONATED WHITE
  • COW COLA, AND THE GREEN THING YOU TAKE OFF THE BURGER."
  • TRUMP IS PROMISING-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
  • "GREEN THING YOU TAKE OFF THE BURGER."
  • TRUMP IS PROMISING FARMERS $15 BILLION IN SUBSIDIES TO
  • REPLACE THE MONEY CHINA WOULD HAVE SPENT ON FARM PRODUCT.
  • BUT DUE TO PLUNGING COMMODITY PRICES, MANY FARMERS THINK THAT
  • WON'T BE ENOUGH TO CUSHION THE BLOW.
  • WELL, ONE MAN DOESN'T COTTON TO THESE FARMERS' COMPLAINTS,
  • ARKANSAS SENATOR AND "NECK MAGAZINE'S" NECK OF THE YEAR,
  • TOM COTTON.
  • SENATOR COTTON WAS ASKED ABOUT THE SACRIFICE FARMERS ARE
  • MAKING, AND HE WAS NOT IMPRESSED.
  • >> THERE WILL BE SOME SACRIFICE ON THE PART OF AMERICANS, I
  • GRANT YOU THAT.
  • BUT I ALSO WOULD SAY THAT SACRIFICE IS PRETTY MINIMAL
  • COMPARED TO THE SACRIFICES THAT OUR SOLDIERS MAKE OVERSEAS OR
  • THAT OUR FALLEN HEROES WHO ARE LAID TO REST IN ARLINGTON MAKE.
  • >> Stephen: WOW.
  • THAT IS TRUE, BUT IT'S A WEIRD WAY TO GET OUT OF ANSWERING THE
  • QUESTION.
  • "HONEY, DID YOU TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT?"
  • "NO, BUT NEITHER DID THE MEN WHO LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES AT D-DAY!
  • YOU TELL THEM THAT TOMORROW IS RECYCLING!
  • YOU TELL THEM TO SEPARATE THEIR PAPERS FROM PLASTICS.
  • NOW DARE YOU!
  • HOW DARE YOU!" ( APPLAUSE )
  • SPEAKING OF POLITICIANS USING THE TROOPS, WE MIGHT BE GOING TO
  • SQUABBLE WITH IRAN.
  • TENSIONS HAVE BEEN ESCALATING EVER SINCE TRUMP PULLED OUT OF
  • THE IRAN NUCLEAR DEAL, AND TODAY WE LEARNED THAT TRUMP'S NATIONAL
  • SECURITY ADVISORS HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN TO DEPLOY AS MANY AS
  • 120,000 TROOPS.
  • TRADE WAR, WAR-WAR-- IS THERE ANY KIND OF WAR TRUMP ISN'T
  • ABOUT TO START?
  • FLAME WAR?
  • CUPCAKE WAR?
  • ( AS TRUMP ) "I WILL DEPLOY 120,000 CUPCAKES
  • TO THE TROUBLED REGION OF MY MOUTH."
  • TRUMP WAS ASKED-- TRUMP WAS-- ( APPLAUSE )
  • "SO SAD.
  • WE LOST SO MANY CUPCAKES.
  • WE LOST SO MANY CUPCAKES.
  • TRUMP WAS ASKED ABOUT IT THIS MORNING.
  • >> ARE YOU PLANNING TO SEND 120,000 TROOPS TO THE MIDDLE
  • EAST IN RESPONSE TO IRAN?
  • >> I THINK IT'S FAKE NEWS, OKAY?
  • NOW, WOULD I DO THAT?
  • ABSOLUTELY.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: (AS TRUMP)
  • "THAT IS THE MOST INSANE THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
  • SOUNDS LIKE ME."
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
  • TONIGHT.
  • THE NEW TEAM FROM "CBS THIS MORNING" IS HERE!
  • STICK AROUND.

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Description

Today's Donald Trump vocabulary word of the day: squabble.

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