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10:07   |   views   |   11/01/2017


  • David: Damn look at that, dude.
  • Zane: Dang. You like that bumble bee ass?
  • Scotty: Damn look at that, dude.
  • David: Stop it! You're not me!
  • Scotty: You're not me!
  • David: AHH! I'm not you either!
  • Together: French fries on a mustard seed. Stop copying me! Nobody ever loved you 'cause you're a piece of shit.
  • Together: No, I'm a piece of shit
  • Together: Wait, what?
  • Together: Dang it!
  • *Laughs*
  • Hello everybody and welcome to my vlog
  • Right now you are listening to my intro song
  • In just about two seconds the show will go on
  • one
  • uh..
  • Two you idiot!
  • Scotty: Bro guys there's some beef going on in Todd's room.
  • Scotty: What's going on here?
  • Scotty: *gasp* Jason.. really?
  • Jason: I'm glad you brought your camera actually.
  • Scotty: I brought my camera because I heard there was beef.
  • Jason: It's very serious! And I want everyone to take this very seriously right now!
  • Scotty: I'm trying.
  • Jason: Stop laughing! Don't you smirk. We're out there--
  • Jason: I don't know why you're laughing
  • Jason: I don't think this is a funny matter at all.
  • Joe: Neither do I. I get nervous. I start laughing, okay?
  • Jason: Now here's what happened. Now I don't like to throw people--- *laughs*
  • Scotty: God damn it!
  • Toddy: You have an issue with him
  • Jason: Joe's out there--
  • Scotty: Wait a second. You have an issue with him. Maybe I wanna have an issue with you!
  • Jason: Double issue!
  • Scotty: Here you hold my camera. Give me those glasses.
  • Toddy: Here hold this!
  • Jason: That was-- That was-- Those were my glasses!
  • Scotty: They're my glasses now! Stop laughing! Take me seriously! Take me seriously right now!
  • Toddy: No, I have an issue with you.
  • Scotty: No, I have an issue with you.
  • Toddy: I'm going to take your dog. And that's it.
  • Toddy: I'm going to take your dog.
  • Scotty: Here now you hold this camera. Let's give him that camera. And you take these glasses--
  • Scotty: And I'm here at my baby brother Dave's house. Dave! You're a silhouette, Dave. Turn the f--- around
  • You know how cameras work? Dave! Say something.
  • Dave: I don't want to.
  • Scotty: Oh, I like this merch. The sad pumpkin merch. Who gave you that?
  • Dave: You did
  • Scotty: Oh yeah, the link to that merch is in my description below. But, what are we doing right now, Dave?
  • Dave: We're gonna get coffee first, because I've got a pounding headache.
  • Scotty: But first, coffee.
  • Dave: And then we're going to go to the mall and get some uh f---ing clothes for our mom.
  • Scotty: Why not bring along my little f--- ass brother. The leprechaun.
  • Dave: I don't know why you f---ing called me.
  • Scotty: We're gonna get some clothes for mama
  • Dave: I'd like to show you where my pumpkin bled out.
  • Dave: This is the bottom half.
  • Scotty: There's the top half.
  • Scotty: It just melted. That's really ugly. It kinda looks like your head: So orange.
  • Dave: I thought you'd go with beard. That would make more sense.
  • Scotty: Your whole head is orange, Dave.
  • Scotty: Not just the beard.
  • Scotty: Macy's!
  • Scotty: This is where it all begins, Dave.
  • Scotty: This is where we find clothes for Mother.
  • Scotty: Do you think mom would look good in this?
  • Dave: Uh.. Looks like a work shirt.
  • Scotty: Dave. That's a red dress
  • Dave: Wear it for work.
  • Scotty: Do you think she'd like this?
  • Dave: No
  • Scotty: These are like drapes for a window.
  • Scotty: Do you think she would want to be like a ballerina or something?
  • Dave: Her favorite color is green.
  • Scotty: This is like a St. Patrick's Day outfit. Dave, can you put this on? You would look like the cutest leprechaun in that.
  • Dave: You can go f--- yourself.
  • Scotty: I like this. Where is this Dave?
  • Dave: There! Scotty: On the ground? Dave: Up up up. Scotty: Up? Oh
  • Shit, you're right. Let's get that one
  • Scotty: Are we doing shoes now or should we do shoes after we pick all the outfits?
  • Dave: End of the outfit, bro.
  • Scotty: What?
  • Dave: End of the outfit
  • Scotty: Outfit first?
  • Dave: End of the o---
  • Scotty: Why are you shaking so much? Why are you moving around?
  • Dave: End of the outfit.
  • Scotty: What are you saying? What's wrong with you?
  • Dave: She'd actually wear that.
  • Scotty: Let's get that exact mannequin look, right now.
  • Scotty: Ah.. the best place of the mall: the restrooms.
  • Scotty: Gucci flip-flops Gucci slip-slops
  • Dave: She would love snakes. She used to have a snake
  • Scotty: Dave, the sneakers are popular.
  • Dave: I like the pillows.
  • Scotty: Dude, we can't get mom a pillow that doesn't go with the whole outfit thing. What's she gonna do with the Gucci pillow, Dave?
  • Dave: She's gonna put it on a Gucci couch.
  • Scotty: She doesn't need a pillow. She needs shoes. Is that Blake Lively?
  • Dave: I don't know who the f--- that is.
  • Scotty: She's from Gossip, Girl. Do You know Gossip Girl or not?
  • Dave: No
  • Scotty: But we got mom the package. Do you think she'll like them?
  • Dave: No
  • Scotty: Damn it. Hey Dave, remember when you wanted to give up on shopping? Well, you know what? "You need to give up on giving up."
  • Scotty: Did I just spit on you?
  • Scotty: Sorry. You're very cute, but you need to stop jumping on me. Down! Down!
  • Dave: She only jumps on bitches. I don't know.
  • Scotty: Wooowwww, dude. Shut the hell up
  • Dave: Gotta slip that one in there.
  • Scotty: Shut your bitch ass up!
  • Dave: Hello mama. Scotty: Mama! Hi mum
  • Dave: Do you wanna go get mom. *incoherent noises*
  • Scotty: Woohoo
  • We went to Macy's me and Dave today, and we got you some outfits
  • Are you serious? How would you even know what I wear?
  • I asked Todd your husband so the idea is you're supposed to try on the outfits so
  • What if I look hideous? Scotty: That's better for the video. *Both laugh*
  • This is the first outfit we were gonna get you black shoes to go with it
  • But we didn't because we ran out of time okay
  • Is Luna in there still isn't that gonna be a pain in the ass you should probably kick the dog out
  • Your mom's the baby. She's a little baby. It's the baby. You're the baby. You're my little baby brother. It's a baby, it's a baby.
  • What do you think?
  • What do I think let's see it.
  • I'm a little fat
  • what do you mean you're a little fat, you look great
  • I love it! Scotty: Is it comfortable?
  • Yes! It looks awesome. I would have never got like purple pants and tight ones I always get bootleg
  • And I can wear it without
  • First outfit was a great success high-five. That's what you get for picking what's on the mannequins
  • *Laughing* Is that what you did?
  • Second outfit. This is kind of a casual outfit, so we got you some casual shoes to go with it some Gucci's
  • Gucci is not casual
  • These are fairly casual. Okay, I'll be right back. And there she goes
  • These are so cool!
  • Oh my god! you're kidding me
  • Oh my god!
  • Dave: And those are interchangeable. Watch out dog watch you straight on those.
  • Scotty: those are bad shoes to chew on
  • Say hi Luna. Scotty: Hey Luna.
  • What's your name hmm. Dave: You can call her bitch
  • What's your name? I forget actually. Dave: Lilly.
  • Scotty: Lilly, we got Lily Luna and loser all in the same room
  • Dave: you started talking about yourself
  • No, I was talking about you idiot
  • These have gotta be the coolest shoes ever
  • Look at that! Scotty: Damn! You stunting' boy
  • *Modelling music*
  • I cannot believe these shoes. I've never seen anything like it. So they have different ones
  • Scotty: looks like you like 'em
  • I love 'em!
  • This one is something that you probably will never wear
  • Why is that? Scotty: I wanted to buy something that I didn't think you would wear, but you might wear, so there's that.
  • All right. Let's see the dress mother.
  • *Modelling music*
  • I think we did a good job.
  • I would have never picked this out for myself. Scotty: But you like it.
  • I love it! I am thrilled, thank you!
  • Of course. You're welcome
  • I don't know what just happened
  • The thing fell down and the cat jumped down.
  • It was very very taxing on our minds and our bodies walking through the women's aisles of clothing trying to find things for you
  • Dave: I caught a cold. Scotty: Wait, so mom four for four outfits, no returns? Four for four *High five*
  • Success Dave success. We did it.*pathetic high five*
  • I almost forgot one more thing, sad pumpkin shirt. I didn't include it in the bag
  • Well, no, this is the best
  • David. You know I'm filming why do you have to be such a bad younger brother? I'm such a douche
  • Dom what are you doing? Pushups
  • Well you're looking great dude? What are we filming today? Doing a little yoga session with Derek D
  • I'm your host and your fucking yoga instructor, wait your'e Darryn D. Derek bitch. Okay, all right
  • I'm excited now guys. You're gonna have to take the jeans off
  • You should have told me what we were doing before I came over. I have stuff. You have stuff for me?
  • You're gonna be a little tight, but I like it tight
  • Holy shit!
  • Todd I didn't know you were here
  • Fucking, just took the crap of the century. You know what I'm saying.
  • The crap of this holy shit, dude it stinks in there. Wow this is cool. This is dope. That's nice, I like this
  • What is this is your prized possession right, where's it from?
  • It's from the art world. The art world
  • It's worth 25 grand so don't fucking touch it
  • Guys if you want to steal a cool painting this one's worth, 25 grand
  • guys guys come on you bitch. Tod's like,
  • Tod's like your mom trying to blog
  • Babe, Liza! What?
  • Who are you? Jet. Jet
  • Scotty: Nooo [impersonating David]
  • How does she do this?
  • You know what I bet there's a lot of other kids dressed just like you this Halloween, okay, let's go say hi to David
  • Dinner. That's our dog
  • David I found your girlfriend
  • David: Oh my god! Dude, that seriously looks like my girlfriend! Are you me?
  • Scotty: I'm you!
  • Wait what?
  • *repulsive noise*
  • Scotty: I'm David. That's Jeff
  • Zane: David was just about to put me in the blog. You just took my shine away
  • David: Oh my god! She really looks like Liza. What are you doing later today? Scotty: David.
  • David: Sorry. Scotty: How come you're not me for Halloween I was really hoping I walk in here
  • You'd have gray hair and an annoying voice
  • Scotty: Nooo [impersonating David]
  • That's, that's fucking hilarious
  • Liza [on phone]: Ohh! It's so good! *screams* David!
  • I'm David
  • Okay, wait a second. I don't like seeing you guys side by side you're gonna mistake her for your girlfriend
  • Come on Jet, let's go make puns at Target
  • Scotty: Nooo
  • And that's it for today's video folks, thank you guys so much for watching
  • I just want to let everyone know my video comes out tomorrow my music video for my life sucks
  • *yesss* *clapping and applause everywhere*
  • Is everyone excited. I'm pretty excited.
  • We're excited right I'm excited
  • This video is hot off the presses. It's directed by some hot directors people are talking about it down at Wyatt
  • Charlie's school, okay, so anyways. Wow now I'm all zoomed in on my face
  • You can pre-order the song it comes out tomorrow
  • and you will be able to listen to the full thing and give a shout out to someone with my
  • notifications on and today that person is Jess. Jess here's your shoutout.
  • This will suggest I'm just trying to impress you and rapping fast is the best thing that I can do I can't
  • do it long or I'll get the words wrong so I'm stopping right now. Yeah, I'm ending the song
  • Thanks for watching. Let's
  • Stop staring at me Zayn. Honestly how many times do you have to redo it
  • That was it I'm done. Let's roll out to the - let's roll out to the credit. God dang it. Let's roll out to the credits.
  • Mama won't buy me David Dobrik merch. No, she won't stick her sticky fingers in her purse
  • and if she don't give me money imma steal from church. Coz I can't let-
  • *evil cackle* OWWWWWWW
  • Bee-have

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I surprise my mom with new outfits and gucci shoes! We celebrate Halloween... and my new song and music video comes out tomorrow! PREORDER MY LIFE SUCKS HERE:



For business:

Music by Andrew Fitz: Instagram/Twitter; @80fitz

Broskis In the Video

Todd Smith - Twitter/Instagram; @todderic_ Snapchat; @toddysmithy

Kristen - Twitter; @KristenMcAtee Instagram/Snapchat; @KristenMcAtee


David Dobrik- Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat; @DavidDobrik

Jason Nash- Twitter/Instagram; @JasonNash Snapchat; @Jason23Nash

Zane Hijazi - Twitter/Instagram; @Zane Snapchat; @ZaneHijazi

Heath Hussar - Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat; @HeathHussar

David Sire -

Keviwopp - Snapchat; @Keviwopp

80fitz - Instagram/Twitter; @80fitz

Jay Walker - Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat; @JayWalkr

Jay Boice - Twitter; @JayABoice Instagram; @JayBoice Snapchat; @JayTheCat

Joe Wegner - Instagram; @WegnerJoe Snapchat; @Joe_Wegner

Liza Koshy - Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat: @LizaKoshy

Matt King - Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat: @MattRKing

Alex Ernst- Twitter; @AlexErnst Instagram; @Ernst Snapchat; @AlexErnst

Joe Vulpis -

Carly Incontro - Instagram/Twitter; CarlyIncontro Snapchat; pooopflinger

Erin Gilfoy - Instagram/Twitter; @Goddess_Eriu Snapchat; Erin_Gilfoy

Elton Castee - Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat; EltonCastee

Brandon Calvillo - Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter: @BJCalvillo

Brennen Taylor - Twitter/Snapchat - BrennenTaylor Instagram - Brennen

If you're still reading this, that's so great. Good for you, reading is really good for you. But, I think you should probably stop reading this and find something a little more intellectual. You know, a book or a magazine... something that will really get you thinking. Maybe Seventeen's issue with Cameron Dallas on the cover? Whatever you decide to do, have fun! See you next time :)


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