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Video Weekend Update on Michael Cohen Raid - SNL

TheTV.info
03:09   |   today at 12:18

Transcription

  • >>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
  • >> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
  • I'M COLIN JOST. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE.
  • WELL, DONALD TRUMP HAD A PRETTY TOUGH WEEK, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • I THINK I'M STILL GOING TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] THE FBI RAIDED THE HOME, OFFICE
  • AND HOTEL ROOM OF PRESIDENT TRUMP'S PERSONAL LAWYER,
  • MICHAEL COHEN, THIS WEEK. AUTHORITIES FIRST BECAME
  • SUSPICIOUS OF COHEN WHEN THEY FOUND OUT HE WAS THE LAWYER FOR
  • DONALD TRUMP. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD FOR TRUMP.
  • IF BEING BLACK HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT'S THAT WHEN THE
  • FEDS COME KICKING IN YOUR DOOR, THEY GOT SOMETHING.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] FBI RAIDS ARE LIKE WHEN YOUR
  • GIRL GOES THROUGH YOUR PHONE. SHE'S ONLY DOING IT TO CONFIRM
  • WHAT SHE ALREADY KNOWS. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> THIS MICHAEL COHEN RAID IS BEING CALLED HISTORIC AND IT'S
  • AMAZING HOW WE KEEP HEARING "HISTORIC" IN REFERENCE TO
  • THINGS THAT HAPPEN DURING TRUMP'S ADMINISTRATION, AND NONE
  • OF THEM ARE POSITIVE. HISTORIC HAS BECOME A POLITE WAY
  • OF SAYING, "UNBELIEVABLY TERRIBLE."
  • LIKE WOW, THE CLEVELAND BROWNS ARE HAVING ANOTHER HISTORIC
  • SEASON. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • OR WALKING OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND SAY, YOU BETTER GIVE IT A
  • MINUTE, I JUST DID SOMETHING HISTORIC.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] >> PRESIDENT TRUMP ORDERED AN
  • AIR STRIKE ON SYRIA FRIDAY NIGHT SO I GUESS WE'RE AT WAR NOW TOO,
  • YAY! THESE TRUMP STORIES SOAR RANDOM
  • SKIN SANE, I FEEL LIKE A CONTESTANT ON "CHOPPED."
  • "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THESE INGREDIENTS?"
  • [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO
  • TRY TO CREATE A DISTRACTION, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING
  • SMALL LIKE TWEETING THE "N" WORD AT TRISTAN THOMPSON.
  • I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO PUT US IN A FULL WAR.
  • [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] PLUS ISN'T HE GOING TO JAIL
  • SOON? HE SHOULDN'T BE SIGNING US UP
  • FOR STUFF, HE SHOULD BE KISSING US ON THE FOREHEAD AND TELL US
  • TO TAKE CARE OF MOMMY. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> IN HIS MEMOIR "A HIGHER LOYALTY," JAMES COMEY CALLS
  • PRESIDENT TRUMP EGO DRIVEN AND SAID THAT HE IS UNTETHERED TO
  • TRUTH. THE BOOK WAS COAUTHORED BY
  • CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • PRESIDENT TRUMP RESPONDED TO THE CLAIMS IN COMEY'S MEMOIR CALLING
  • HIM A LEAKER AND A LIAR, WHICH COINCIDENTALLY IS ALSO THE NAME
  • OF THE VIDEO THE RUSSIANS HAVE. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • >> ACCORDING TO JAMES COMEY'S MEMOIR PRESIDENT TRUMP DENIED
  • ALLEGATIONS IN THE RUSSIAN DOSSIER SAYING, I'M A
  • GERMOPHOBE, THERE'S NO WAY I WOULD LET PEOPLE PEE ON EACH
  • OTHER AROUND ME. FIRST OF ALL, YOU CAN'T KEEP
  • CALLING YOURSELF A GERMOPHOBE WHEN YOU'RE OUT RAW DOGGING PORN
  • STARS. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • ALSO, PAYING HOOKERS TO PEE ON EACH OTHER WHILE YOU HANG BACK
  • AND WATCH IS EXACTLY SOMETHING A GERMOPHOBE WOULD DO.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] SIDEBAR, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO
  • THINKS THE PRESIDENT BEING INTO PEEPEE IS, I DON'T KNOW, KIND OF
  • CHARMING? [ LAUGHTER ]
  • YEAH? [ LAUGHTER ]
  • I MEAN, IT'S HUMANIZING. LIKE REMEMBER WHEN WE SAW THAT
  • VIDEO OF OBAMA PLAYING BASKETBALL?
  • WE WERE LIKE, "WOW, HE'S JUST LIKE US."
  • WELL, SAME THING, BUT LIKE TIMES TWO.
  • [ LAUGHTER ]

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Description

Weekend Update anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che tackle the week's biggest news, including the FBI raiding the home, office and hotel of Michael Cohen, President Donald Trump's lawyer.

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