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Video EVERY PREGNANCY EVER

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05:28   |   Jun 17, 2019

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EVERY PREGNANCY EVER
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  • Hey, so I want you to know,
  • I know your hormones are gonna be all crazy with the pregnancy,
  • but I'm gonna do my best not to upset you.
  • That's really sweet, but I have complete control over my emotions.
  • I'm gonna be like the chillest pregnant woman ever.
  • Cool.
  • *coughs*
  • What was that?!
  • I-uhh-I coughed
  • Well okay, it woke me up and I'm too tired to fall asleep,
  • so now I'm gonna have high blood pressure,
  • and the baby's not gonna develop properly,
  • and it's probably gonna turn out to be like a serial killer,
  • or an investment banker,
  • so I hope that cough was worth it to you, DUSTIN!
  • Um, uh, I'm sorry?
  • I'M UPSET, WHY AREN'T YOU COMFORTING ME?!
  • *cries*
  • Hey, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
  • Oh god, you smell like water!
  • (wut jus happened)
  • What the fuck? (same)
  • Every Pregnancy Ever
  • Oh, how do you feel about Emily?
  • Emily Grace Bundy?
  • Urgh, no. Reminds me of Emily Reagan.
  • Urgh, god. In third grade, she used to take a part of PB&J sandwich
  • and slap the jelly side right on my back.
  • *chuckles*
  • Cool. It's not cool how she did that to you as well.
  • Oh, what about Victoria?
  • Oh, like that stripper that I heard about from Dave?
  • Tell me all about her.
  • Nevermind.
  • Oh, I got it! Theodora? After my grandma.
  • Oh, I actually really like that!
  • Oh, we could call her like Teddy or Ted for short!
  • I love that.
  • Wait. Does, does Ted Bundy sound familiar to you?
  • Uh, yeah.
  • That's when you know it's a good name.
  • He's kicking my spleen right now!
  • Now, the contractions should start to beginning a little bit more intense.
  • So, if you want an epidural for the pain...
  • No. No drugs. I wanna be present and feel everything.
  • Well, alright. Well, if you decide otherwise...
  • *cries in pain*
  • DRUGS! GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS!
  • Are you sure, baby? You said you didn't want your dru-
  • ahhhh.
  • oh, god.
  • Give her the drugs, give her the drugs.
  • MAKE ME FUCKING NUMB!!!
  • I'm craving ham but also death.
  • Any day now, huh?
  • Heh, yep.
  • You're not gonna give birth in a hospital, am I right?
  • I am, why?
  • Oh well, a water birth is way easier.
  • Plus, hospitals just treat you like a number.
  • You know if you want ever a recommendation
  • for a great birthing center with an awesome midwife...
  • No, thanks. Were your kids born there?
  • No, I don't have any kids. Gross. No.
  • I do have a cat, though. Was not really my cat.
  • The cat is in labor when I found him once.
  • So he's like a furbaby. (wtf just happened)
  • Oh no, my innie has become an outie.
  • That thing's not true too, like I'm scared I'm gonna
  • have to end up getting a C-section and I don't want that.
  • Really? I think I'd rather have my abdomen sliced open
  • than my vagina torn to shreds.
  • Yeah but the incision get infected like so easily.
  • Like, can you imagine, taking care of a newborn baby
  • while also having this open, gaping wound
  • that's infected across your abdomen?
  • Hmm...
  • Infected gaping wound or a vagina that looks like hamburger meat?
  • Hmmm...
  • *throws up in disgust*
  • I can't wear my true religions anymore.
  • I can't wait to find out
  • what genitalia our unborn child's gonna have
  • in front of all our friends and family
  • who probably don't even care.
  • Yeah, and I'm gonna be visibly upset if it's a girl
  • because I don't know how to relate to women
  • that I'm not trying to have sex with.
  • And we're both gonna put a ton of pressure on our child
  • to meet all the gender stereotypes
  • Yeah, we are.
  • Alright, let's do this, guys! 3, 2, 1!
  • *cheering*
  • (congrats, it's a boy)
  • Now I can love my child until he disappoints me!
  • *awkwardly cheers some more by himself*
  • It's not a pregnancy glow, I'm just sweating.
  • Hey uh, when's the baby due?
  • What baby?!
  • Oh, I-I am so sorry. I thought, honest to God, like...
  • Dude, I'm just fucking with you, you idiot.
  • It's due tomorrow, you fucking moron.
  • Hey Chloe, I just did the "What baby?" joke to Luke
  • and he totally fell for it.
  • Ahuhu, what a fucking moron.
  • I know, right?
  • You stupid, stupid little man.
  • I heard Becky says she was impregnated by aliens.
  • Thank you
  • Oh, what a beautiful little blessing.
  • Uhh... oh, pizza and ice cream.
  • Wowl, rude.
  • Let's go, kids.
  • *baby pizza and ice cream crying*
  • We're ready to be parents.
  • Oh, parents to a little Ted Bundy..
  • Mm-hm, a little Bundy in the oven.
  • We're gonna make good choices that affect you
  • in the long run.
  • Yeah, sweetheart. We're thinking about your future.
  • Right away.
  • BEFORE I KILL MY HUSBAND!
  • I'LL DO IT! I'LL FUCKING DO IT!
  • Do it. Do it. Do it.
  • Do it.
  • Oh no. I don't have any kids.
  • *chuckles*
  • I'm just a very specific kind of pervert.
  • Ok, cool.
  • So, um... send me pics
  • Yeah man, sure man!
  • Oh, you're in it.
  • I'm on!
  • Subs made by Jumper Dumper (and revised by thxnhvy hxynh)
  • Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe!
  • Peace!

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Description

Everyone raves about the joy of having a bun in the oven and eating for two, but nothing can prepare you for the hormones, unpredictable mood swings, and hideous maternity clothes. This is EVERY PREGNANCY EVER.

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Courtney Miller (@co_mill)
Shayne Topp (@supershayne)
Kimmy Jimenez (@kimmydoesstuff)
Damien Haas (@damienhaas)
Ian Hecox (@smoshian)

CREW
Director: Ryan Todd
Writers: Monica Vasandani & Ryan Finnerty
Production Manager: Margo McHugh
1st AD: David Gutel
PA: Jacqi Jones
PA: Austin Barrett
DP: Mitch Anderson
Cam Op: Brennan Iketani
Cam Op: Billy Yates
1st AC: Shelby Conzelman
DIT: Matt Duran
Art Director: Steven Cirocco
Set Decorator: Tayler Nicholson
Props/Stage Coord: Yasmeen Mughal
Set Dresser/Buyer: Natalia Brito
Sound Mixer: Greg Jones
Script Supervisor: Merina Seidel
Makeup: Rachel Jenkins
Wardrobe: Athena Lawton
Gaffer: Billy Yates
Gaffer: Joseph Putruzzello
Gaffer: Anthony Hwang
Key Grip: Trent Turner
Community Manager: Cece Wrenn
Content Manager: Kiana Parker
It/Equipment Manager: Tim Baker
Executive Assistant: Nancy Azcona
Smosh Sketch Editor: Mike Small
GFX: Brittany Metz
Executive Producer: Ryan Todd

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