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Video The Adjust-a-Bust

TheTV.info
04:26   |   24M+ views   |   today at 14:01

Transcription

  • - OH BOY, I HAVE EXCITING MEDICAL NEWS, EVERYBODY.
  • THIS IS GOING TO BE-- A DOCTOR IN NEW YORK
  • MADE A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH.
  • HE'S PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEED TO WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE,
  • 'CAUSE HE INVENTED SOMETHING CALLED "INSTA-BREASTS."
  • [audience laughter]
  • HARD TO SAY, BUT IT'S "INSTA-BREASTS."
  • IT'S A BREAST ENLARGEMENT AND IT ONLY LASTS 24 HOURS.
  • [audience laughter and reaction]
  • TAKE THAT, CHINA!
  • [audience laughter]
  • LOOK WHAT WE CAN DO HERE!
  • SERIOUSLY, TAKE IT. WE DON'T WANT IT.
  • [audience laughter]
  • IT'S LIKE IF YOU'RE CINDERELLA, EXCEPT THAT AFTER MIDNIGHT,
  • INSTEAD OF LOSING YOUR SLIPPER, YOU LOSE YOUR PUMPKINS.
  • [laughter and applause]
  • SEE, 'CAUSE-- [applause]
  • I KNOW--I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,
  • "WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"
  • "I'D LIKE TO TAKE THOSE GIRLS FOR A TEST DRIVE,"
  • YOU'RE THINKING.
  • KEEP IN MIND, THE PROCEDURE COSTS $2,500.
  • [audience ohs] $2,500.
  • WHICH IS CRAZY, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF SPENDING $2,500 ON THAT,
  • YOU COULD HAVE...$2,500. [audience laughter]
  • I MEAN, YOU COULD JUST STUFF YOUR SOCKS IN THERE
  • OR SOMETHING, THAT'S--YOU KNOW.
  • THAT'S WHAT I'D DO. [audience laughter]
  • THESE ARE SOCKS. [audience laughter]
  • THANK YOU.
  • PEOPLE ARE: "OH, THOSE ARE SOCKS."
  • [audience laughter]
  • TUBE SOCKS. AND SO--
  • [audience laughter] NO, THEY'RE NOT SOCKS.
  • [laughs] [audience laughter]
  • I HAD OTHER THINGS TO SAY. [audience laughter]
  • SO ANYWAY, THERE'S A DOCTOR NOW THAT'S--I GUESS THIS IS
  • CATCHING ON--THERE'S A DOCTOR WORKING ON SOMETHING CALLED
  • "VACATION BREASTS," AND THEY'RE--THEY'RE BREAST
  • ENLARGEMENTS AND THEY LAST A COUPLE OF WEEKS,
  • SO YOU CAN HAVE BIGGER BREASTS WHEN YOU GO AWAY ON VACATION.
  • [cheers and applause]
  • AND IN CASE OF A WATER LANDING
  • THEY CAN BE USED AS FLOTATION DEVICES.
  • [cheers and applause]
  • THAT'S FALSE ADVERTISING, TO BE OUT ON VACATION, MEET SOMEBODY
  • WITH--YOU KNOW, AND THEN THEY GO MEET YOU SOMEPLACE ELSE--
  • "HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE--" [audience laughter]
  • BUT ANYWAY, IT ONLY LASTS A FEW WEEKS.
  • I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING A WHOLE LOT BETTER.
  • IT'S A PRODUCT THAT LETS YOU HAVE BIGGER BREASTS
  • WHENEVER YOU WANT.
  • I'M CALLING IT "ELLEN'S ADJUST-A-BREAST."
  • "-BUST," AND UM-- [audience laughter]
  • IT'S MY OTHER TITLE. EL--UH, LAUREN?
  • HEY, WHERE ARE YOU? COME ON OUT HERE,
  • I WANT TO SHOW YOU ALL HOW IT WORKS.
  • OKAY.
  • LAUREN--
  • LAUREN IS WEARING-- [applause]
  • LAUREN IS WEARING THE ADJUST-A-BUST UNDER HER SWEATER.
  • YOU CAN'T TELL, BUT-- [audience laughter]
  • HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.
  • LET'S SAY LAUREN IS SPEEDING, AND THEN AN OFFICER IS--
  • SHE GETS PULLED OVER,
  • AND THE OFFICER IS WALKING UP TO THE CAR.
  • YOU JUST PUMP IT UP, OKAY? ALL RIGHT, SO THAT...
  • WHEN THE OFFICER... [audience screams in reaction]
  • [cheers and applause] COMES OVER...
  • NO...
  • NO SPEEDING TICKET!
  • "OFFICER, MY EYES ARE UP HERE."
  • AND THEN, LATER IN THE DAY, LAUREN'S GOING HOME,
  • AND SHE'S GARDENING, BUT THEN SHE GETS LOCKED OUT
  • OF HER HOUSE, SO SHE HAS TO SHIMMY THROUGH HER WINDOW.
  • SO THEN SHE JUST DOES THAT.
  • OKAY. SHE JUST DOES THAT.
  • OKAY. DOES THAT.
  • [audience laughter]
  • [audience laughter]
  • [applause]
  • SHE GETS INTO HER HOUSE, AND EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
  • BUT THEN LATER THAT NIGHT SHE WANTS TO GO TO A BAR,
  • AND SHE WANTS FREE DRINKS, SO--
  • [audience laughter and applause]
  • THERE YOU--FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT LONG, WITH THAT...
  • [audience laughter] RIGHT?
  • SO REAL-LOOKING. ALSO, THESE--
  • [audience laughter] THESE WILL BE SOLD IN
  • THE ELLEN SHOP FOR $2,501. [audience laughter]
  • THIS IS ALL CRAZY.
  • IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF YOUR BREASTS THAT MATTERS.
  • IT'S THAT YOU'RE SMART, AND YOU'RE KIND,
  • AND YOU HAVE A GREAT BUTT. THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
  • [audience laughter]
  • YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE FULLY PUMPED RIGHT NOW,
  • BECAUSE IT IS TIME TO DANCE.

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Description

Ellen heard about an unusual new treatment for women. Not to be outdone, she invented something even better.

Keywords

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