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Video The Oscars Jokes Kevin Hart Would Have Told

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08:00   |   Jan 10, 2019

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The Oscars Jokes Kevin Hart Would Have Told
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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
  • HEY, EVERYBODY.
  • MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDIAN AND MOVIE STAR YOU KNOW
  • FROM RIDE ALONG, CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AND NIGHT SCHOOL.
  • HIS NEW FILM IS THE UPSIDE.
  • PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, KEVIN HART.
  • (APPLAUSE) >> HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
  • (APPLAUSE) >> HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
  • THANK YOU.
  • >> Stephen: I LIKE A GUEST WHO TAKES THEIR TIME GET TOGETHER
  • CHAIR.
  • >> YOU LIKE IT.
  • >> Stephen: THAT SAY MOVIE STAR.
  • >> I GOT TO TAKE A SECOND, LET THE ROOM, MAKE SURE I TAKE THE
  • ROOM IN, LOOK EVERYBODY IN THE EYE.
  • >> Stephen: SURE.
  • >> LITERALLY, EACH INDIVIDUAL PERSON I LOOK IN THE EYE AND
  • THEN I SIT DOWN.
  • >> Stephen: YOU ARE BEING GENEROUS WITH THEMSELVE FOR
  • THEM.
  • >> NO FAIR IF I JUST COME IN AND SIT DOWN.
  • I GOT TO MAKE A MOMENT OF IT I DON'T KNOW IF I-- LET ME DO IT
  • AGAIN.
  • (APPLAUSE).
  • >> Stephen: WELL, IT IS NICE TO YOU HAVE BACK.
  • >> THANK YOU.
  • >> Stephen: ALWAYS FUN TO HAVE YOU HERE.
  • >> GOOD TO BE BACK.
  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE NEWS LATELY.
  • >> WHAT, WHAT?
  • HAVE I.
  • >> Stephen: YOU SOO BEEN IN THE NEWS, YOU WERE ON A NEWS
  • SHOW THIS MORNING, ON GMA, A LOT LATELY BHU YOU ACTUALLY APPEARED
  • ON THIS ONE.
  • AND I WILL LET GET TO THE HEAT OF THE MEAT RIGHT HERE.
  • YOU SAID ON GMA THIS MORNING I'M DONE WITH IT, IT GETS NO MORE
  • ENERGY FOR ME, THAT IS WHY I SAID FOR THE LAST TIME I'M
  • ADDRESSING IT, THERE IS NO MORE KRVETION FOR T I AM OVER IT, I'M
  • OVER THE MOMENT, I SAID EVERYTHING I CAN POSSIBLY SAY,
  • I'M OVER IT.
  • YOU WILL NOT HEAR ME SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT.
  • >> YEAH, THERE YOU GO, THAT WAS ME, I SAID THAT I SAID THAT.
  • AND ARE YOU GOING TO ASK SOMETHING.
  • >> Stephen: ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SAY ABOUT IT?
  • >> I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE LEFT TO SAY.
  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU, YOU HAVE TALKED TO PEOPLE,
  • BASICALLY YOU'VE DONE INTERVIEWS ALL DAY.
  • >> ALL DAY.
  • >> Stephen: AND YOU GAVE POLITE VARIATIONS OF THIS
  • ANSWER.
  • >> I SAID THE SAME THING TO EVERYBODY.
  • >> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO DOWN THAT.
  • >> YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT, CAN GO [BLEEP] YOU WHAT WANT.
  • >> Stephen: I'M IF THE GOING TO READ THIS, I WILL YOU IS
  • THERE ANYWAY YOU WOULD HANDLED THIS YOU WOULD GO BACK AND
  • CHANGE IF YOU HAD A TIME MACHINE.
  • >> NO, I WOULDN'T.
  • >> Stephen: REALLY?
  • >> NO.
  • >> Stephen: CUZ YOU DIDN'T A APPROXIMATELY GIEZ AT FIRST AND
  • THEN YOU LATER APOLOGIZED.
  • >> I, RIGHT NOW, THIS IS ME, I'M OVER IT I'M JUST OVER IT.
  • IT IS AN ONION IT IS AN ONION, SO NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU
  • KEEP PEELING IT, IT IS JUST ENDLESS.
  • IF YOU KEEP PEELING IT, IT JUST DOESN'T STOP.
  • THERE IS NO END TO IT. LIKE I APOLOGIZED.
  • APOLOGIZED AGAIN.
  • I SAID I APOLOGIZED BEFORE.
  • I APOLOGIZED AFTER THAT APOLOGY.
  • IT KEEPS GOING AND EVERY HEADLINE IS YOU APOLOGIZED.
  • HE APOLOGIZED GENL, HE JUST A POLL GOOZ-- APOLOGIZED.
  • I'M DONE, I DID IT I AM I'M OVER IT.
  • THERE IS NO MORE I CAN DO I'VE DONE IT.
  • >> Stephen: WELL THARK REACTION TO THE AUDIENCE WAS
  • INTERESTING BECAUSE I HAVE DONE THIS KIND OF A JOB FOR ABOUT 14
  • YEARS.
  • HAVE I SAID A LOT OF THINGS OVER THE YEAR, THAT UPSET VARIOUS
  • PEOPLE.
  • >> YOU ARE HUMAN.
  • >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH AND PROBABLY NOT A REALLY NICE ONE.
  • BUT AND I FOUND THAT IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL THE AUDIENCE IS OVER
  • T NOT WHEN I AM OVER IT.
  • SO YOU DO YOU HAVE A SENSE THE AUDIENCE IS OVER IT.
  • >> HERE IS THE DIFFERENCE.
  • YOU CAN CONTINUE TO LIVE TO PLEASE OTHERS OR YOU CAN HAVE A
  • POSITION WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU LITTLE RALLY HAVE DONE WHAT YOU
  • CAN TO TRY TO PLEASE.
  • AT THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR ALL TO
  • TRY TO PLEASE AND IT'S STILL NOT RECEIVED, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A
  • DECISION TO GO I'M DONE TRYING TO PLEASE.
  • THAT'S WHERE I AM AT.
  • >> THAT IS DIFFICULT FOR AN ENTERTAINER BECAUSE PART OF THE
  • JOB IS TO PLEASE.
  • >> NOT REALLY.
  • >> REALLY?
  • >> DEPENDS UPON THE LEVEL OF ENTERTAINER YOU ARE.
  • MY JOB IS ME PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE 24/7, I AM REAL ESTATE
  • AUTHENTIC, I'M HONEST.
  • I GIVE YOU ALL OF ME THERE IS NO VERSION OF ME THAT IS FAKE.
  • THE BONUS OF DOING THAT IS THAT WHEN THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPEN,
  • YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND AND KNOW THAT I'M SO TRUE TO ME
  • THAT THERE IS NO BS, SO WHEN I GO ALL RIGHT,IO, I REMEMBER
  • THIS, I SAID SORRY FOR THAT BACK THEN BUT GUESS WHAT, I WILL DO
  • IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT, I GET IT T HERE IS ANOTHER ONE, OKAY, ALL
  • RIGHT, OKAY.
  • Y'ALL WANT ANOTHER ONE, HERE GOES ANOTHER ONE, TAND IS STILL
  • NOT, I'M GOING WELL THAT'S NOT, I'M NOW K3R50EU78S COMPROMISING
  • MYSELF.
  • AT SOME POINT YOU JUST HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH YOU.
  • I'M OKAY WITH ME IN ALL DECISIONS THAT I MADE IN MY
  • LIFE.
  • THIS IS THE DECISION I MADE TODAY, I'M OVER IT I'M DONE.
  • THAT'S IT.
  • >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
  • >> THAT'S IT.
  • >> Stephen: THEY UNDERSTAND.
  • THEY SEEM TO GET IT.
  • >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I WAS CURIOUS WHAT YOU WOULD BE LIKE
  • AS AN OSCAR HOST THOUGH.
  • >> I WAS GOING TO BE GOOD.
  • HI SOME STUFF, HI SOME HEAT.
  • >> Stephen: YOU ALWAYS HAVE HEATNESS NO, I HAD SOME HEAT,
  • REAL GOOD JOKES.
  • >> Stephen: OKAY.
  • >> I WILL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF THEM, I WAS GOING TO START IT
  • OFF T GOES HAND-IN-HAND WITH WHAT IS GOING ON NOW, WE ARE SO
  • SENSITIVE AND THE WHOLE REASON I WAS GOING HOST THE OSCARS WAS TO
  • TAKE THE TENSION OUT OF THE ROOM.
  • PEOPLE GO TO THE OSCARS BUT THEY'RE NOT THERE TO LAUGH
  • BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS WAITING FOR THEIR MOMENT.
  • >> Stephen: TERRIBLE AUDIENCE.
  • >> EVERYBODY IS UPTIGHT.
  • >> Stephen: THANKLESS JOB.
  • >> NOBODY CAN BREATHE OR MOVE, THE CLOTHES ARE FITTED TO
  • PERFECTION, EVERYBODY AS NECK IS AS STRAIGHT A AS THEY CAN BE AND
  • THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW TO DO IS THIS WHEN THE CAMERA COMES.
  • SO I WAS GOING TO SAY RELAX, RELAX, ONE THING YOU DON'T WANT
  • TO BECOME IS A MEME.
  • YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A MEMEZ IS THAT WHAT THESE ARE.
  • >> A MEM LeEND YOUR CAREER.
  • I WAS GOING SHOW PREVIOUS MEMES SO DO YOU HAVE THEM?
  • >> Stephen: WHAT ORDER DO THEY GO IN.
  • >> SHOW THAT ONE FIRST, DOESN'T MATTER, THIS IS MY GOOD FRIEND
  • NICOLE KIDMAN, THIS ALMOST ENDED NICOLE, SEE THIS RIGHT HERE
  • WELL, THEY IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE CLAP AND THEY THOUGHT SHE
  • HAD BOOM A RANG FOR HANDS RIGHT THERE, YOU HAVE TO RELAX, IT
  • WOULDN'T HAPPEN IF IT WAS A RELAXED MOMENT.
  • I WILL SHOI ANOTHER ONE, LOOK AT THIS ONE HERE, YEP, THEY GOT
  • MERL GOOD.
  • LOOK AT THIS RIGHT HERE.
  • I THINK MERYL BOOED SOMEBODY, SHE BOO'D SOMEBODY AT THE OSCARS
  • AND IT BECAME A MEME.
  • THIS WAS MY FAVORITE, DENZEL ON A BAD DAY.
  • THIS IS MY FAVORITE PICTURE, HE DID.
  • >> Stephen: IS HE DID NOT WEAR THAT TO THE OSCARS.
  • >> THAT IS THE OSCARS, YEAH, IT WAS.
  • >> Stephen: THAT IS NOT EVEN DENZEL WASHINGTON, THAT WAS SOME
  • GUY ASKING FOR CHANGE BEHIND A WIN DIXIE THAT IS NOT DENZEL
  • WASHINGTON.
  • >> BUT THE WHOLE ININTENT BEHIND THEM SU DON'T WANT TO BE THAT,
  • SO RELAX, LOOSEN UP, VEY GOOD TIME.
  • I WAS GOING TO GO INTO A BUNCH OF CRAZY BITS.
  • HI SO MUCH STUFF, THE WORD IS IT ST GOING TO IT BE FIRE.
  • >> THE WRD IS THERE IS NO OSCAR, OBVIOUSLY ARE YOU NOOLT ON THE
  • COMMUNICATION CHAIN.
  • YOU HAVE BEEN CUT.
  • >> DO YOU HAVE, WITHOUT DO YOU THINK SHOULD HOST.
  • >> WHOEVER IS WANTING AND WILLING OF THE JOB, YOU KNOW.
  • >> Stephen: SHOULD I HOST?
  • >> YOU WOULD BE A GREAT HOST.
  • >> Stephen: NOPE.
  • >> YOU WOULD BE A GREAT HOST.
  • >> Stephen: I WOULDN'T.
  • I GOT TOO MUCH TO APOLOGIZE FOR, YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME.
  • OKAY.
  • WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE A BREAK, PLEASE DON'T G YOU DON'T GO,
  • RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KEVIN HART, EVERYBODY.
  • STICK AROUND.

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Description

'The Upside' star Kevin Hart tries out the material he was preparing for the Oscars ceremony.

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