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Video Meet the Parents Cold Open - SNL

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06:55   |   5M+ views   |   today at 09:37

Transcription

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> I DON'T KNOW.
  • I DON'T KNOW, MR. VICE PRESIDENT.
  • I FEEL LIKE I SAY THIS EVERY WEEK, ABOUT THUT WEEK WAS BAD.
  • I'M BEGINNING TO REGRET MY WISH TO BECOME A REAL BOY.
  • I TOSSED AND TURNED IN MY SHOEBOX ALL NIGHT WONDERING
  • WHAT'S THE FBI GOING TO DO NEXT? >> I KNOW, I KNOW, WE'RE IN A
  • REAL PICKLE HERE, JEFF. AND YOU KNOW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I
  • AM AROUND PICKLES. >> YES.
  • I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY RAIDED MICHAEL COHEN'S OFFICE.
  • WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, MIKE? >> THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO
  • STAY CALM. IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS THE
  • PRESIDENT WILL BE BACK NO TO NORMAL.
  • >> HOW'S THAT? >> BECAUSE IT WILL BE ME.
  • >> OH! THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
  • >> EXCUSE ME, MR. SESSIONS? >> OH, NO, THEY HERE FOR US?
  • I WILL GO PEACEFULLY. >> NO, IT'S NOT THE POLICE.
  • THE PRESIDENT'S COWIN, IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
  • >> OH, FINALLY. BY ALL MEANS, SEND HIM IN.
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY.
  • HOW YOU DOING? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S MICHAEL
  • COHEN, ATTORNEY AT LAW. AND ALSO SOMETIMES NOT AT LAW.
  • >> MR. COHEN, THIS SITUATION IS OUT OF HAND.
  • >> I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY'RE
  • DOING TO POOR MR. TRUMP? IT'S A DISGRACE!
  • THIS WHOLE RAID WAS A COMPLETE VIOLATION OF ATTORNEY/CRIMINAL
  • PRIVILEGE. >> WELL, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
  • HIDE, THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
  • >> IS THAT A JOKE? WE GOT A REAL PROBLEM HERE,
  • JEFF. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EVIDENCE I
  • HAVE IN MY OFFICE? I'M DONALD TRUMP'S LAWYER!
  • I GOT A WHOLE HARD DRIVE THAT'S JUST LABELED "YIKES."
  • >> I MUST SAY, SOME OF THESE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST YOU ARE
  • QUITE DISTURBING, MR. COHEN. HOW I DO PAID $1.6 MILLION FOR A
  • TOP REPUBLICAN'S MISTRESS TO HAVE AN ABORTION?
  • >> YEAH, $1.6 MILLION FOR AN ABORTLE, THANK YOU OBAMACARE.
  • THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, JEFF. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RECUSED
  • YOURSELF, YOU SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED MR. TRUMP.
  • HE'S A FRAGILE FLOWER. AND HE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE
  • SMARTEST, KINDEST, SEXIEST, LEAST-COLLUDING MAN ON THIS
  • PLANET WHICH I CALL EARTH. >> OKAY, SO HE'S JUST A FULL
  • DUMB-DUMB THEN. MICHAEL, THE REASON WE BROUGHT
  • YOU HERE TODAY THAT IS THERE'S SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK
  • WITH YOU. >> OH, GREAT.
  • WHO? >> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, HE'S
  • DOWN THE HALL WAITING FOR YOU. >> REMEMBER, WHATEVER HAPPENS,
  • YOU HAVE OUR FULL SUPPORT. OKAY?
  • RIGHT THIS WAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
  • THANK YOU FOR COMING IN. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THAT LITTLE
  • DUMMY BIRD. OH!
  • >> WHAT IS THIS PLACE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> LOOKING FOR SOMETHING, MR.
  • COHEN? >> ROBERT MUELLER?
  • >> WHY DON'TCHA HAVE A SEAT, MR. COHEN.
  • HERE. PUT THESE ON.
  • HAVE YOU EVER USED A LIE DETECTOR BEFORE?
  • >> I FEEL LIKE I HAVE. >> GREAT.
  • LOOK, I WANT YOU DO KNOW I WILL GLADLY GO TO JAIL TO PROTECT MR.
  • PRESIDENT TRUMP. >> JUST RELAX, MR. COHEN.
  • IF YOU'RE INNOCENT, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
  • I'LL START WITH SOME EASY ONES. HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT PEE-PEE
  • TAPE? >> WHAT?
  • >> I'M KIDDING, RELAX. WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.
  • IS YOUR NAME MICHAEL COHEN? >> YES.
  • >> AND YOU'RE A LAWYER? >> ISH.
  • >> DID YOU HAVE -- DID YOU MAKE A PAYMENT OF $130,000 TO STORMY
  • DANIELS? >> YES.
  • >> AND DID PRESIDENT TRUMP KNOW ABOUT IT?
  • >> NO. >> I THINK YOU'RE LYING.
  • >> YEAH, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO AN SURPRISE FOR STORMY, LIKE A
  • GIFT. >> A GIFT?
  • >> YEAH, A GIFT. LIKE A ROCK THROUGH THE WINDOW
  • WITH A NOTE TIED TO IT THAT SAYS "STOP TALKING."
  • >> SO YOU'VE THREATENED PEOPLE? >> DIRECTLY, NO.
  • BUT LET'S JUST SAY I'VE CUT A LOT OF LETTERS OUT OF A LOT OF
  • MAGAZINES. JUST TRYING TO MILLING SOME
  • INFORMATION OUT OF PEOPLE, SO WHAT?
  • >> DID YOU SAY MILK? >> YEAH.
  • LIKE -- WITH A COW OR A GOAT OR A -- CAT.
  • [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, YOU CAN MILK ANYTHING
  • WITH NIPPLES. [ LAUGHTER ]
  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> REALLY?
  • I HAVE NIPPLES. CAN YOU MILK ME, MR. COHEN?
  • >> LOOK, MR. MUELLER THIS ENTIRE RUSSIA VEST SAYING IS A WITCH
  • HUNT AND YOUR WHOLE TEAM IS PREJUDICED AGAINST THE
  • PRESIDENT. >> NOT TRUE.
  • WE USE CODE NAMES SO PERSONAL FEELINGS NEVER COME INTO IT.
  • >> WHAT'S PRESIDENT TRUMP'S CODE NAME?
  • >> WELL, IT USED TO BE "PUTIN'S LITTLE BITCH."
  • NOW IT'S "STORMY'S LITTLE BITCH."
  • >> WHAT ABOUT IVANKA'S CODE NAME?
  • >> "GIRLFRIEND." >> JARED KUSHNER?
  • >> "OTHER GIRLFRIEND." >> DON JR. AND ERIC?
  • >> "TWO FREDOS." >> AND WHAT ABOUT MY CODE NAME?
  • >> "DEAD MAN WALKING." >> LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE
  • THIS FROM YOU, I HAVE RIGHTS. >> NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU
  • LITTLE WEASEL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT RIGHTS YOU
  • THINK YOU HAVE. YOU BROKE THE LAW.
  • AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO CATCH ALL OF YOU LITTLE FOCKERS, YOU GOT
  • THAT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
  • OKAY, BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS -- LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
  • SATURDAY NIGHT!

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Description

President Donald Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen (Ben Stiller), is questioned by Robert Mueller (Robert De Niro).

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Keywords

SNL Saturday Night Live SNL Season 43 SNL Episode 1743 John Mulaney Kate McKinnon Jeff Sessions Mike Pence Beck Bennett Heidi Gardner Ben Stiller Michael Cohen Robert Mueller Robert De Niro Meet the Parents s43 s43e18 episode 18 live new york comedy sketch funny hilarious late night host music guest laugh impersonation actor improv musician comedian stand up stand up comedian netflix KID GORGEOUS

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