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Video Meanwhile... Look Up At The Super Blood Wolf Moon

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06:00   |   Jan 12, 2019

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Meanwhile... Look Up At The Super Blood Wolf Moon
Meanwhile... Look Up At The Super Blood Wolf Moon thumb Meanwhile... Look Up At The Super Blood Wolf Moon thumb Meanwhile... Look Up At The Super Blood Wolf Moon thumb

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  • NOW THAT WE'VE HAD A CHANCE TO CATCH UP ON THE BIG STORIES FROM
  • OVER THE HOLIDAYS, IT'S TIME TO SWEEP UP THE LITTLE PINE NEEDLES
  • THAT DROPPED OFF THE NEWS TREE, AND BRING THEM TO YOU IN OUR
  • ROUNDUP OF HIGHLY FLAMMABLE DEBRIS THAT I CALL, "MEANWHILE."
  • ♪ ♪
  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PEOPLE LOVE "MEANWHILE."
  • MEANWHILE, AFTER A LOT OF CONTROVERSY AND
  • BACK-AND-FORTH WITH KEVIN HART, NO ONE WILL HOST THE OSCARS.
  • INSTEAD, OSCAR PRODUCERS ARE PLANNING TO LEAVE THE SPOT EMPTY
  • AND, INSTEAD, FOCUS ON CLUSTERS OF TOP-TIER TALENT TO INTRODUCE
  • DIFFERENT SEGMENTS.
  • WHICH EXPLAINS THE NEW REALITY SHOW, "AMERICA'S GOT CLUSTERS OF
  • TOP-TIER TALENT."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, GREAT NEWS FOR FANS
  • OF THE SKY BECAUSE, THIS MONTH, WE WILL WITNESS A SUPER BLOOD
  • WOLF MOON!
  • NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH MY GOTH DAD BAND OF THE SAME NAME.
  • WE PLAY SATURDAY AFTERNOONS AT THE MILFORD COMMUNITY CENTER, IF
  • ALAN'S WIFE DOESN'T NEED THE MINIVAN.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: COME ON, ALAN!
  • >> Stephen: AND WHY IS THIS CALLED THE "SUPER BLOOD WOLF
  • MOON"?
  • IT'S "SUPER" BECAUSE IT'S AT ITS CLOSEST POINT IN ORBIT, WHICH
  • MAKES IT LOOK BIGGER.
  • IT'S A "BLOOD MOON" BECAUSE DIFFRACTING LIGHT TURNS IT RED.
  • AND NATIVE AMERICANS NAMED JANUARY'S MOON THE "WOLF MOON"
  • BECAUSE IN WINTER IT WOULD MAKE WOLVES HOWL.
  • AND NOT, AS I THOUGHT, BECAUSE IT IS WHEN WOLF BLITZER MUST
  • SLAKE HIS THIRST FOR THE BLOOD OF INNOCENTS.
  • THAT'S IN MARCH.
  • JAKE TAPPER, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
  • MEANWHILE, GREAT NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE PROGRESS BECAUSE A NEW
  • SAUDI ARABIA LAW REQUIRES WOMEN TO BE NOTIFIED IF THEIR HUSBANDS
  • DIVORCE THEM TO END SECRET DIVORCES, WHERE SAUDI MEN END A
  • MARRIAGE WITHOUT TELLING THEIR WIVES.
  • A CUSTOM KNOWN TRADITIONALLY AS "GOING OUT FOR CIGARETTES."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE NEW LAW REQUIRES WOMEN TO BE
  • INFORMED OF THEIR DIVORCE BY TEXT MESSAGE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) HOPEFULLY, A FULL SENTENCE, AND
  • NOT JUST ENGAGEMENT RING, POOP EMOJI.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN FINE ART AND CAT
  • NEWS, A B.B.C. ART EXPERT REVEALED THAT A RARE PAINTING
  • WAS DESTROYED BY HIS CAT.
  • YOU KNOW YOUR PAINTING'S BAD WHEN SOMEONE WHO LICKS THEIR OWN
  • ANUS FOR THREE HOURS A DAY DOESN'T LIKE IT.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, THE CAT, NOT THE
  • HISTORIAN.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE WORK IN QUESTION WAS A
  • PAINTING BY 17TH CENTURY PORTRAIT ARTIST JOHN MICHAEL
  • WRIGHT.
  • I ASSUME THE PORTRAIT THE CAT WENT AFTER WAS HIS DUCHESS OF
  • HAMPSTEAD WITH LASER POINTER.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO THE ART EXPERT, HE
  • WAS ACTUALLY WORKING ON RESTORING THE WORK OF ART WHEN
  • THE CAT LAUNCHED ITSELF AT THE PAINTING BEFORE RAKING ITS CLAWS
  • DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE PORTRAIT TO LEAVE A LARGE GAPING HOLE.
  • THE CAT IS REPORTEDLY EXPRESSING ITS REMORSE BY DOING WHATEVER IT
  • WANTS, WHENEVER IT WANTS, AND SOMEHOW DEMANDING CUDDLES WHILE
  • ALSO NOT ALLOWING YOU TO TOUCH IT.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN PROPHYLACTIC NEWS,
  • DUREX IS RECALLING BATCHES OF ITS "REAL FEEL" CONDOMS.
  • DUREX ISSUED THE RECALL IN A STATEMENT, SAYING, "WE
  • APOLOGIZE.
  • EVERYONE KNOWS THAT CONDOMS CAN NEVER FEEL REAL.
  • NOTHIN' BEATS RAWDOGGIN'."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) MIGHT HAVE MADE THAT UP.
  • >> Jon: WOW.
  • >> Stephen: WE MIGHT HAVE MADE THAT UP, GENTLEMEN.
  • >> Jon: YEAH, I GUESS.
  • >> Stephen: TRUE OR NOT, WE MIGHT HAVE MADE IT UP.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) DUREX ASSURED CUSTOMERS THAT
  • ANYONE WHO BOUGHT THE RECALLED CONDOMS CAN "RETURN THEM TO THE
  • PLACE OF PURCHASE."
  • TO WHICH THE PLACE OF PURCHASE RESPONDED: "PLEASE DON'T."
  • ( LAUGHTER ) YEAH, I'M DONE WITH THESE.
  • YEAH, THESE DIDN'T WORK.
  • WILL YOU TAKE THIS ONE, TOO?
  • >> Jon: HE DON'T WANT 'EM!
  • HE DON'T WANT 'EM!
  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
  • SOMETIMES I GET SO FOCUSED ON THE SMALLER STORIES
  • IN "MEANWHILE," I LOSE SIGHT OF THE REALLY SMALL AND
  • AIRLINE-SPECIFIC NEWS STORIES, WHICH I LIKE TO COVER IN MY
  • REGULAR "MEANWHILE" SEGMENT-SEGMENT, "FLIGHT
  • ATTENTION."
  • ( BELL DING ) GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHOSE
  • FAVORITE RESTAURANT IS A FLIGHT CIRCLING OVER LAGUARDIA, UNITED
  • AIRLINES HAS RELEASED A COOKBOOK SO YOU CAN MAKE AIRLINE FOOD AT
  • HOME.
  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE
  • PERSON WHO HAS EVERYTHING AND IS ALSO SOMEONE YOU HATE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE BOOK CONTAINS 40 RECIPES
  • THAT ARE SERVED IN UNITED'S BUSINESS CLASS.
  • FOR THE ECONOMY CLASS RECIPES, YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY THEIR OTHER
  • COOKBOOK, "PRETZELS OR COOKIES.
  • YOU GET ONE!" ( LAUGHTER )
  • NEXT ON "FLIGHT ATTENTION," AS OF JANUARY 1ST, ON FRONTIER
  • AIRLINES, YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT IS NOW ACCEPTING TIPS.
  • FINALLY, A SOLUTION FOR THE PROBLEM OF FLYING FRONTIER
  • AIRLINES AND HAVING NO WAY TO THANK THEM FOR THE AMAZING
  • SERVICE.
  • ( LAUGHTER ) AS PART OF THEIR NEW POLICY,
  • FRONTIER'S FLIGHT ATTENDANTS WON'T POOL THEIR GRATUITIES.
  • NOW IT'S EVERY MAN AND WOMAN FOR THEMSELVES.
  • WHICH IS ALSO WHAT IT SAYS IN THE FRONTIER SAFETY PAMPHLET.

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Description

Sometimes it's nice to check in on the news stories that won't make it into Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start the Fire: 2010s Edition.'

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