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Video 10 FUNNIEST Stand-Up jokes of All Time

TheTV.info
38:30   |   2M+ views   |   today at 04:46

Transcription

  • so you're quite the aficionado here what
  • can people do to spice up their life
  • toys hey come on you can only go so far
  • with what you got
  • hey yogi wanted yogi but he says toys he
  • doesn't me like transformers he means
  • like it means like bringing stuff to the
  • room your relationship looks fairly
  • fresh it looks like you guys just got
  • together you're still touching each
  • other which is really cool but not
  • everybody's night and not everybody can
  • handle toys no no not everybody
  • everybody not everybody is ready for
  • toys oh oh no no no but if you are you
  • know it doesn't hurt to go to the shop
  • like you took me to the sex shop the
  • other day no no
  • like dirty like him let me tell you guys
  • what happened okay I did not take him to
  • a sex shop okay the sex shop just
  • happened to be in the same parking lot
  • as his restaurant we went to go eat it
  • okay here's what happened we went to go
  • eat at this place it was amazing we walk
  • outside and I'm starved Martine stuff
  • and he goes a look what's next door oh
  • yeah big deal dude you know it's this
  • place in Dallas Texas called condom
  • cents which is an amazing catchy name
  • for a you know a place like that here I
  • mean and I goes let's go check it out I
  • go dude I'm good bro and he goes man
  • it's freaking hot and I go oh let's get
  • in the car in the car wouldn't start and
  • we're freaking burning up so I'm like I
  • bet you anything there's good a/c in
  • that you know in that shop let's go over
  • there and I get closer and I start
  • getting recognized in the wind I'm like
  • I'm not going in there my pickles come
  • on quit being like on great so we walk
  • inside and as soon as we walk into this
  • shop that freakin little sensor at the
  • door you know in my head I hear
  • yoky I wasn't feeling it I was like ah
  • you know why I don't meet anybody taking
  • pictures of me and this type of place so
  • I tell my female bro I'm out I'll be
  • outside and he goes come on broke up
  • with me I said dude man this is not cool
  • then this guy leans over the counter and
  • he sees Martina and I stand in there and
  • it goes get in here you're chill get any
  • air it's a party couples only I'm like
  • oh my God my thing he thinks were gay
  • I said I'm going outside and then might
  • have been yells at me go with me and I'm
  • like great he's yelling at me that makes
  • me the bitch
  • now I'm stuck now I'm stuck with his
  • smoke we walk into this shop and I'm not
  • about to start walking up to the you
  • know the stuff that's in there next to
  • him so that he can look at it and have
  • the guy think oh that's what he's gonna
  • use on the big guy I don't know so I'm
  • like my thing go do your thing and I
  • just went to go find some neutral corner
  • to just hang out in and it might be
  • funny by the way bro when you're looking
  • at toys he kills me he doesn't just look
  • at it and go yeah I want that he
  • actually takes the time to grab
  • something turn it around take off his
  • glasses and read what it does like
  • medication over for he reads it now this
  • one only takes two batteries right
  • meanwhile I'm in this other part of the
  • store where they sell these uh I don't
  • even want to call them toys they're more
  • like tools yogi like straight up like
  • devices you know I saw some stuff in
  • this store you guys that I'm like why
  • would anyone physically try to do that
  • to themselves you know like one thing I
  • saw was from the floor about this high
  • and I'm like why who could handle
  • something like that it didn't even have
  • batteries it didn't have a cord for the
  • wall this sucker had a string on the
  • side
  • ladies we don't have that we don't have
  • that we can't go to the house tonight
  • babe you ready you ready hold on here we
  • go
  • hold on you can't get it started you
  • gotta call a friend to come jump you
  • there are basics that you have to do
  • every single day when raising children
  • and these are feeding them you have to
  • feed them this is you have to wash them
  • and you have to put them to bed you have
  • to do these four things every single day
  • every single day each one of these
  • things is a battle octant to do these
  • things and you are forced every day to
  • compromise on each of them I don't know
  • why they resist these basic things every
  • day is a battle just getting dressed
  • they will not get dressed
  • put your clothes on put your pets at
  • they refuse to wear pens I don't like
  • pen boiling because I've heated the
  • inside of the house done is heated the
  • rest of the world
  • so you will need it when you get outside
  • can I just take it so just compromise
  • all right pardon just take it
  • do your laces not to hit in the car fine
  • where's your bag where's your other shoe
  • and they spring things when you're at
  • the last minute don't day we going to
  • school but nearly hunt the door my son
  • quite well actually he's got his he's
  • got Spence on he's even got his jumper
  • on he's holding his coat he's got his
  • bag we're nearly out the door
  • it just looks mingos dad it's Roman day
  • what's Roman day everybody has to go to
  • school today dressed as something from
  • the Roman Empire
  • it's all in six minutes what exactly did
  • you expect me to do at this point
  • oh yes when I was nine I was a Centurion
  • I think I still have my armor here in
  • the cupboard let's not drive this
  • morning I've been hiding a horse and
  • chariot in the garage
  • feeding they will eat children will eat
  • they will eat rubbish they'll eat
  • garbage okay there are the chocolate and
  • sweets and ice cream till they're sick
  • what they won't eat these things that
  • are good for them every day we tried to
  • get in to eat vegetables fruit things
  • the good room we aim very high my wife
  • and I every single milta alright tonight
  • there were no ice cream children unless
  • you have all your piece o Rockley
  • carrots but dad please disgusting I just
  • won't need to eat one carrot peas just
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • stick out your tongue and let me wipe
  • the broccoli washing every day run the
  • bath get in the bath have you washed
  • have you brushed your teeth they lie to
  • you they lie to my face every single day
  • have you brushed your teeth yes
  • okay then breathe on me I have to get
  • this jet of disgusting
  • you haven't brushed your teeth have you
  • know I haven't daddy before the laziness
  • unflushed you know before I had children
  • I used to dream about or it looks like
  • my wife never discussed it I can't wait
  • to have children and it's gonna be
  • amazing it was such an amazing mom it's
  • a dream of idyllic rosy-cheeked
  • beautiful children in dungarees running
  • in fields flowers can we have our picnic
  • now how did that fantasy become me
  • almost on a nightly basis standing over
  • the toilet
  • is that your boo he puts on this whole
  • force ah here she comes over and looks
  • no that's not my poo
  • so Ozzy it's your poo that is definitely
  • not my poo
  • darling don't you even but in 1991 after
  • we bankrupted the Soviet Union and and
  • you know it broke up basically we
  • experienced the greatest amount of
  • growth any nations ever experienced in
  • the history of the world
  • why because white black and brown we're
  • finally working together okay and all
  • that changed on a Tuesday morning in
  • 2001 when Arabs flew airplanes into
  • buildings and boom we had a brand new
  • race war we had white black and brown
  • versus a new kind of brown okay and I
  • think that's where we're at now okay
  • the Muslim is going to get you the
  • Muslim is going on
  • get you tonight
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • that's the new boogeyman whatever you do
  • don't look at a mirror and say Muslim
  • three times one of them unibrow sons of
  • bitches a show up right behind you with
  • the big-ass turbine beard genie bottle
  • in one hand magic carpet in the other
  • dynamite belt last thing you'll smell is
  • couscous camel hump and diesel fuel boom
  • then he blows you up mm-hmm cuz the
  • Muslim is gonna get you some of them is
  • gonna get you a Muslim is gonna get you
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • I'm married 24 years old I wait some
  • women start liking me to get married
  • hey that's something all we do is argue
  • - that's is pissing me off
  • well the number fight you ever argued
  • with a woman and in the middle of the
  • argument you no longer feel safe you
  • don't something up because of her
  • actions like she might start pacing back
  • and forth real fans breathing out of
  • nose you don't my wife when she get mad
  • she start talking to the third person
  • next year is hell because that's her way
  • of telling me that from this point on
  • she's not responsible for nine elections
  • is like she forget that she drilled for
  • like five minutes just start yelling see
  • coming you know what your problem is you
  • don't think Tory crazy do you hey hey
  • baby I thought you was Tori oh wait a
  • minute now I got so scared I start
  • talking and don't okay
  • you don't think she playing he just
  • don't know where she had this docking
  • him yeah you don't like this game he
  • don't wanna play this no more she wasn't
  • a woman and she'd get mad she get evil
  • like somebody pressed the devil button
  • in her body you know she just snapped
  • and they got to the point where I
  • couldn't argue with her face to face I
  • had to be on the phone and I told her
  • one time mother
  • look I'm not coming home it's you on how
  • to talk to me like I'm a grown man
  • okay well you can do that then I'm
  • coming home tell him I'm just gonna keep
  • driving my car around the block it's
  • like you know what Kevin will drive your
  • car cause I can't stand your little
  • black behind matter fact I hope you get
  • in your car you start driving real fast
  • and your brakes go out and the cars
  • speed up and you hit a bump in a car
  • door funny opener you fall out hit your
  • hand on the curve in the back of your
  • brains pop out you be a big pool of
  • blood right there and a bunch of birds
  • come down it's not picking at the damn
  • blood just like that girl fans but your
  • eyes still be open so you can see what's
  • going on the hell do you say to that
  • third person what's already on the damn
  • phone
  • talk to you I wish we didn't fight so
  • much man Ivan what time we got into such
  • a bad arm you got some fist fight
  • ugh it's a fist fight with you woman
  • that's serious boy nothing to say no all
  • you want every man has got to the point
  • where he fought his woman it's just
  • different stages like you got the grams
  • before the fist
  • are you starting off my you got the
  • second angry stage like a Mercedes with
  • your chin don't move roll it up go man
  • shaken grab their neck there you go to
  • Rhodes never gonna punch somebody and
  • before you finish your punch they hit
  • you
  • [Applause]
  • I thought somebody else was in the room
  • yeah now jumping me okay well go jump me
  • all right because real bamboo you can't
  • do that good point tell you something as
  • soon as my eyes stop blinking
  • I swear I'm gonna show you something you
  • know how you know when you lost the
  • fight to your woman when the cops come
  • in your house and as you do you want to
  • press charges
  • that's how you know I didn't go like you
  • planned
  • you cuz the cop was so concerned when he
  • saw me there oh my god sorry okay do you
  • want to press charges
  • what you talking about you need to be
  • asking how low I go okay look at your
  • place the shoes in the background I can
  • Tory beat his ass didn't she she be
  • he's okay who the hell is Tori and how
  • many of them is it it's her sir she just
  • talked a third person from time to time
  • cuz I look let me explain something to
  • you okay you are a grown little man all
  • right
  • nobody should put their hands on you
  • like this my back and if you press
  • charges when I leave she will do the
  • same damn thing again that's a look at
  • your face and you got a place where you
  • can say tonight like it you know I guess
  • if I need to I can stay with Mama he's
  • like good you need to go pack a bag
  • matter of fact I'm gonna come with you
  • so she don't come attack you again cuz
  • we don't want this to happen again y'all
  • just lock me up you think you just like
  • Tori up why would you do that Kevin I
  • was like why why look at my face and
  • then officer Johnson hugged me and
  • that's what I needed at the time he
  • comforted me
  • we still talk get nice guy he raped me
  • just to check on them to see that my
  • relationship is going I would love to be
  • gay I'll tell you why because I'm a
  • man's man I like men men like me we like
  • each other I hate women women hate me
  • we hate each other the only reason I
  • couldn't be guy is cuz I could never
  • fuck a man cuz I could never fuck
  • something that I respect I'm becoming a
  • psycho I realized that about myself I am
  • i watch conspiracy theory and like slap
  • fights till like 2:00 in the morning on
  • YouTube you know and I start like peace
  • and shit together I'm becoming that guy
  • I'm like that guy you know what you sit
  • there you know he's sitting there
  • drinking in a bar and I'll you know some
  • guys cool you're talking about the game
  • then all of a sudden he's just like you
  • know there's no gold behind our currency
  • you realize that you like that's great
  • pick up your dick let's fucking walk
  • away no I'm becoming totally into
  • conspiracy that's why I think Barack
  • Obama is gonna win there the election I
  • think they're gonna let him win because
  • they're in the process yeah they're in
  • the process of bankrupting this country
  • and I think that they need a black guy
  • to blame it on dude it'll totally feed
  • into the rednecks they'll be like you
  • say you see what happened dude he's only
  • half black well that's I have to get it
  • that's what happened I bet the white
  • half was saying that's why you don't see
  • I'm just fucking losing people
  • I am I just look at TV and nothing makes
  • sense to me I'm sick of them telling me
  • shit is shocking that it's completely
  • obvious Crocodile Hunter dies who can
  • you fucking yes yes I can totally
  • believe it's why I watched the show I
  • watched it every week because I knew
  • eventually he was going to fucking die
  • and I want it I wanted to see it
  • oh I like that that Dog the Bounty
  • Hunter video or the the phone message he
  • left you know people like can you
  • believe he left he left that racist
  • message just like dude look at him look
  • at him some redneck with a mullet down
  • to his ass he drives a pickup
  • he's got the gloves with the fingers cut
  • off yeah who would have thought he had a
  • couple of fucked-up ideas rolling around
  • in his head you know dude you know what
  • would have been shocking if he could
  • play the cello that would have been shot
  • then you be sitting there like damn look
  • here it is I thought he was some racist
  • on his way to a Steak and Shake and hey
  • he's busting out a little Beethoven god
  • damn I owe this guy an apology
  • you know god I'd love to see his iPod I
  • can't imagine the eclectic mix of music
  • there's so much time I spend alone on
  • the road man I actually spent so much
  • time alone on the road actually like
  • contemplated milk to the point I can't
  • even fuckin drink it anymore sit that
  • drink my class toughest prey tastes
  • awesome you know then I started thinking
  • it comes out of the carton and I just
  • did the police work and it comes out of
  • a cow and I'm like I am fucking suckling
  • for another species we have such a crazy
  • relationship with cows
  • you ever think about that know you can
  • nurse from it you can eat it all right
  • you can tip it over when it's sweeping
  • but if you fuck it you're going to jail
  • all right everybody I am no I'm at the
  • point nothing alive is dependent on me I
  • got I got to get out of this
  • this tailspin man so I'm thinking about
  • getting a dog my girlfriend wants me to
  • like adopt a dog
  • she's like you want to adopt a dog we
  • should rescue one you want you want to
  • do that I'm like no no I don't she's
  • like why not I go cuz I think a lot of
  • those dogs there then a little fucked in
  • the head
  • yeah how do you think they ended up down
  • there it's like dude that's not a pet
  • store that's like doggy death row all
  • right why don't we just go to a prison
  • and like adopt an inmate and on the off
  • chance that maybe they didn't commit the
  • crime it'll just roll the dice dude fuck
  • that
  • I want a brand-new 2008 bulldog all
  • right I don't want some I don't want
  • something like 1995 half a Labrador it's
  • got part of its ear chewed off you know
  • every time I go to use the toaster it
  • starts freaking out
  • Cannell cos his last owner hung them
  • from the ceiling fan every time the Jets
  • didn't cover the over you know
  • [Applause]
  • dude that is an animal that thing could
  • kill you if you know if a squirrel
  • wanted to fuck me up it's just sort of
  • running at me by the time I process like
  • is that a rat is that mechanical but
  • time I figured it out
  • it would have ran up my leg and just
  • taking chunks out of my ear did I gotta
  • tell that story for the rest of my life
  • sitting in a bar - what happen - oh
  • fucking squirrel alright never get laid
  • again sort of same right I guess one of
  • those crazy dogs get up at like 3:00 in
  • the morning to take a leak right I'm
  • shuffling to the bathroom and that's the
  • exact moment his previous owner used to
  • come home shit-faced and beat the crap
  • out of the dog right I got no clue
  • unless you know sitting there shuffle
  • into the bathroom
  • meanwhile the dogs getting all amped up
  • I fucked this shit man I promised myself
  • I wouldn't let this happen again alright
  • time to man up man takes a big chunk out
  • of my neck
  • then what I'm laying on the ground
  • bleeding what are you doing the dog
  • gonna take them right back down to the
  • prison like some repeat offender have
  • like shackles on him and stuff he's just
  • sitting there hopping back in we knew
  • you'd be back and go fuck yourself give
  • me enough phone you know wila men like
  • Hannibal Lecter with like that lampshade
  • around his back
  • I gotta work on my temper though
  • something I really gotta do I live it I
  • look like the thoughts just spin away
  • you know I was on a plane the other day
  • I actually have the urge to elbow an old
  • lady in the face was like compelling
  • butts unbelievable you know when you go
  • to get off a plane there's like rules
  • when you go to get off the plane array
  • goes row by row by row and this lady was
  • all like oh I'm 90 I get to cut
  • everybody right so I'm competitive I
  • start fucking boxing her out right
  • stop bringing down like the overhead
  • luggage you know so she just starts like
  • waddling around me and all of a sudden I
  • just feel my elbow like dude you're
  • gonna take this shit this is ridiculous
  • man the hope after the plane is watching
  • it come on man come on
  • dude we got a wide open shot just just
  • just throw like poop you're gonna hit
  • her that hard and then he could play it
  • off I'm literally talking to my elbow
  • like dude come on man we can't do this
  • shit all right
  • this trips like 95 years old we can't do
  • it I thought I had my body under control
  • and she got like two right about there
  • and then I felt my foot like dude we
  • could still tripper
  • I'll deal with jails don't deal with
  • jails and I don't deal with police my
  • house got robbed and New York I didn't
  • even call the police I want to do but I
  • couldn't my crib is too nice it's not
  • that it's too nice but it's too nice for
  • me still here
  • Oh get in suck taste Johnson apparently
  • this black guy broke it and hung up
  • pictures of his family every way never
  • seen anything like it don't deal with
  • the man I had to bail a friend of mine
  • out of jail one time you know that was
  • horrible
  • I was scared I had to walk right into
  • the belly of the beast I tried to look
  • as non-threatening as possible hi I'm
  • here to bail out my buddy oh okay
  • well while you're here you do fit a
  • description you'll walk this way we can
  • process you spit in those damn
  • descriptions that could be bitter and
  • blame all the police but now I'll tell
  • you who I blame Stowe's sketch artist
  • they keep drawing the same brother
  • [Music]
  • who is this generic man we all look like
  • I don't know what they say when it says
  • you don't merely be in that room like
  • did you get a look just see the guy that
  • tried to rob you yes yes I did he's
  • about six feet tall I'd say six feet
  • tall yes he had his hat on backwards too
  • good that's good stuff goes on backwards
  • yes it was black okay big lips big nose
  • hanging out say no more sir Rome from
  • memory and let me get my stencil I think
  • we can trace this guy and save some time
  • Arabs
  • you're in the house right good just for
  • the record I don't do any Arab jokes in
  • my act it's not that I don't think
  • you're funny of the girl arias I you
  • know what it is I don't want to die you
  • know
  • I feel bad for Arabs especially in the
  • media because the media is always
  • messing with the herbs aren't they
  • every time you turn on the news they
  • never show you like a normal Arab person
  • if you watch the news every time they
  • show you an Arab even when I say any
  • Arabs in your head immediately you
  • picture even if it was the wrong sound
  • that I made whatever but they never show
  • you normal Arabs they never show you the
  • people that come to a comedy show and
  • hang out that's the media fucking with
  • your heads whenever they show you Arabs
  • are always like these crazy fuck ematic
  • that's what they're showing you if you
  • look closely at those clips it's the
  • same ten guys in every clip
  • it's funny to me when I see that when I
  • see the misrepresenting people on the
  • news and the funny thing is every time
  • they show you like the news nowadays
  • it's always like some new country
  • starting some shit with another Arab
  • country and you don't the funny thing is
  • everybody's fighting with the Arabs and
  • nobody's beating them you know that
  • means stop fighting with the fucking
  • Arabs here's the problem you can't
  • intimidate them if you can't intimidate
  • somebody even a little bit you can't
  • beat them like right before the u.s.
  • went to war with Iraq they warned Iraq
  • we're gonna come there we're gonna
  • attack you and Iraq went ok he didn't
  • understand this at all
  • you try it again we're gonna come to
  • your country and attack you
  • no problem no problem
  • it's okay wants to come let him come
  • yell wah
  • come on let's go hello let's go let's go
  • come on even the US was like I think we
  • got to break it down for this guy we're
  • going to come to your country and kill
  • you
  • oh yeah you kill me and fuck you
  • I killed me
  • and you live in an interesting time you
  • know because you can be on an airplane
  • you're like one of 200 passengers you're
  • on a flight 30,000 feet in the air in
  • the middle of the flight if you just
  • decide to do this you're sitting in your
  • seat and you start going like this you
  • go if you do that and don't stop doing
  • it they will land the plane you can will
  • a plane to the ground without a weapon
  • or a threat you don't need to do that
  • much you can just sit there just start
  • going down seriously you were on a plane
  • and you just didn't stop saying down
  • down down
  • sir rum down down fighter jets will it
  • the game I mean you going to the nearest
  • airport and then I guess you're in
  • trouble but what they can't believe like
  • in prison cuz you set down several times
  • they like bother you why did you do that
  • you a terrorist
  • why'd you do it I just didn't want to be
  • up anymore didn't like it I mean I just
  • said the word of the where I wanted to
  • be you don't have to do it
  • just suggestion she's Christ I was in a
  • plane once and there's two babies on the
  • plane and other people wasn't just was
  • just me and two babies that would be
  • weird
  • you got on a plane there's just two
  • babies
  • come on we're leaving soon he's the
  • pilot baby I'm the other baby no that's
  • all right I'm not gonna you babies have
  • a good flight but I'm gonna find another
  • way to get there yeah I don't like the
  • way this was starting anyway I was on a
  • plane and there's a these two babies and
  • they're crying the whole time crying the
  • whole flight and that happens a lot I
  • don't think they knew each other they're
  • just crying I've seen this on so many
  • planes I start to wonder is there a
  • reason for this is there like an actual
  • reason why babies are so I looked it up
  • turns out there's an actual reason why
  • babies cry on airplanes and it's because
  • they're upset that gay people are
  • getting married
  • like a really upset like inconsolably
  • upset honey it's the country's changing
  • and I don't agree with them I think if
  • people are in love they should get
  • married but they can't they can't accept
  • that cuz they're just you know just
  • being babies babies are selfish they are
  • babies are selfish me no baby ever goes
  • why are you doing them I have two
  • daughters both of them at one time we're
  • babies and I held them and they cried on
  • planes it's happened to me I've had a
  • baby on a plane if you're ever this is
  • how selfish people are when you're on a
  • plane and you hear baby crying you think
  • that's happening to you like this
  • could've ruined my flight
  • let's get your eminence we'll look at
  • the parent cuz that person is holding a
  • crying baby on a plane which means
  • they've been traveling with a baby all
  • day which means they have a baby okay
  • so their life isn't even good they are
  • like anything their whole life was not
  • Jesus if there's any joy for them is
  • that it this is now bothering other
  • people yeah you listen to this shit now
  • wait
  • [Applause]
  • number one time I've ate was crying on
  • the place she's really upset and this
  • guy and some businessman on the place
  • businessman always think that every
  • flight is a private plane of theirs that
  • we're all like piggybacking on and this
  • guy has this fucking newspaper and he
  • turns around and look at me and my baby
  • and he looks right at me
  • he doesn't kind of like go like this he
  • looks at me like he like good shit like
  • oh I'm sorry is this bothering you let
  • me just
  • [Applause]
  • you all just clapped for a dead baby you
  • applauded a dead baby Oh congratulations
  • to you my friend look at that white
  • woman you're with
  • [Applause]
  • nigga behind you oh yes Sun up with my
  • girl boy yo for real that white woman's
  • amazing isn't she tell the truth he's
  • with his black girl for like no no but
  • that she's high level that's our high
  • level white woman right there that way
  • women is that is man oh man oh man black
  • when we get mad at that but that is
  • top-shelf white woman right there
  • you know you can tell how pretty a white
  • woman is the value you look at her and
  • then you wonder how long they would look
  • for she was missing
  • [Applause]
  • come on take a look take a look
  • [Music]
  • I saw you look mad sweetie how long if
  • he was missing how long you think they
  • were how long you think exactly she
  • don't even she went
  • [Applause]
  • you know the deal I say none wrong white
  • woman's life is valuable
  • what's his name you're in van der Sloot
  • right we find out he was a serial killer
  • he kills women that's what he do he'd do
  • it well yeah I mean we know the girl
  • that he dead he you know supposedly had
  • was throwing Aruba Natalie Holloway
  • right but the one he just killed the
  • girl in Peru what's her name um exactly
  • [Applause]
  • look up as you said now you said Natalie
  • Natalie I'll sit there like family field
  • I named a white girl been missing for
  • five years and roof
  • surveys
  • [Applause]
  • hey a Peruvian girl that was killed
  • yesterday
  • what is that big head third world
  • Carribean bitch's name has to be yours
  • don't be mad at yourself
  • I gave it to you you saw how fast you
  • said Natalie Holloway Daniel Ross right
  • here said shit no one named
  • that way I go with Natalie Holloway
  • man you caught yourself god bless you
  • man that is high level right then don't
  • be ashamed of it gorgeous mad as hell
  • fuck that way bitch what you think Fox
  • is reporting you missing
  • let's beyond Nancy Grace she leaves
  • story on Nancy Grace oh my god she's mad
  • as hell back when I like this shit but
  • it is what it is let's be like that let
  • us be honest that little girl that went
  • missing arm she was sailing little girl
  • I'm a sailor goddamn it but she when she
  • went sailing went missing in an Indian
  • Ocean okay and they spent good lord
  • her masts broken she was floating around
  • and she gave her a little signal or
  • beacon they look where they spent
  • $500,000 like tax money to search for
  • her now that's my daughter I want that
  • to happen to but but
  • if you go sailing let's be honest how
  • long you think that it gonna space 5
  • come on my mama
  • hey remember football plays in Miami
  • went missing then went sailing they look
  • for them for eight minutes
  • maybe they just send somebody had to
  • edge of the beach
  • [Applause]
  • I don't see him we have to call off the
  • search because there's too much Sun the
  • Sun the conditions are abnormally
  • difficult if I go sailing I'm taking a
  • white baby on a keychain with me and my
  • boat go down they don't find me I'm
  • gonna have it hook right to the side of
  • my belt
  • [Applause]
  • and I'm addressed a baby real white -
  • i'ma put sweatpants on and obey our UGG
  • boots and I'm on take a picture look at
  • this white baby you don't come get me
  • this way baby going down with me

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Description

Comedians delivering their best bits

Featured Comedians:

▶Gabriel Iglesias - S/X toy shop : https://www.fluffyguy.com/
▶Michael Mcintyre - Parenting : https://www.michaelmcintyre.co.ukhttps
▶Dave Chappelle - I don't deal with jails
▶Bill Burr - Down n Dirty : http://billburr.com/
▶Louis C.K - Aeroplane : louisck.net
▶Ralphie May - Muslim
▶Kevin Hart - Woman :
▶Patrice o'neal - White Woman
▶Russell Peters - Arabs : http://www.russellpeters.com/
▶Jim jefferies - Gay : http://jimjefferies.com/

If any owner of clips, used in my compilation, has a copyright issue, feel free to contact me by personal message and add title COPYRIGHT ISSUE. I will remove the clip, video or come to an agreement.CONTACT ME: viralvideoscomedy@gmail.com

Keywords

funniest standup jokes stand up comedy top 10 bits dave chappelle bill burr jim jefferies russell peters patrice o neal gabriel iglesias kevin hart Michael Mcintyre louis ck Ralphie may best bits most funny punch line funny comedy standup 2018 2018 show parenting i dont deal with jails aeroplane down and dirty toy shop woman white most funny standup black jokes offensive top 5 latest viral videos motely tv laugh hilarious savage funny moments

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