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Video Lavell Crawford Stand Up Comedy Special Full Show (HD, 1080p) - Lavell Crawford Comedian Ever

TheTV.info
50:49   |   12/15/2018 at 22:45

Transcription

  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • right is our brother fun exciting news
  • go get some love
  • I know I can save me I'm beatin up on do
  • you know Yahweh dr. Danny steel beware
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • but I want the wind everybody bad as
  • hell to do whose 200 fish and ties that
  • I want when this shit
  • oh boy I had some phone calls of me what
  • those all gonna make the Atlanta to turn
  • me down
  • it has to
  • hello is this
  • you don't remember me
  • [Applause]
  • but just one you don't use a letter to
  • save people
  • I use field
  • because I'm allergic to branches
  • [Applause]
  • and I'll go tell my teachers but miss
  • Murphy I won't call her fucking yes this
  • is a very cross amount to nothing
  • [Applause]
  • I want to ID him
  • [Applause]
  • and still don't know it's Louisiana
  • my mama to introduce killed up my mom
  • you guys good up for mama day mama's got
  • your back
  • and I know some good daddies out here
  • above my
  • yah
  • I've got your back we'll be with your
  • girlfriend your wife yo boo new Hansel's
  • gonna tell on you Polly's on the door
  • right now
  • he's in the mail you right over there
  • [Music]
  • even want me
  • [Applause]
  • Yokohama got your back come on FBI DEA
  • ATF gonna dog
  • tell mrs. Crawford we have words that
  • your son has 15 kilos of the good stuff
  • my mommy like no law no Motown
  • by the grace of God here's my head a
  • deacon boy
  • he's right now out making zest and socks
  • for the homeless right
  • well man we have word that he had he has
  • 15 killed do you have a wallet no again
  • blessed
  • now you get this shit
  • [Applause]
  • we're bound to get the rinse out
  • you
  • when I was growing up there was no need
  • for no Amber Alert I was getting
  • abducted back day well my mum put Nick
  • Vaseline on my face like a little shiny
  • and do it did she give me some real good
  • advice we always get off that bus I want
  • you in that house mummy in this house
  • how old you let nobody house when I get
  • our work and learn the class tonight
  • [Applause]
  • I get off the bus at 4:30 I get that how
  • lock that door like Fort Knox
  • go get me some chocolate milk that was
  • my favorite cartoons Thundercats
  • [Applause]
  • Thunder Thunder Thunder
  • [Applause]
  • I'll be doing my job
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • that doorbell ring baby baby oh
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • you know baby whether the kid button
  • buzzes back to your house
  • you have to sit on a porch and wait does
  • he get all working now
  • but could you please Stevie I got it
  • back my son's death and my chocolate
  • milk go back today go please don't go
  • Nick another dog that ran game what did
  • he want
  • who is it bloody show Danny open this
  • damn don't you can't scream my mom is
  • sitting on the porch your backdoor left
  • over
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • sorry daddy mama said not to let no man
  • house if nobody's house we should get
  • out working nine o'clock no poor you do
  • hourly Allah apparently not
  • you don't have no key
  • I'm whip your junk and when I get in
  • that house
  • well every around Lana glad for that
  • till you you back I get back to my shop
  • female Thundercats
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • later
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • make the bird noises you can't talk she
  • loves the birds
  • [Applause]
  • shit not my mama my mom made me so Steve
  • I only want to come off the wood we've
  • been out here damn it yelling man you
  • know you're my new job
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • you know how you ever wear me out I'm
  • coming out here I miss my job might lose
  • my damn job I got the damn DS dog the
  • Poli and FB I don't know how my none of
  • this shit
  • then you got the eyewitness move out
  • without these cameras only make it look
  • like I'm Olaf it
  • days on the bar you best be date
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • now I'm three
  • if using all these words in the count of
  • three
  • why there he is let's go
  • like widemouth back hooray your mommy
  • you go to grocery store she pulls and
  • goes good and all we gotta keep you
  • there breathing
  • now
  • how many go on this gross
  • they put a little something on the light
  • bill but they bout to cut it out but I
  • think they're worried about it because I
  • put the building young man
  • [Applause]
  • then i'ma use the resident money to get
  • up something to eat yeah when we get up
  • in his damn stumble I want you touching
  • shit
  • I want I want
  • you don't want you ass looking at shit
  • there breathe one little grocery basket
  • then put your baby sister in the front
  • door basket then put your other sister
  • in the back of the basket and let me
  • take you one bunk down if you hit the
  • battery real
  • with that basket
  • [Applause]
  • two jabs to the throat
  • two tops to the day and throw and let me
  • tell you one more thing lavell Mari
  • scruffy if you give up in the storm and
  • any canned food and I do mean any kind
  • of food
  • [Applause]
  • i'ma kill all three of y'all
  • [Applause]
  • to those second teen
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and I have to go to jail and get out and
  • still be young enough to make three more
  • yeah
  • [Applause]
  • in the Ville I like how your hair
  • growing in anywhere
  • [Applause]
  • repeat what I'm saying
  • [Applause]
  • yo hey
  • use them
  • we got in a dress
  • the person does something alive here let
  • me back cut after hard
  • [Applause]
  • and then he fan
  • you need a whereby
  • as you thought to be
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and then he's man
  • being you're gonna use the rents the
  • mind take really come to their aid
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • now
  • where we get up in this
  • [Applause]
  • I've been that
  • [Music]
  • Thank You Walter
  • to say shit
  • [Applause]
  • you said don't drive not there
  • being said as funny not bad
  • [Applause]
  • they said Matt ignite you of my club
  • the only left her dad
  • but could I anything Sam
  • what is it see where I'm going
  • [Applause]
  • in my eyes cloudy movie punching back
  • your hair
  • [Applause]
  • then you say red one then grocery van
  • its little baby stuff in the front
  • master again you said buzzing stops and
  • the back to the basket they said let me
  • dare you
  • [Applause]
  • even if I get the bacteria in here with
  • that bans gay
  • - jabs to the driver
  • [Applause]
  • yeah he gets around
  • is they let me there you have my lavell
  • Maori sprout if I get up in this dog can
  • I ain't gonna fold is a new piece a
  • become killed out 30 or not
  • [Applause]
  • because you 17
  • [Applause]
  • and you go to jail again I'll still be
  • done enough tonight
  • three more just like that
  • as you like
  • the models of the prize of all I respect
  • mother's ever I drew the bunker they
  • probably they got a secret powers hey it
  • was super power all I must do
  • he's a super power and ain't no idiot
  • I'm a jet with you i mama no a baby cry
  • baby cry shit he hungry he don't itself
  • you know they know but they got another
  • superpower where the baby you know they
  • nerd they don't they know he don't want
  • none and he cries for no reason they can
  • shut out their hearing like he making no
  • damn door
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • it was amazing meeting my wife was at
  • the Chris he was gonna check up that's
  • where you see the badass babies in the
  • clinic you know we did the training and
  • then a little Michigan baby he walk
  • around new he bad baby he was cute but
  • he had his big-ass snot bubble right in
  • his down then every kid with a snot
  • bubble bad get you today always want you
  • to pick
  • cigarette girl out of my path we had
  • this big-ass knot bullying there's no
  • hey hey you know he walked up on his
  • mama
  • and then I'll speak Spanish look but the
  • scenario went down like this he looked
  • at his face he's very
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • yes ma'am
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • that I heard in my life
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • you know grow baby and you could all be
  • abased and cry like this you can be
  • grown and cry like that the most
  • gol-do when we grab that oh cool man
  • for
  • [Applause]
  • look the bear I'm sticking your fat ass
  • you being fat all the relationship
  • you smell like cheese you only play I
  • even Drive I said before a gremlin ever
  • since I know you you're back in your
  • brokedown bad I'm sick of eating
  • leftover I won't be with somebody else
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • Oh
  • [Applause]
  • by jingo job
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • we're downsizing and now
  • [Applause]
  • and corporate came down surname and
  • [Applause]
  • ready to let you go
  • what you need oh honey we're going to
  • give you stammers brain everything's
  • gonna be all right
  • I'm sorry darling anything
  • [Applause]
  • two weeks
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • today will you talk about your mom pull
  • about your daddy
  • well my dad I just got reacquainted with
  • my daddy a third year he came back my
  • leg at 30 years you bet she won't do any
  • like even vowels to see
  • [Music]
  • my life like it they'll hit around the
  • corner whose birthday was when I left
  • [Applause]
  • Oh brick
  • [Applause]
  • you two can be done
  • [Applause]
  • he goes come on you know Father's Day
  • coming up I didn't came up
  • your engines
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • my daddio man you are hanging on your
  • refrigerator
  • and we'll say who may need it my 41 nose
  • [Applause]
  • I'm thrown now I embrace you know I'm
  • just happy back at my life you don't say
  • it only takes the trip out there
  • either he was senior bodybuilders you
  • know that's true yeah you see your body
  • builder then you get a chance
  • Google up cross there come your body
  • being prey his Grandmaster champion
  • sleepy Ezeli be sitting up there like
  • that and I you know which is cool cuz we
  • got that in common you know I feel my
  • body with Matt Donnally
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • but it's weird though you know see your
  • daddy on their heels their mouthing
  • together the little box and build a shot
  • you know I engaged shit
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • this
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • I must take nap they can't remember
  • [Applause]
  • my mama like that joke come on what's
  • wrong with my dick now
  • [Applause]
  • we go kick love reading
  • [Applause]
  • my hands you know like why you were
  • alone my head what what's the deal you
  • know I just wanna know you know that I
  • don't care you running from the law
  • you know you snitched on the mob if he's
  • ever even gay gay I mean he was gay when
  • he made me it would've been cool to have
  • okay daddy cuz when I was growing up I
  • had this friend named Tyrone you throw
  • it daddy in my face off that I was doing
  • beggar my daddy can take your bed in
  • early
  • [Music]
  • that was bit cool if I had a gay daddy
  • that Carol talked to my dad you kick him
  • deadhead my dad take you to the other
  • that's probably true Tyrol
  • I'm not daddy
  • you go dad
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • but we need to talk to these kids out
  • here man I ain't preaching and uh just
  • saying the kids getting out ahead I got
  • a little nephew you know I got a
  • Mitchell cuz I mean he be watching stuff
  • on TV keep you watch that show a
  • brand-new Ray J then the show ran a
  • radio that I can't stand right there to
  • the obviously stuff only like he's
  • saying now he heard that saying
  • well you don't know me
  • yeah how important one I don't know with
  • me I thought I wouldn't meeting me each
  • other to 100 Bizet it up well you know
  • back when I was growing up
  • [Music]
  • I put all of this is with real right
  • here if I'm lying
  • let the Lord strike
  • [Applause]
  • but but I knew he didn't know what to me
  • because what last we got after there did
  • Eve my famous Amy's chocolate-chip
  • cookies with the pies in season here I
  • found empty box on their damn bed so I
  • said what were you keeping it last week
  • 25%
  • [Applause]
  • and then you got the letter saying even
  • listen to old school radio they got
  • their song I'm down for whatever I'm
  • down for whatever I'm down for whatever
  • you know it out like I like hold on boy
  • she's gonna sing out there for what
  • happened you know me I'll come down from
  • there hold on boy
  • you know who say that she didn't wet
  • wake over the rainbow tattoo your hand
  • your booty also are given watch of him
  • [Applause]
  • I really do I wear about it I don't want
  • us to be in the wrong neighborhood you
  • know these are quick you know that
  • yellow trees and comfort hung right
  • there
  • [Applause]
  • the South fair our old neighborhood back
  • when I was growing up you know you get
  • robbed
  • hey bushing your head and sing you
  • always give me your money food here you
  • go
  • you go about your day I'm here
  • they'd be fools they robbed you and they
  • won't run I would've been wrong
  • neighberhood do come up on yeah get on
  • the ground
  • food mm Rob yeah Rob y'all I will make
  • no yeah I give me
  • [Applause]
  • these meanings to rob
  • mr. man
  • [Applause]
  • can I change it so then what is it can
  • you please just love me
  • -
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • he's Fanny down
  • the better grade oh man oh yeah we got
  • it we got our black print Oh
  • I'm happy for them but I knew so much
  • shit going on I was yeah give me some
  • got that breaking don't know if you try
  • that's yeah I know I know it I was
  • excited when you wanna know man you know
  • be molecular I was excited for I'm so
  • excited
  • I had four teachers that is but his
  • picture on it in my side I got a little
  • my little title my chance I turn into
  • Obama vets
  • [Music]
  • it's bad
  • without father man balloons is so funny
  • he get blamed for everything if you know
  • my nerves it was like you know just like
  • I heard you talk about so bad as the
  • friends head bottle that baby killed it
  • true only time I'll Obama watching all
  • watching Fox News that shit was
  • hilarious I was like dude that's my so
  • now I wanna fart newbie leftovers go
  • today there's a dumbass people there is
  • one lady got on that yeah I got a
  • question for the president
  • oh you're right
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • royally and it goes from Ithaca
  • president II not Obama the all proper
  • and all nicely like a diplomatic Murcia
  • well we're trying several solutions sir
  • talking to baby we're working out some
  • way to close the hall we're gonna get it
  • close it's gonna take us at time but I'm
  • gonna get it close I wish he would yes
  • [Applause]
  • nothing
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • just let it flow you know
  • yeah the other question spray Brad
  • Lynette
  • [Applause]
  • yeah fully engulfed a mystical print a
  • [Applause]
  • we'll be
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • betim afresh right back
  • and I'm a shit awesome job
  • yeah that's what I'm gonna do any more
  • goddamn flashes
  • all clear over here
  • [Applause]
  • these are grown folks over looking at me
  • like that's the same if that damn bitch
  • see stuff like that I'm sorry I know I
  • need Jesus
  • I do the church but shirts be last to
  • love we're free to be preaching through
  • lunch
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and you know dumbass chosen 45 minutes
  • [Applause]
  • I think this way to have turned yet to
  • go in for a I'll be in church every
  • Sunday
  • oh mr. chicken please
  • [Applause]
  • is it he
  • [Applause]
  • i juice about preaches my stepdad Heelys
  • my pops like telling my pals not
  • possibly know he's a preacher here good
  • do but sometime he stretched Jews little
  • bet he was bitches even sometimes he'd
  • be pretty good
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • Oh
  • I was with you today
  • [Applause]
  • well that sleep you know these are the
  • davines are you ready to catch on fire
  • so you take what are you doing here
  • he needed maybe put on a little bit as
  • well
  • though you were that medium and liked it
  • and I don't want to go to hear about no
  • hell's a big Lance 24-hour fitness
  • they won't have me when they trade me
  • run you fat bastard
  • [Applause]
  • sighs can you give me somebody yes we
  • have salads
  • one preacher comes in identify what
  • would you do if the devil can make your
  • house leave before you can't get the
  • devil so I'll shoo Satan big ol Saint
  • you get your fat ass out sleeping anyway
  • he wants his waiter back no you keep
  • that guy down slow
  • now I leave it with a ghost in my house
  • usually them cuz see themselves like
  • ghost hunter and goes together they be
  • looking at the gold try to find a go to
  • go back you know we all heard you said
  • get your hands up
  • he'll get on my damn nerves I'm up in my
  • house he's gonna like get out get out I
  • said I hurt you something rich why do
  • you say that shit when I was just
  • looking at the house
  • [Applause]
  • got my damn deposit I'm done time you
  • only get up you get my goddamn deposit
  • back back all this shit
  • hateful are you are
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • I know I can stay you can just take it
  • as I don't you did not goddamn
  • challenges easy
  • behind what about the devil are those up
  • in my house that anything I'm afraid of
  • I'm afraid of Jesus popping in my house
  • I guess we do is here I wouldn't begin
  • let me turn this computer off our
  • ratified teenage age ministries that
  • [Applause]
  • came out of nowhere we should have
  • caught me tell me you was coming
  • [Applause]
  • because you like some cold rain suddenly
  • delight our to breeze huh
  • I think I get into heaven on the curve
  • for real that I made people laugh day
  • you help people I love you laughing is
  • healing for you you know I just don't
  • want to wake up in the wrong heaven you
  • know Tupac's here but I'm coming to
  • party you know I would have ever got
  • together like I hope driving up in a
  • lowrider come out blanket again guys hey
  • hey don't kill it to the side when
  • wife-beater girl tonight you we've been
  • doing drag how safe you were
  • [Applause]
  • other angels falling off the sky today
  • put enough minutes on that wings
  • because people always are my you know
  • they always got the misconception of
  • bogged down always trying to make them a
  • person you know all the time God is a
  • woman
  • goddess watch God is the black I don't
  • know what come here
  • but if I get up in him that guy little
  • ol even granddaddy by anyone as far I
  • will go by anyone at all or not you
  • don't want to get better you get him
  • johannes yet you shaking can t be too
  • corny no plans pulled up he'll goddamn
  • team your balls right here
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • there's always I look at it he's still
  • getting around like that but if I keep
  • in heaven you know thank God is white
  • I'll be like I knew it all along
  • show me do the hood but if I get to
  • heaven and God is black don't piss me
  • off a little bit
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]

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