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Video Lavell Crawford Stand Up Comedy Special Full Show (HD, 1080p) - Lavell Crawford Comedian Ever

TheTV.info
50:49   |   353K+ views   |   04/19/2018 at 17:31

Transcription

  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • alright there's our brother funded
  • sainthood focus of love
  • I know I can save me I'm beatin up on do
  • you know Yahweh dr. Danny steel beware
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • but I want the wind everybody bad as
  • hell to do it was 250 times that I want
  • when this shit
  • oh boy I had some phone calls of me what
  • those all gonna make the Atlanta for to
  • turn me down
  • it has to
  • hello is this Easter
  • you don't remember me
  • [Applause]
  • but just one use a letter to feed people
  • how you feel
  • because I'm allergic to branches
  • [Applause]
  • I'll go tell my teachers bye miss Murphy
  • I won't call her spunky
  • killing yes this is very often never
  • amount to nothing
  • [Applause]
  • I want to ID him
  • [Applause]
  • and still don't know it's Louisiana
  • my mama to introduce you get up no mom
  • you guys get up for mama day mama's got
  • your back
  • you know I know some good daddies out
  • here but mine
  • yah
  • I've got your back we'll be with your
  • girlfriend your wife yo boo Jim Hansen's
  • gonna tell on you
  • Polly's on the door right now he'll be
  • right over
  • [Music]
  • even want me
  • [Applause]
  • Yokohama got your back come on FBI DEA
  • ATF gonna dog
  • tell mrs. Crawford we have words that
  • your son has 15 kilos of the good stuff
  • my mommy like no law no Motown
  • by the grace of God here's my head a
  • deacon boy
  • he's right now I'll make investing socks
  • for the homeless right
  • well man we have word that he had he has
  • 15 kills do you have a wallet no again
  • blessed
  • now you get this shit
  • [Applause]
  • man sounds to get the rinse out
  • you
  • when I was growing up there was no need
  • for no Amber Alert I was getting
  • abducted back then well my mum put Nick
  • Vaseline on my face like a little shiny
  • and do it she gave me some real good
  • advice we always get on that bus I want
  • you in that house mummy in that house
  • I won't you let nobody house when I get
  • out of work and learn the class tonight
  • [Applause]
  • I get off this bus at 4:30 I get that
  • how locked that door like Fort Knox
  • go give me some chocolate milk that was
  • my favorite cartoons Thundercats
  • [Applause]
  • Thunder
  • [Applause]
  • I'll be doing my job
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • that doorbell ring though beanie babies
  • grandmom Oh
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • you know baby whether the kid button
  • buzzes back to your house
  • you have to sit on the porch and wait
  • says he get all working now
  • but could you please Stevie I got it
  • back my son's death and my chocolate
  • milk go back today go please don't go
  • Nick another dog that ran game what did
  • he want
  • who is it bloody show Danny open this
  • damn don't you got to bring my mom there
  • sitting on the porch your back door and
  • left over
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • sorry daddy mama said not to let no man
  • house in nobody's house we should get
  • out working nine o'clock no poor you do
  • hourly Allah apparently not
  • you don't have no key
  • I'm with your junkie-ass when I get in
  • that house
  • well every around Lana glad today
  • can you please I can't get back to my
  • chopping milk I've done the cash
  • you know dude an Amber Alert was going
  • on when I was growing up you don't get
  • you going on I brought up my mama used
  • to the scare tactics
  • come on see them kids mazing life you
  • see some kids facing life let me tell
  • y'all some
  • they are named Zambian line again yeah
  • yeah yeah then why was a head of white
  • marble why mama be looking for the kid
  • three years later would you yeah
  • [Applause]
  • something funny make the bird noise if
  • you can't talk she loves the birds
  • [Applause]
  • not my mama my mom made me so Steve how
  • do you want to come out the wood we've
  • been out here 4550 damn minutes
  • yelling your dad man no no you know your
  • damn daddy damn police calling my new
  • job
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • you know you wear me out I'm coming out
  • here I miss my job might lose my damn
  • job I got the damn DS dog the police and
  • FBI round Ohama none of this shit
  • then you've got the eyewitness news hour
  • that these cameras only make it look
  • like I'm unfit
  • days on the bar you best be date
  • [Applause]
  • your way
  • now I'm 30
  • if you lean on these words at the count
  • of three
  • why there he is let's go
  • like widemouth back hooray your mommy
  • you go to grocery store she pulls and
  • goes good and all we gotta keep you
  • there breathing
  • now
  • how many go on this gross
  • they put a little something on the light
  • bill cause they bout to cut up shit out
  • but I think they're worried about it
  • because I put the building young man
  • [Applause]
  • did I may use the resident money to get
  • us something to eat yeah
  • for we get up in his damn stomach
  • [Applause]
  • I'll don't you touch it
  • I won't you give me a fact I won't
  • won't you and looking at shit there
  • breathe one little grocery basket but
  • put your baby sister in the front go
  • basket then put your other sister in the
  • back of the basket and let me take you
  • one more time if you hit the back wheel
  • with that basket
  • [Applause]
  • two jobs to the throne
  • two tops to the day and throw and let me
  • tell you one more thing lavell Mari
  • scruffy if you give up in the storm and
  • any canned food and I do mean any kind
  • of food
  • [Applause]
  • i'ma kill all three of y'all
  • [Applause]
  • to those nagging team
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and I can go to jail and get out and
  • still be young enough to make three more
  • just yeah
  • [Applause]
  • in the Ville I like how your hair
  • growing in any way
  • [Applause]
  • repeat what I'm saying
  • [Applause]
  • yo hey
  • use them
  • we got in a dress
  • the puddin is something alive here let
  • me back cut out the heart
  • [Applause]
  • and then he fair
  • you need a whereby
  • as you've got to bail
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and then man
  • being you're gonna use the rents of mine
  • it really come to their aid and then
  • [Music]
  • now
  • where we get up in this dog
  • [Applause]
  • I've been lad
  • [Music]
  • shit he won't jump
  • [Applause]
  • shit
  • [Applause]
  • if they don't drive not
  • being said as funny now
  • [Applause]
  • they they're mad at night you of my club
  • the only left her dad
  • but could I anything Sam
  • it must be who I'm gone
  • [Applause]
  • in my eyes cloudy movie punching back
  • your hair
  • [Applause]
  • then you say red one then grocery van
  • its little baby stuff in the front
  • master again you said buzzing stops and
  • the back to the basket they said let me
  • dare you
  • [Applause]
  • even if I get the bacteria in here with
  • that bans gay
  • - jabs to the driver
  • [Applause]
  • yeah he gets around
  • is they let me there you have my lavell
  • Maori sprout if I get up in this dog and
  • I ain't gonna fold is a new piece a
  • become killed out 30 or not
  • [Applause]
  • because you 17
  • [Applause]
  • and you go to jail again I'll still be
  • not enough
  • they're like three more just like us
  • as you like
  • the models of the prize of all I respect
  • mother's ever I drew the bunker they
  • powerful they got a secret powers they
  • it was super power all I must do
  • he's a super power and ain't no idiot
  • I'm a jet with you I mama no a baby cry
  • baby cry shit he hungry he don't itself
  • you know they know but they got another
  • superpower where the baby you know they
  • nerd they don't they know he don't want
  • none and he cries for no reason
  • they can shut out their hearing like he
  • making no damn door
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • it was amazing meeting my wife was at
  • the Chris he was gonna check up it's
  • definitely the baddest ass babies in the
  • clinic you know we did the training and
  • their little Michigan baby he walk
  • around new here bad baby he was cute but
  • he had his big-ass snot bubble right
  • there down then every kid with a snot
  • bubble bad get you today always want you
  • to pick
  • take your ass home girl out of my pants
  • we had this big-ass not bullying there's
  • no hey hey you know he walked up on his
  • momma and then I'll speak Spanish look
  • but the scenario went down like this he
  • looked at his face he said something
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • yes ma'am
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • that I heard in my life
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • you know grow baby and cry like that you
  • could all be abased and cry like this
  • you can't be grown and cry like that the
  • most well do when we grab that oh cool
  • man
  • dog food
  • [Applause]
  • look the bear I'm sticking your fat ass
  • you've been fat all the relationship you
  • smell like cheese you only play about
  • you been driving a 74 Grimley ever since
  • I know you you're back and you're broken
  • bad I'm sick of eating leftover I wanna
  • be with somebody else would you breathe
  • we
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • Oh
  • [Applause]
  • by jingo job
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • we're downsizing and man
  • [Applause]
  • and corporate came down with your name
  • and
  • [Applause]
  • ready to let you go what's your name
  • well honey we're going to give you
  • stammers brain everything's gonna be all
  • right I'm free go in your feet
  • [Applause]
  • two weeks
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • today will you talk about your mom pull
  • about your daddy
  • well my dad I just got reacquainted with
  • my daddy a third year he came back my
  • leg at 30 years you bet she won't do any
  • like even vowels to see
  • [Music]
  • my life like these they'll hit around
  • the corner Wow whose birthday was when I
  • left
  • [Applause]
  • Oh
  • [Applause]
  • you too can be done
  • [Applause]
  • he goes come on you know Father's Day
  • coming up I didn't came up
  • your engines
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • my daddy oh man you are hanging on your
  • refrigerator
  • and we'll say who may need it my 41 nose
  • [Applause]
  • I'm throwing out a line bracelet all
  • just happy back at my life you know say
  • you know you came out there either he's
  • a senior bodybuilders you know that's
  • three - yeah you seen your body builder
  • then you get a change
  • Google's up across there from your body
  • being crazy the Grand Master champion
  • sleepy is all you be sitting up there
  • like that
  • and I you know which is cool cuz we got
  • that in common you know feel my body
  • will let down
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • but as weirdo you know senior daddy-o
  • never heal their mouthing together the
  • blue box and build a short you know I
  • engaged shit
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • I must take nap they get remember
  • [Applause]
  • my mama like that joke come on what's
  • wrong with my dick now
  • [Applause]
  • love reading
  • [Applause]
  • my hands you know like why you running
  • off my head what what's the deal you
  • know I just want to know you know that I
  • don't care if you running from the law
  • you know you snitched on the law he's a
  • little gay gay I mean he was gay when he
  • made me everything cool to have okay
  • daddy cuz when I was growing up I had
  • this friend named Tyrone you throw it
  • daddy in my face all that I would do is
  • bigger my daddy can take care of it you
  • that was bit cool if I had to gaze at it
  • that Carol talked to my dad easy kick in
  • bed my dad ticularly either that's
  • fairly true towel roll
  • I'm not daddy you go dad
  • [Applause]
  • if using you're gonna get man love
  • that is the older
  • [Applause]
  • but we need to talk to these kids out
  • here man I ain't preaching tonight just
  • fan the kids get outta hand I gotta look
  • nephew you know I got a bit too cuz I
  • mean he wipes a stuff on TV keep you
  • watching that show brand-new reggaeton
  • show brandy radio that I can't stand
  • right there to the all these man stuff
  • only like you got that one thing that's
  • why I love you that's all he's saying
  • now he heard that saying
  • well you don't know me yeah how
  • important one hour with me I thought I
  • wouldn't meeting me each other to 100
  • [Music]
  • real right here if I'm lying
  • let the Lord's right
  • [Applause]
  • but but I knew he didn't know what to me
  • because what last we got after there did
  • Eve my famous Amy's chocolate-chip
  • cookies with the pies in season here I
  • found empty box on their damn bed so I
  • said what were you keeping it last week
  • 25%
  • [Applause]
  • and then you got the letters and even
  • listen to old school radio and they got
  • that song I'm down for whatever I'm down
  • for whatever I'm down for whatever you
  • know it I was like I like hold on boy
  • she's gonna see now damn for what
  • happened you know me I'll come down 400
  • for y'all who say that she didn't work
  • wait over the rainbow tattoo your hand
  • your booty also are given watch of him
  • [Applause]
  • I really do I wear about it I don't want
  • us to be in the wrong neighborhood you
  • know these are quick you know that
  • yellow trees and comfort hung right
  • there
  • [Applause]
  • the South fair I won't be the wrong
  • neighborhood back when I was growing up
  • you know you can try big Bush in your
  • head and sing you always give me your
  • money food he go
  • you go about your day I'm man
  • now they'd be fools they robbed you and
  • they won't run I wanna be alone
  • neighborhood do come up on ya
  • get on the ground food
  • so something robbed yeah I robbed y'all
  • I will make both yeah I give me
  • [Applause]
  • scuse me mr. Rob
  • mr. Mays damn
  • [Applause]
  • can I change this up then what is it can
  • you please just love me
  • ooh
  • [Applause]
  • boom
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • he's a down
  • the better grade oh man oh yeah we got
  • it we got our flag print it out
  • I'm happy woman I knew so much shit oh
  • yeah give me some got that Becky don't
  • know if you try that's yeah I'll go
  • I know it I was excited when you won
  • though man
  • you know people like you know I was
  • excited for I'm so excited I am for
  • teachers that put his picture on it in
  • my slide I got a little my little tight
  • on my chin so I turn into Obama vest
  • [Music]
  • it's bad
  • without father man believes it's so
  • funny he get blamed for everything
  • my nerves is like you know just like I
  • heard you talk about so bad as the
  • friends head bottle that baby killed it
  • true only time I'll Obama watching all
  • watching Fox News that shit was
  • hilarious I was like dude that's my so
  • now I wanna fart newbie leftovers go
  • today there's a dumbass people there is
  • one lady got on that yeah I got a
  • question for the president
  • oh you're right
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • royally and it golf America president
  • be not Obama be all proper and all
  • nicely like a diplomatic mercy yeah well
  • we're trying several solutions sir
  • talking to baby we're working out some
  • way to close the hall we're gonna get it
  • cause it's gonna take us a time but I'm
  • gonna get it close I wish he would yes
  • [Applause]
  • nothing
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • just let it flow you know
  • yeah the other question spray Brad
  • Lynette
  • [Applause]
  • yeah fully engulfed a mystical friendly
  • Hey
  • [Applause]
  • we'll be
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • venomous rash right back
  • and I'm a shitty job
  • yeah that's what I'm gonna do anymore
  • goddamn flashes
  • all clear over here
  • [Applause]
  • these are grown folks over looking at me
  • like that's the same damn bitch see
  • stuff like that I'm sorry I know I need
  • Jesus I to the church but shirts be last
  • to love we're free to be preaching
  • through lunch
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • and you know dumbass Hoagland 45 minutes
  • [Applause]
  • I think this wedding to have charged it
  • to go to Iraq I'll be in church every
  • son
  • home is a chicken please
  • the game isn't he
  • [Applause]
  • I took about preachers my stepdad Heelys
  • my pops locked out of my pals my pasta
  • no he's a preacher he's good do but
  • sometimes he stretches a little bit keep
  • it keep it Jerry sometimes he'd be
  • pretty good
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • I was with you Danny
  • [Applause]
  • well that sleeps we know these are the
  • devonee's on your head it'll catch on
  • fire so you take back what are you doing
  • here you need to maybe put on a little
  • bit as well
  • though you were that medium and like it
  • there I don't want to go to hear about
  • no hell's a big Lance 24-hour fitness
  • they won't have me when they trade me
  • run you fat bastard
  • [Applause]
  • sighs can you give me somebody yes we
  • have salads
  • one preacher comes in identify what
  • would you do if the devil can make your
  • house leave before you can't get the
  • devil so I'll shoo Satan big owl say you
  • get your fat ass out sleeping anyway
  • you watch this way the back no you keep
  • that guy down slow
  • now I leave it with a ghost in my house
  • usually them come see themselves like
  • ghost hunter and goes together maybe
  • looking at the gold try to find a go to
  • go back we all heard get your hands up
  • we'll get on my damn nerves I'm up in my
  • house he's gonna like get out get out I
  • say I hurt you something bitch
  • why do you say that shit when I was just
  • looking at the house
  • [Applause]
  • got my damn deposit I'm done time you
  • are we get up you get my goddamn deposit
  • back all this shit hateful are you ha
  • [Applause]
  • [Music]
  • no harvest day you can just take it as
  • don't forget not goddamn television eat
  • behind what about the devil are those up
  • in my house that anything I'm afraid of
  • I'm afraid of Jesus popping into my
  • house and guess we do eyes here I
  • wouldn't be game kill my son
  • let me turn this computer off our
  • ratified teeny J's ministries that came
  • out of nowhere
  • we should have called me told me you was
  • coming
  • [Applause]
  • because you like some cold rain suddenly
  • delight our Tabriz huh
  • I think I get into heaven on the curve
  • for real that I made people laugh day
  • you help people I love you laughing is
  • healing for you you know I just don't
  • want to wake up in the wrong heaven you
  • know Tupac's here but I'm coming to
  • party you know I would have ever got
  • together like I hope driving up in a
  • lowrider come out blanket again guys hey
  • hey don't kill it to the side when
  • wife-beater girl tonight you we've been
  • doing drag how safe you were
  • [Applause]
  • other angels falling off the sky could
  • ain't put enough minutes on that wings
  • because people always AMA you know they
  • always got the misconception about dad
  • always trying to make up a person you
  • know all the time God is a woman
  • goddess watch God is black I don't know
  • what color here but if I get up in handy
  • that guy little old lady like the
  • granddaddy by anyone as far I will go by
  • anyone or not you don't want to get
  • better you get him Johanna shaking me to
  • know pulled up till goddamn team fouls
  • right here
  • [Music]
  • [Applause]
  • babies always I'm looking at me still
  • getting around just iPad what about you
  • the heaven you know thank God is white
  • I'd be like I knew it all along
  • show me to the hood but if I did to him
  • and God is black don't piss me off
  • [Music]
  • Oh

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Lavell Crawford Lavell Crawford 2017 Stand Up Comedy Lavell Crawford Stand Up Stand Up Comedian Lavell Crawford Comedian Stand Up Comedian Lavell Crawford Can A Brother Get Some Love Stand Up Comedy 2017 Stand Up Show Lavell Crawford Show Comedy Lavell Crawford Funny Best Stand Up Comedy

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