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Video Jordan Schlansky Lectures Conan About Coffee In Naples - CONAN on TBS

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Transcription

  • Yeah I just want to get a cup of coffee.
  • Yes, that's why we're here
  • this is the best place to get one in Naples.
  • Now we come over here and we pay first.
  • Worried substantively with paying first,
  • what if I'm not happy with what I'm-
  • Excuse me. (speaking Italian)
  • You know what I love about Naples?
  • People stand to get this coffee,
  • they don't sit in a corner and write a screenplay
  • for four hours, you know what I mean?
  • It's called "espresso", it's an express activity.
  • You get in, and you get out, and you go about your day.
  • It's called "espresso", it's an express activity.
  • (audience laughing and cheering)
  • When you order your coffee, I'll order and then
  • you should say, (swears in Italian)
  • Yes like, "I want it (beep) hot."
  • You missed the entire preparation of the coffee
  • 'cause you were talking Oh shut up.
  • to that woman. Oh shut up.
  • This is is a Neapolitan cappuccino,
  • 150 milliliters, it's only 25 milliliters of coffee
  • made from seven grams of beans,
  • and then about four ounces of milk.
  • Look at this man's elegance, watch his movements,
  • it's the ballet at the machine, no movement is wasted,
  • everything is perfect, look at him go,
  • it's a dance, it's a dance between man and machine.
  • No it's not! He's making coffee.
  • Nice, very nice. So just drink this down in one shot?
  • You just had a real experience, you should enjoy that,
  • yeah, that's one shot, seven grams of--
  • Stop talking to me!
  • Shut up, shut up, shut up! (audience laughs)
  • I don't wanna know how many grams are in here, shut up.
  • (audience laughs)
  • (claps and yells)
  • Whoa, that was good.
  • Not gonna have another one?
  • No I'm satisfied, I know when to stop.
  • And I do not. (audience laughs)
  • (Conan yells and grunts)
  • Feel that, get in there, get that!
  • (growls energetically)
  • (audience laughs)
  • Yes!
  • (claps and snaps)
  • (meows)
  • (growls)
  • (makes silly noises)
  • Four grams of coffee, seven grams of water,
  • mmm, six ounces, federal law, mmm, traditional, traditional
  • mmm, must have traditional, tell him I want
  • a pumpkin spice latte. (audience laughs)
  • (audience laughs)
  • Tell him I had too much coffee.
  • (speaks Italian)
  • I'm crazy when I have the coffee,
  • you know it's craziness, too much coffee,
  • too much coffee, way too much coffee, ladies (laughs)
  • (growls) Wow! I don't know what this is but yes.
  • This is so nice of you to give me all these gifts.
  • Give me your watch, give me the watch,
  • I want the watch, give it to me.
  • Give me your jacket, I want your jacket,
  • you wanna be nice to the American?
  • You're gonna give me that, just give me that watch.
  • Hey, give me your shoe, gimme your shoe.
  • I'm gonna take it all for free 'cause I'm a guest.
  • Ciao! No, no, no!
  • (audience cheers)
  • I'm in downtown Naples, I just found this guy,
  • he's incredible, sir? (man whistles)
  • (bird sounds)
  • (Conan makes bird noises)
  • (audience laughs)
  • (Conan and man laugh)
  • If I had been born in Naples,
  • this is what I'd be doing right now.
  • This is a statue of Jacino Murrat.
  • I've never seen a statue with such an impressive
  • crotch bulge (audience laughs) look at that,
  • that's totally unnecessary, someone accused him
  • of stuffing his pants, and he's like, me?
  • Stuffing my pants, no! Me?
  • I just saw this, this is the most frightening
  • ice cream display I've ever seen in my life.
  • I don't know how this, why would anyone want
  • to buy ice cream from this guy? (giggles)
  • Look, he's got the blood of his latest victim
  • on his smock right here.
  • Ciao! Ciao! Oh, they run away.
  • Jordan, why do they not wish to be viewed by us?
  • Maybe they're shy, they need to be on television
  • to self-validate. (audience awws)
  • Ciao! Scusa! Scusa!
  • Senore! Buonasera! Buonasera!
  • [Jordan] Buonasera, senore.
  • Can we come up? Si!
  • Si? Porqueno? Is it okay?
  • How do we get in? (door creaks)
  • This will be the last footage ever seen of us alive.
  • (speaks Italian) Let's go!
  • Yeah! It's amazing to be up here.
  • (fake opera singing)
  • ♪ I'm John Tuturro ♪
  • ♪ I like a-pizza ♪
  • ♪ I have a burro ♪
  • ♪ I'm friends with a-Martin Scorsese ♪
  • ♪ I like buccatini when I'm in a Firenze ♪
  • (audience cheers)
  • (speaks Italian)
  • While we were in Naples, I was invited
  • to appear on Italy's most famous soap opera,
  • Obviously, they had seen my work in soap operas
  • all over the world (audience laughs)
  • Your name is? Conan O'Brien.
  • Now, I was about to continue my tradition of playing
  • a romantic lead, this time with Un Posto's
  • beautiful Valentina Pace.
  • She's the one. Hi!
  • Oh my god.
  • My English, it's not very good.
  • Please, my friend will help interpret.
  • This is my friend Jordan. (audience laughs)
  • We're not gonna, yeah, shoots the nude women.
  • Is there any place for him in this scene?
  • Maybe even just a quick he walks by, is that possible?
  • Yeah, he could, yeah why not? Yeah.
  • And before I knew it, it was time for my big scene.
  • (speaks Italian)
  • (audience laughs)
  • (speaks Italian)
  • (audience laughs)
  • Another powerhouse performance by Conan O'Brien.
  • Plus, Jordan made his soap opera debut.
  • (audience cheers)

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Description

Conan drinks too much coffee and Jordan makes his mustachioed soap opera debut in "Un posto al sole."

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