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Video Bill Burr ROASTING People ◼ Like a BOSS 2018

TheTV.info
15:06   |   2M+ views   |   07/22/2018 at 20:33

Transcription

  • when did you start shaving your head uh
  • when did I start shaving my life saved
  • it my mom first my first special I had
  • it shaved elected ICU who's in the roof
  • there in the back you'll be right there
  • what would do a buddy cop shop exactly
  • right - balding old guys going after
  • some hairy criminal I'm not a big fan of
  • Steve Jobs personally what are you
  • talking about I just I don't know I just
  • don't understand what the big deal was
  • with that guy he's like Edison I don't
  • know he invented all this stuff that
  • everybody did he did he it's like did he
  • sit down and like I'm gonna invent the
  • iPhone and just sat there soldering
  • possibly welding right did he have like
  • a crew of guys helping him out sure
  • maybe he did why would he went to those
  • nerd fest didn't he have like a like a
  • like a chorus of scientists behind him
  • who helped him out - he walked out like
  • he was Tesla and into electricity I not
  • which they keep just kind of like told
  • people what to invent like he just kind
  • of came in like I want my whole music
  • collection in that phone get on it guys
  • yeah made it happen yeah and then they
  • have a big nerd concert and he goes out
  • there by himself
  • no belt you know sneakers on I just
  • didn't buy it yeah I'm a loner man I
  • don't like people so
  • okay you're not like no I don't ya just
  • Fifth Avenue during Christmas time you
  • can't launch that go through my head I
  • just want to chop that tree down and
  • watch it land on people when you took it
  • out on Philly because they were a bad
  • crowd oh yeah you're famous rant yeah
  • what'd you since said you liked
  • Philadelphia and that wasn't the issue
  • you were just giving people in Philly
  • don't even remember basically if you
  • haven't seen it I was doing a show for
  • the Opie and Anthony radio program and
  • they had this show called the traveling
  • virus and we were doing these like
  • 10,000 Cedars and we went to Philly and
  • they're notorious for booing people and
  • they booed the first guy offstage and I
  • went on like three hours after that so
  • by the time I got up there was a
  • complete shit show and I don't know they
  • started booing and I snapped and decided
  • I wasn't gonna leave and I just attacked
  • everything that they loved yeah
  • can women be funny yeah of course will
  • you guys just fucking grow up and just
  • sit down and write your own horseshit
  • and come up with it start your own
  • fucking show have your own awards show
  • quit waiting around for other people to
  • do shit for you
  • that's the fucking problem if you guys
  • had your own big club and I was standing
  • outside of it you'd never fucking let me
  • in I'd start my own shit you guys got to
  • start your own shit you got brains in
  • there right yes absolutely so write your
  • own shit and quit your fucking wine and
  • we're all eating the giant shit sandwich
  • out here nobody cares I don't care
  • well when was the last time you went on
  • stage you killed so hard the person
  • after you bombed if you're fucking doing
  • that on a regular basis people are gonna
  • notice regardless of what you have
  • between your legs you know I feel bad
  • for right now McDonald's I feel bad for
  • them why would you feel because they
  • backpedaled they allowed fat people to
  • blame them and it's it's just over the
  • second they made the salad it was over
  • is over they said you know what it's our
  • fault it's our fault it's our fault
  • you're fat
  • it isn't everybody knows it's fattening
  • you don't order 50 sandwiches right but
  • they're a business if you order it
  • they're gonna give it to you that's not
  • their fault yeah and that you think
  • that's it right there was the invention
  • it's for kids and for when you get
  • hammered that's what it is
  • you go in there yeah at some point I was
  • gonna make a point here that's why I
  • keep looking at here and I just realize
  • I'm blocking myself out of the camera I
  • love that you have the jib camera for
  • this like it's an action movie let's
  • let's let's scoop in at these two guys
  • sitting in these unbelievably small
  • chairs I literally feel like I'm gonna
  • fall onto the floor this is insane
  • you really went all out with the
  • audience so they got full-sized adult
  • chairs these like from the 20s before
  • they had like horse tranquilizers in our
  • food when everybody was like 5 foot one
  • yeah that that that dead after that bad
  • and nothing and making you mad nothing
  • enough of things upset me yes I I don't
  • know I don't want to look I fly a lot
  • and there's this whole new thing of
  • generation of people that take their
  • socks and their shoes off on the plane
  • you got to look at this smelly feet and
  • then they'll literally stand up and they
  • will walk into a commercial airline
  • bathroom yeah use it and then walk and
  • sit back down again that's not right
  • yeah if I was a dictator those people be
  • eliminated the second I saw the
  • Christmas lights I was like I'm going to
  • bomb you're allowed to do this fake okay
  • get in a box and then get taken back on
  • your staple it up next year what you do
  • I love this do texting for the entire
  • interview it's just trying to keep the
  • attentions on Millennials it's like
  • impossible look at him he's already got
  • the change he's probably got his own
  • record label he's like making deals as
  • we speak he's got championship rings on
  • I don't know what you're doing do but I
  • want your life man you're crushing it so
  • you and the pie could not get
  • comfortable in this fucking chair this
  • is just like one of the worst things
  • this should be like hitting museum is
  • like the prototype this is what this was
  • the awful level of comfort
  • we went from a log to this and then
  • eventually they got cushions it's
  • another guy looking at his phone I swear
  • to God through the day Jesus comes back
  • if he ever does if he's even a real
  • person like 90% of people are gonna miss
  • it they're gonna walk right if he's
  • gonna be walking on the water and
  • immediately walk it by him and not even
  • gonna see it oh yeah there's a drop-off
  • and faint for Jesus at that point
  • everyone was everyone was paying
  • attention now no one gives a shit ah
  • there we go
  • no but now this is like the ego one now
  • I'm gonna be sitting above you you gotta
  • come with - it's fun it's light sir the
  • one the one comedy through-line that's
  • working here is me shitting on this
  • chair why would you take that for me
  • this is you're just totally going
  • against the grain I understand it but
  • you got on camera so I think you get
  • paid even though this is online you see
  • Sugar Shane Mosley one of the greatest
  • boxers of all time he's losing his
  • championship belt in a divorce losing
  • yeah it's like you're trying to break a
  • man what does she want those I think
  • they go with their shoes
  • when you get a divorce all of a sudden
  • it costs like 50 grand a month to give a
  • kid Froot Loops an epidemic of
  • gold-digging whores your character has a
  • lot of tats do you get those put on you
  • have you have a tab that says no no I
  • that's that's all my ink I have this mic
  • on so yeah that's all right gentlemen
  • help me I can't believe your
  • relationships don't work
  • we recently got a pitbull which I know a
  • lot of people don't like because they
  • ate a couple of kids I understand
  • they're great dogs unless you're a bad
  • owner if you're a psycho
  • which I am you can mess them up I didn't
  • I didn't realize that dogs feed off your
  • vibes like if you're cool if you're
  • chill they're chillin if you're sleeping
  • they're sleeping but if you're a psycho
  • like me and you're watching the game on
  • TV and you're screaming at the referee
  • you gotta be shitting right I didn't
  • realize the dog was in the corner being
  • like yeah being a mother is the hardest
  • job out most difficult job but if Oprah
  • said that Oprah said that yeah that has
  • your opinion on that on that phrase
  • changed at all since no it's not the
  • most difficult job on the planet
  • it just isn't dude I get roofing in July
  • I almost as a redhead I almost died
  • there's people there's people that work
  • on like oil it was that movie that guy
  • made the oil teal the fucking you know
  • when they grow me boil what is it there
  • will be blood without there will be
  • blood the out in the ocean they would
  • trill I can never remember the names
  • Mark Wahlberg Deepwater Horizon yeah
  • yeah those guys were working on on an
  • oil rig the fucking thing blows up
  • they're on fire they gotta jump into
  • water that's on fire salty water into
  • their woods you got to swim out of that
  • oil and fire and then tread water bring
  • to God that the Coast Guard is gonna get
  • there before the Sharks do know talk to
  • me about a toddler oh he was so fussy
  • today
  • you wouldn't need his piece what's up
  • with all these white kids now walking
  • around trying to act like the like
  • gangster rappers it's irritating
  • it's like everywhere I go man I figured
  • just be here in the city we go to mix of
  • people you know I'll be like in the
  • middle of Kansas though like the whitest
  • state ever there'll be some Howdy Doody
  • look on white kid like me you know I'm
  • thinking this is one of my peeps
  • somebody I have a conversation with I'll
  • say she's like yo what's up kid who saw
  • up kid I just want to be like nothing
  • much Brad you know you're keeping it
  • real in Wichita what a fucking gonna be
  • a gangster in the States say like
  • Nebraska you know what do you be like
  • all hardcore about your crop just in
  • there yo shit was crazy I'm saying well
  • fucking call wasn't wrong or fuck it's
  • scarecrows tipping over and shit you
  • know I'm saying son I just want to be
  • like don't you white go to the gap give
  • in to it
  • buy some doctors and come home I've been
  • going to gun stores and and these
  • rednecks are all telling me the same
  • thing because I didn't grow up with guns
  • so they're just going all right you
  • never had a gun you want to get yourself
  • a shotgun it's got a great spread that's
  • how they keep saying it's got a great
  • spread you know anything you got a
  • problem you sort of whip around
  • like dude I just want to shoot the guy I
  • don't have to do like a bunch of drywall
  • work my diploma I didn't think Lance
  • told anybody he didn't do anything to me
  • you know he did for me
  • he raised five hundred million dollars
  • for cancer research that's what that
  • lied did that blocked out the Sun yeah
  • cancer yeah it was annoying and I hated
  • how Oprah was interviewing him and
  • acting like she was dumbfounded that
  • this guy would do this like she's been
  • in show business for 35 years and she
  • can't like wrap her head around some guy
  • doing whatever it takes to get to the
  • next level didn't she for the first five
  • years have liked midgets who wanted to
  • bang their mailman's boyfriend and she
  • didn't want to do it she didn't want to
  • do it but she didn't have the power to
  • say no so she wrote it out and then when
  • she could make a good decision she did a
  • show but she stood on their heads those
  • little people
  • [Applause]
  • hamburger assistant again why can't mom
  • make dinner
  • ask her she's the one who abandoned her
  • post not to doing all the lady work I
  • got to leave to go do some man work and
  • is anybody gonna get me flowers and tell
  • me I'm beautiful no now it's out there
  • marching for old Frank Murphy he just
  • watches the sands of his miserable life
  • gather at his feet while his wife the
  • modern woman throws on a pantsuit every
  • morning and just there's my worker bee
  • um what is your go-to dance move when
  • challenged waiting for the director to
  • say cut well I'll tell you when I when I
  • saw my kid it wasn't I didn't have like
  • everyone's like you're gonna burst out
  • crying you're gonna blah blah blah I was
  • like scared of it like I was sitting
  • there like a buddy like and then
  • afterwards they give it to me and I'm
  • hanging with them for the first time and
  • I'm feeling nothing and I literally put
  • my head down on the bassinet I'm going
  • oh my god I'm a serial killer
  • so bill do you go go yourself because I
  • was like googling the show oh god knows
  • I was googling this shit get trashed
  • enough on Twitter what do you know when
  • I did this show last night this is how I
  • think the Millennials are right somebody
  • I was wearing this exact same thing you
  • know I'm on the road so I'm gonna make
  • stain on my shirt
  • so I was wearing this exact same thing I
  • go on Twitter and somebody wrote you
  • know bill burr last night dressed like
  • an out-of-shape jerry seinfeld what so
  • like yeah I wrote but I can't say what I
  • wrote back I wrote like you did so and
  • something yeah it's like why don't you
  • heckle me when you're there I'm there so
  • crashing very funny so you play yourself
  • is it hard playing yourself as an actor
  • no that's what I've been doing my entire
  • limited acting career like real actors
  • are like Anthony Hopkins where he played
  • that serial killer and Silence of the
  • Lambs of electors yeah and then like the
  • next move that should have ended his
  • career like you should never been able
  • to see him as anybody else and then the
  • next movie he played like John Quincy
  • Adams and he was literally John Quincy
  • Adams my buddy saw this thing one time
  • John Travolta was talking about like
  • just the walks he's like Vinnie
  • Barbarino walked this way Vincent Vega
  • and walked this way like you know
  • whatever the guy from get shorty walks
  • this way and I just met with hearing
  • that going through all my characters
  • walk like me

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Description

Bill burr roasting Hosts, Guests, Celebrity's & People

CREDITS :
Jeffery Gurian : https://www.youtube.com/user/GurianNewsNetwork/videos
CONAN : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi7GJNg51C3jgmYTUwqoUXA
Jimmy Fallon : https://www.youtube.com/user/latenight
Jimmy Kimmel : https://www.youtube.com/user/JimmyKimmelLive

If I have missed any credits then plz email me :)

COPYRIGHT ISSUE: viralvideoscomedy@gmail.com

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