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Video Key & Peele - Auction Block

TheTV.info
03:04   |   views   |   02/14/2012

Transcription

  • - ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL GATHER ROUND.
  • GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN.
  • WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION.
  • ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL, GET ON UP THERE.
  • - PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH.
  • - STRAIGHT UP.
  • I DON'T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON.
  • I'M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THIS MOTHER[bleep].
  • - HELLS YEAH.
  • - WE HAVE LOT A, LOT B, AND LOT C.
  • - UH, $3 ON LOT A. - $4.
  • - 5!
  • - $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD.
  • LOT A GOES TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK HAT.
  • - I MEAN, GOOD. - YEAH.
  • - [chuckles] I'M GLAD I DIDN'T GET SOLD,
  • 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE OWNED BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
  • - WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER KILL ME THE FIRST DAY,
  • OR I'MA GO BUCK-WILD ON THE WHOLE OPERATION.
  • - OKAAY?
  • - NEXT ONE, GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW.
  • - OH, THIS--OKAY.
  • both: [inhale]
  • - $6 ON LOT A.
  • - $7! - EIGHT.
  • - 9!
  • - $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD!
  • both: [exhale]
  • - OKAY, WELL, YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE.
  • - IT'S A NO-BRAINER. - I MEAN, THAT GUY'S HUGE.
  • - A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL.
  • - THAT'S TWO OF ME. - ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM.
  • - I'D BUY THAT DUDE.
  • - MY QUESTION IS HOW'D THEY CATCH HIM?
  • - NEXT!
  • - OKAY. OH, YEAH. - YEAH.
  • - $2 ON LOT A.
  • - $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD.
  • - SEE, NOW, THAT SURPRISES ME.
  • - THAT IS INTERESTING, TO SAY THE LEAST.
  • - I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT,
  • IT'S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR?
  • - IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE CRITERIA
  • SEEMS JUST A LITTLE INCONSISTENT.
  • - I MEAN, AT SOME POINT, I WANT TO BE ON LOT A.
  • - YEAH, WHICH-- CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A?
  • - NEXT.
  • - OH, HERE WE GO. - HERE WE GO.
  • - BEEN A PLEASURE. - GIVE 'EM HELL.
  • - ALL RIGHT. - OKAY.
  • - $8 ON LOT A.
  • - GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD!
  • - HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? - NOPE, NOT TRUE.
  • - HOW DOES IT HAPPEN?
  • - WHAT YOU JUST SAID-- THAT'S GOBBLEDYGOOK.
  • OKAY? THAT CAN'T BE TRUE. 'CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO?
  • LOOK AT HIM. WHAT COULD HE PICK?
  • A COTTON PLANT IS, LIKE, THIS TALL.
  • - YES. - I'M SAY--
  • NO OFFENSE, BROTHA, I'M JUST SAYING.
  • - OFFENSE TAKEN. - WHA--[gasps]
  • AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT? HE'S SHORT.
  • BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD.
  • - YOU'RE GOOD, MAN. - ENOUGH.
  • I WILL NOT HAVE MY REPUTATION TAINTED,
  • SELLIN' SUPERFICIAL, BIGOTED SLAVES.
  • - SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?
  • - THAT'S IT! THIS AUCTION'S OVER!
  • - AUCTION'S OVER? - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
  • NO, IT'S--IT AIN'T OVER. IT'S NOT OVER!
  • I'M STRONG, Y'ALL!
  • I'M VERY STR-- I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET.
  • - I'M FAST, I GOT STAMINA, AND I KNOW MAGIC.
  • - MY WORST QUALITY IS THAT I'M A PERFECTIONIST.
  • - LET ME MEN-- HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE.
  • I AM AGREEABLE TO A FAULT.
  • YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT
  • WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE.
  • - NOT A VIOLENT BONE IN MY BODY.
  • - I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON, NO BIG DEAL.
  • NEVER SEEN A BOAT IN MY LIFE.

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Description

The slaves for auction in Lot A are popular with these plantation owners.

Keywords

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